For the last few weeks, I’ve been applying for a bunch of grants and awards while researching artists’ residencies I’ve not considered before. My enthusiasm for residencies has worn, especially over the last year. And it’s not because the grapes are sour, either.

Sure, I don’t like being rejected thousands of times. Who’s a fan of that? It’s about my desire to leave for a few weeks in my current physical condition, which might not improve by much. If it does, it’d be exponentially surprising as all hell.  

I also don’t want to be away from my girlfriend or my dog. I am probably allowed to have a service dog with me, but taking her away from Hannah isn’t exactly fair either.

One rez I did apply for was WSW because, if I did happen to get invited there, it wouldn’t be for another year or more. Maybe I’ll be in better health by then. Generally, that is.

I’ve applied there once before a million years ago. And since I’ve felt more and more like a gender rebel, I didn’t think they’d accept nonbinary people for a number of those years. Also, I would rather focus on a place that would help me grow some of my technical skills, like printmaking, bookbinding, or something I’m actually interested in. My reasons for applying to Yaddo and MacDowell have been more about getting them on my CV than my excitement to go there.

A friend of mine was recently accepted to Yaddo. She wouldn’t be the first friend who got in there. It feels a little strange when someone you know among the art world gets something you’ve been trying so hard to get for yourself. And, this was the first time she’s applied, too. But good for her. I’m genuinely happy for her. She’s an innovative artist. It just goes to show that my work hasn’t been strong enough. Or maybe they favor artists with schooling. That, or both. Or something.

I recently applied for the BRAVA artists’ book award, which I found out about via BIMA, who’ve collected a couple of my books in the past. I submitted three of my books to the BRAVA, one of them being Outlander, for which I now have a video for here.

And just yesterday, I submitted my application for the Arts Orange County’s Individual Artist Award. That one was pretty detailed and time-consuming, and I wasn’t even going to apply. It’s rather community engagement-heavy. However, after looking back, I have done a lot more of that than I’ve given myself credit for. Though most of it was when I lived in LA, not San Bernardino. Apparently, it doesn’t matter where I’ve done it.

Since applying for the Guggenheim and another Pollock-Krasner, I’ve applied for the Bobby Anspach Grant, the Gottleib, Harpo, DAG Foundation, and Creative Capital. That’s a few, right? I don’t expect to win any of those, but I guess my trying shows I haven’t totally given up on everything.

At least I haven’t given up on art (in general). I’m still waiting for that shipment to get here (the wood shapes). The company said it was free express shipping, but that’s obviously not so. But they’re supposed to arrive today, so I’ll put some things aside and experiment.

In the meantime, I’ve been working on one of those “in-between” artist’s books—a small saddle-stitched printing of 20 drawings, which I’ll be embellishing. I’m having a small edition of 35 printed, and I’ll tear the staples out and resew them by hand. I may tack an original something or other into them, too. We’ll see.

Here’s one of the new drawings for that. I am using a small handful of drawings I made some years back, before my tremor was really bad. But I have 14 more drawings to go.