Studio time? Nadda. Nothing this week so far, and nothing last week either. After I put the sketch down on my next panel for the Frisbee Cake painting (that’s the working title), my life became all about designing a website for my friend and the Guggenheim application. 

I’ve been working on the application a LOT, getting instruction and suggestions from peers and other professionals, mostly on Netvvrk. Which reminds me, if you’re an artist, Netvvrk is incredibly useful, especially if you’re a mid-career artist. Actually, it’s helpful for artists at any phase, really. Extremely worth the money. I’m glad I got suggestions from both the founder, Paddy Johnson, and her right-hand person, Macon Reed. Macon is a kick-ass editor and a super-cool artist. I feel fortunate to get help from both of them, as well as other members on the site. 

For a long time, I wanted to create something similar to what Paddy Johnson has created for artists, like when I made my blog series some time ago (starts here). I didn’t call it anything, but it’s about fourteen parts to help beginner artists. Paddy’s Netvvrk is that on steroids. Plus, she has experience in the art world way beyond what I could ever impart upon any artist. I’m just a blind artist feeling my way through the dark.

Tomorrow, I’m doing an online workshop about applying to the Guggenheim, too. I feel like my application has improved significantly, but after the application window opened, everyone found out that the rules changed this year, and there are limited word counts. Major fucking bummer! Both the Career Narrative and the Statement of Plans cannot exceed 1000 words each. That wasn’t such a big deal for me on the Statement of Plans, which was only 700-something words, but the Career Narrative was hell to cut. I mean, so hard! It was nearly 1800 words. I wish they just accepted a CV instead, but noooo. You have to describe your career with dates on everything, without losing a good storyline. I even had to cut significant things I’ve accomplished in the last 30-some years and made my life story in the arts shorter.

I’m on the 10th version of the Career Narrative, and version #7 for the Statement of Plans. That’s a shitload of rewriting. Right now, I feel like both documents are as good as they can be. They’re still posted on Google Docs and open to suggestions from the Netvvrk site’s members. I hope no one comes in to shred it, I mean edit. But if so, oh well. I have until the beginning of September to submit it. 

Not only have I been working on that application, but I’ve also been face-deep into the curriculum on Netvvrk. I’m learning so much, but it’s a lot to keep track of. My brain synapses are firing like an army of guns, and I’m realizing so much about myself. However, it’s going to take a ton of effort to change my mindset. I’m not quite done with all the lessons, in fact, I’m just starting to get the the bottom of the first phase. There are five in total, but so far, this one has taken me three days to almost finish. The lessons come with workbooks and many videos. Lots of writing and brainstorming. It’s been great so far because I’m seeing where I fit in the art world. I don’t totally know exactly where that is yet, but I feel closer to having a clearer vision.

Honestly, the whole thing is rekindling my desire to be an artist because I was seriously thinking about giving up. Not on art. Not at all, but on trying to get somewhere “better.” I’ve been feeling burned out, complacent, and unmotivated. Maybe pretty discouraged, too. I still apply to things, but I’d wanted to stop because I wasn’t getting what I wanted. It’s a lot of rejection, which makes one feel like you’re just not good enough. It’s fucked up because that has nothing to do with it. But I need to realize, these are things that are not in my control, especially when you can’t get any feedback on how close you were or what to improve.

I plan on submitting everything after this workshop tomorrow. I’ll press the “submit” button sometime in the week following. I know I’m not going to win this thing; they give it to artists that are way out of my league, plus everyone and their dog is applying this year. But I’m doing all this work for other reasons. It’s to get to know myself better as an artist. I can use much of the writing in other applications one day, and I’m hoping it will help me get better at speaking about my work. I mean, even on a basic level. I’m pretty bad at that aspect of this job. People I meet ask me all the time, “What kind of art do you do?” and I never know what the hell to say! I still don’t know what to say, but I feel like I’m closer to being able to tell them something interesting.