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40

Ayin Es5 Comments

Well the other day I turned 40, and boy do I feel old! Not really. I kid you. I do feel different though. I feel better. I feel better to leave those pesky 30s behind me. What good are they? Except for confusing the hell out of us. I think I was freaked out for the entire decade. Panic attacks, worry, redefining myself… Exhausting! Today I feel sick and tired of that shit and I just am happy to begin the best part of my life. 40 is da shit I tell you! 40 crushes the little girlyman 30s and ignorant, glib-ass 20s. Poop on you hot, fresh youngins with your perfect bodies and bluetooths – being handed prestigious solo shows fresh out of art school. Ya’ll aint got nuthin on me, I’m 40! Four-oh! And I can kick, streeetch aaand kick! I’m forty years old! (Okay, maybe I can’t kick so well, but I can almost touch my toes.)

The only thing I still have to schlep around with me from my 30s are these 30 extra pounds. What is with that? I know that some of the weight comes from medications I have to take, but why should my laziness and indulgences in ice cream be so punishing? I remember ingesting nothing but candy, peanut butter and cigarettes throughout my 20s and never gaining so much as an ounce. In fact, I think I lost weight. And in my 30s, the pounds came at me slowly but shirley. Fuckin’ Shirley. She’s such a see-you-next-tuesday.All of my 30s I lamented my wondrous smoking, thinking that was my ticket to skinny. I considered taking it up again, but alas I probably would have just been a fat smoker opposed to the smelly, musty waif I once was. Oh how youth is wasted on the moronic young.

Okay I think I’m done ranting and raving about my pot belly. I need to go to my Spanish lesson and get ready for a special visitor that’s flying in on a 6pm flight from St Paul.

That white painting I’m working on is coming along, but I haven’t had as much time to work on it as I would have liked. Here it is, more than 3/4 done with the painting. It will need about 45-60 hours of sewing — at least. The mini garment patterns are in Hebrew. It says Stop apologizing for who you are.

OMFG

Ayin Es3 Comments

Okay, I am awake now, TOTALLY inspired! I was just reading Fette’s blog and saw a beautiful (IMHO) drawing/painting by Eden Veaudry. So I looked up the artist’s website to see if there were more beautiful works, and sure enough: WOW!!!

This is the kind of shit that motivates me to really paint, I mean really paint. It gives me permission (no idea why I need it) to be myself in my work. To create without boundaries, to trust myself, trust my hand, let go, and reach that sacred place. I think that is always some kind of struggle for me. I am so distracted by the life that goes on around me. It makes me want a private studio outside of my house. A place where life stops interrupting and a silence sucks me into that zone.

I miss “the zone.” Oh my god, I’m going to cry! I know it’s a stupid thing to call it, but I am not in the zone to call it something different. But it’s a portal into a universe that is impossible to explain. And I miss the moments that I just barely touched upon it, and right now I feel so far away from it.

Seeing Eden Veaudry work gives me a jolt, and it’s like making some clouds part for me. I love it so much I could scream. 🙂

URGENT

Ayin Es2 Comments

Self Help Graphics needs your help! The beautiful building on Cesar Chavez in East LA has been sold by the Archdiocese. SHG needs whatever assistance you may be able to provide now more than ever. They have a little less than 6 months to find a new facility. Their program houses the most important print collection of the Chicano community. They have been facilitating artists in creating a sustainable income for over 3 decades. It is vital SHG continues to service the community of East LA, and continue to thrive.

In addition to a press conference on Friday, July 11 at 10 am to address the sale of the Historic Chicano/a Art Center and explore options, SHG will also have a community meeting and structured discussion on the future of Self Help Graphics on Thursday July 17th at 7PM in the upstairs auditorium at 3802 Cesar E. Chavez Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90063. Please come to both and see how you can help this urgent situation.

 UPDATE: Press release for the conference.

She Dreamed She Remembered

Ayin Es2 Comments

She Dreamed She Remembered

That is the title of my upcoming show this fall at George Billis. It only took me a month to decide on a title for the show. It was driving me absolutely batty because the titles of things are so important to me. I feel like the show title has to really wrap up the basic meaning of the show, taking all of the pieces into account. I consider it the main answer to “What does this all mean?” When I am asked that, I can refer the person to the title and not have to do as much explaining in person. The title also gives a basis in which to write a press release, and just gives a life to all my focus. I mean, I could have just called it “A Year of Sore Feet and an Aching Back!” which also explains a lot.

I’m working on 2 different series for this show, the new series and an extension to the Black Hole pieces. All throughout I am drawing on lucid dreams and genetic memory. The new stuff is a combination of family inheritance, Ancestry, cellular memory, medication, Hebrew, and evolution. Many of the pieces contain what looks to be self-portraits, but most of them are what I like to call the Moppet Girl. That’s not a misspelling of Muppet, but it’s great that they sound alike because she is somewhat of a Muppet as well. She’s based on me, yes, but it’s more about how I can see myself as a separate character: an idea of what I could be. It is a fantasy of self-loathing, being able to laugh at oneself, inner voices, emotions, and embellished narratives.

This green painting is taking longer than one would think. I am only able to work on it a couple hours a day because I’ve been swamped with outside appointments and various distractions that working at home can bring. It seems I got a lot done there for a while, then things are slowing. I have a deadline for myself to complete this piece before July 2nd, which is slightly possible, but not really. I get to be with it all day tomorrow, so maybe I can get most of the painting done. It’s a bit more than half painted as it is. But it won’t be dry enough to start the sewing and embroidery by Monday, so I’ll shoot for next Thursday.

Sunday I am going to be at Self Help Graphics for the Print Fair and the Atelier Maestras V show. I hope some of you can come by, it’s going to be fantabulous! It’s from noon til 5pm. There is going to be a little after party at Yolanda’s studio. Email me if you’re interested in coming. Atelier #50 Maestras V, curated By Yolanda Gonzalez includes the following Artists:

Judy Baca
Barbara Carrasco
Magda DeJose
Carol Es
Emilia Garcia
Yolanda Gonzalez
Aydee Lopez
Poli Marical
Gina Stepaniuk
Linda Vallejo

Master Printer Jose Alpuche and Assistant to the printer Ivan Alpuche will be doing mono print demonstrations. Atelier #48 Series Landscapes Curated by Omar Ramirez will also be showing, and includes Brandy Flowers, Jose Ramirez, Omar Ramirez, ,Frank Romero, and Vincent Valdez. I have one of Vincent Valdez’s prints of Chavez Revine and it is one of the most amazing prints I’ve ever seen.

Atelier #49 “Homombre L.A.” curated by Miguel Angel Reyes, will also be there. Artists: Alex Alferov, Alex Donis, Ruben Esparza, Jeff Huereque, Rigo Maldonado, Luciano Martinez, Miguel Angel Reyes, Hector Silva, Paul Sweeney, and Joey Terrill. And a limited number of all the suites (same Number prints) will be available, including mine. Come see, come see, come hither!

George Carlin 1937-2008

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My artist friend Pat Tierney sent this to me today. I had to post it.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back,but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things,but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality,one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love,give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take… but by the moments that take our breath away…

–The words of George Carlin after his wife passed.