I’m feeling much better today than I did the other day. It took some journaling and soul-searching, so I feel mentally healthier, but I have yet to contact my shrink.

In light of that, I recently completed a large-scale project proposal for an exhibition I’ve been planning in my head for a long while. It first came together when I applied for a Creative Capital grant many months ago. In the end, they didn’t choose it (as usual). But what else is new?

Its working title is What Remains. It explores different types of dementia from a unique perspective. The exhibition will require funding, and not a small amount. It’s a rather ambitious project with many components, including a short documentary that shifts between full-screen animation and 2-channel video. This video will require the most funding, so we’ll see how things pan out. I’ll probably apply for a partial grant through Dementia Spring, a foundation that bridges dementia with the arts. They are very similar to Memory Bridge in Chicago, whose founder is a loyal collector of mine. I’d like to work with both organizations, but we’ll see.

Both are located out of state, so I’m not sure if I’ll need to travel. Memory Bridge trains people in partnering with dementia patients, but their programs take place in states where trans people would not be safe. And same with Dementia Spring; they’re located in Kentucky.  

But before I look into all that, I need a better video camera, new mics, lights, animation and editing software, all of which I will need to learn from scratch. I don’t know much about those specific Adobe programs, and I don’t even have a subscription yet! I’m waiting until I’m ready to shoot all the footage before I buy all that, so I don’t waste time and money or put the cart before the horse.

The animation in the new movie won’t be as “cute” as in my first movie. This is a bit more serious, given the issue, even though it won’t be dense either. You know, it’ll be accessible and pleasant. But I also wouldn’t have known how to do any of the animation in Up to Now without my collaborators. It was all my art, handmade by me, but I wouldn’t have known how to make things move (or edit it) without paying other people. And because they helped me with my original script too, we decided to give all three of us equal credit in the end.

I plan to use some older footage I shot—an interview with my mother when her Lewy Body dementia was still early in its onset. She still had a lot of recall, and I’d intended to get a short version of her life story before she couldn’t remember it anymore; though, it was cut a bit short because she started getting tired. But I think I have enough to use.

Choosing further subjects for this will be tricky since I have to create consent forms, find patients who aren’t too far along in the dementia stages, and also get their family members—or a caretaker—who can also consent to answering intimate questions. It’s a sensitive subject, so I need to navigate it very carefully. However, most subjects will be animated via rotoscoping to hide their identities, which might make things a little easier.

Other parts of the installation require distinct objects, probably acquired from yard sales or eBay. And there’s more: motion-sensory audio, paintings on MRI transparencies, a grid of medical drawings, family photos, and handwritten doctor’s notes. That’s most of it. I think.

I might have to find a neurologist who’s willing to work with me on some dementia diagnostics, which might be difficult, too. I’ll probably hit up my own neurologist and a geriatric doctor. My good friend happens to be married to a hospital doctor who specializes in geriatrics. We’ll see.

Yesterday, I sent the proposal to a curator who I started a dialogue with back in the spring. I briefly told her about the project and said I was working on a proper proposal. She’s been interested in seeing it, and since I feel the proposal is detailed and thorough enough now, I emailed her the 5-page PDF. That sounds long, right? Well, it’s in a larger font and broken into sections for the visual elements, budget, research, timeline, and space requirements. I think it’s okay.

I’ll be waiting anxiously for her reply. I mean, I can’t hold my breath, but I do feel optimistic about it…for once. I’ll keep you readers updated.