Thoughts

It’s three days before the end of 2012 and I think it’s safe to say that the world is not coming to an end. That is, unless North Korea does something stupider than usual. But for now, we are here. Life goes on. Death, a passing phase left for those of us that accept it, deny it, embrace it, or fear it.

I haven’t posted a blog post in ages because I have been so busy with new things. I finally managed to finish all the pages for the new, upcoming artist book I am doing with Neil Farber from Chance Press, but I have to withhold most of the images until the book comes out. However, I can show you this one:

“In Other News…” Watercolor and ink on Arches, 7 x 10 inches.

I did this back on the day after the election. It actually comes from a journal entry. Want to read it?

Hundreds of little volcanoes erupted this morning when Michael accidentally erased the databases that run on all our websites. Luckily, there is an old back-up that can save us the trouble of rebuilding, but there are three months of work completely destroyed. In other news, Obama is still the president. Prayers have been answered, but not with the House of Representatives. Barack waited until the wee hours of the morning to finally give his speech and I wondered about how it was possible for the crowd to continue to be enthusiastic, waiving their little flags, for hours on end. They must feel a lot happier about the election than I’ll ever be. Or maybe it is the sociology of the crowd. It reminds me of the religious beliefs I used to have, and do not have now. Ignorance is bliss. They say that for a reason. However, I do miss the confidence and the feeling of being powerful back then. Now I see how empty that was though. A lemming I was. I am more human than I ever was, and perhaps braver than I ever was. I have survived a lot and I can say with certainty that I like me better than ever. As I am building self-worth, I see how far I have come and how far I still need to go i.e. taking better care of myself – of my person. I don’t know why I don’t. I know I’m worth the effort, but I am lazy. Now would be a good time to begin taking care of myself, but the commitment still seems nearly an impossible task. What happened to how eloquently I used to write? Where are my metaphors and my poetic, ethereal finesse? It’s like an atrophied muscle. I haven’t used it in quite some time. A tiny morsel is still there, smoldering. Waiting.

I write some weird ass stuff sometimes.

I’ve also been working on some new oil paintings, here are a few…

“Forgotten Place,” oil on canvas, 20 x 16 inches.

“Ruminant Walkabout,” oil on linen, 20 x 20 inches.

“The Adequacy of And and Not,” oil on canvas, 36 x 36 inches.

“Runaway Box,” oil on birch panel, 20 x 20 inches.

“Two Girls Redux,” oil on birch panel, 20 x 20 inches.

I suppose those are a lot of paintings. Now that I post them, I see how much I’ve been working lately. I never usually even see that. I feel like I’m so lazy, but I’m not.

What else is new?

I am going to be in a group show at George Billis Gallery next month. The theme has something to do with toys, but I don’t know what the show is called yet. I am also going to be in a very important show at the Hebrew Union College at USC, which is called, “Intersecting Paths: Art & Healing.” I will have several pieces in this exhibit that tell stories about various ways I have overcome some hardships, as will all of the other artists in the show.

I suppose I am saving the best for last because I am probably more excited about this than just about anything else, which is the fact that MJP and I have been working on a new website for esart for well over a year now and it will finally be launching the first week of 2013! My site has not been updated for more than 12 years. It has had its same look all of that time, and in “web years,” that is a long fucking time. Soon my website will have a whole new look, plus new features that will knock your socks off! I plan to thoroughly promote the hell out of it as it launches, so you will not hear the end of this announcement here. It will go on and on for a few weeks at least. It’s been a long time planning and coding. Oy vhey, the coding!

Anyway, stay tuned.

Much is going on! I am excited to type this right now. First of all, I went to see art consultant, Ellie Blankfort the other day it went so great, I can’t even tell you! It was like psychotherapy for artists! While it was only our first meeting, I can see that she is going to help me a great deal.

She is helping me how to identify the strengths of my work, gain confidence, how to avoid the weaknesses in my work, and how to best release my energy so I can stimulate my creative process. She seemed to open the door for me to get through this weird artistic crisis I had been going through. I am very excited and am going to see her again in a couple weeks and make it a monthly thing. She gave me some great exercises to do. Trade secrets I can not tell you.

I met Ellie back in 2005 or thereabouts. She was on the art committee for the LACMA. Each year, Howard Fox and the committee do studio visits with selected artists, and after they complete their rounds, the museum makes a purchase from one of the artists. I came close, but I did not get the purchase. But I was very fortunate to have received the visit from them at all. Honored actually. That studio visit went so well, I will never forget it. Ellie was the most encouraging on the panel, so once I caught wind of what she was doing nowadays, I contacted her and we made an appointment. I am so glad I did too.

Today I even got a big rejection, but I don’t even care because I think my visit with Ellie got me to be in the right head space to deal with it. (I was turned down for the CCI Grant: Investing in Artists, which would have helped me to pay an editor and a proofreader for the book I’m working on.)

I had mentioned Shrapnel in another post not long ago and spoke about how I was going to lose friends because of some of the information I was going to be writing about their religion, but it turns out that might not be the case at all and the friendships I have will be able to endure pretty much anything. I am grateful! That one family member might still try to sue me, but I’m not worried about it.

I am now 3/4 the way through the rough draft. I can’t believe it! I have written 115,000 words so far! I think I started this almost three years ago now, but once I got the Scrivener program, everything just came SO much easier! This last year I have been able to write out most of the book. I swear, if you are working on any kind of manuscript, you MUST get this program. I am a super-endorser of the thing, as is my partner in life, MJP. He has been working on a memoir about his musical experience for even longer, and he is just about finished.

Also, I had been talking about four paintings that I started that were really unlike anything I’ve done before (or at least feels like it). Michael says the new one looks like something I’d do. You tell me:

“The Devil in Me,” 2012. Oil on canvas. 24 x 24 inches.

This next one is still in progress, but it’s really close to being done. I think it is called, “Edith.” It’s 20 x 16 inches, oil on canvas:

The other two are no where near at a point where I’d post them. They look like sloppy blobs.

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Recently I saw Fiona Apple play at the Greek Theater. It was so majorly inspiring and amazing, I don’t even know how to put into words! Get her new album. It’s absolute genius! For her, the more hash, the better. (She was recently arrested for hashish in Texas.)

I also got a wonderful gift in the mail from none other than one of my most favorite artists on Earth, Neil Farber. He sent me a little gouache and ink painting on a small piece of paper because my publishers, Chance Press, gave him a copy of Scribbles in a Sandstorm. Neil made me a red cat wearing blue eye glasses. See?