Even though my thinking brain has been like a bunch of clogged pipes, I’m still trying to envision what comes next for me. That is, after all the work is done for my solo show. I only know that writing has a lot to do with what comes next. I’ve been trying to write out my long-term and short-term goals over the last few days, but it’s a little like pouring molasses.

Then, I thought, why not just start a blog post? Maybe then it will all come together. When I write these blog posts, I do not think much about what I’m writing. It all comes to me in the moment. There are no premeditated thoughts behind it. I usually have a rough idea of what I want to talk about, but it doesn’t always stay on track, unfortunately. But the writing reminds me of the stream-of-consciousness stuff I write in my sketchbooks.

Since I wrote about that mapping project idea, I’ve been wondering what’s next for me. I’d really like to transition my art practice to project-based work and do less painting. For a long time, I’ve had growing anxiety about the backlog of artwork I keep in my garage (my storage space). The last time I took inventory, there were around 200 pieces of art, or I should say paintings, either on canvases or panels. I’m not even counting all the work on paper I keep in three different flat file cabinets.

These next two are older pictures, and I’ve since accumulated much more after a few returns from galleries. Plus all the paintings I’ve made since I’ve lived here.

Most of these shelves are two layers/rows thick. It’s kind of a giant shit show in my head just thinking about it. A big fat albatross around my neck.

I’m always thinking of some way to stop making so many art objects, or at least make smaller “things” that can come together in an installation, or something. I just hate all this stuff piling up! It now feels more like junk than art that’s worth anything, and I’m always trying to think up ways to get rid of it. Or, at least half of it. Though Hannah says she sees me being compelled to make physical objects, and she’s probably right…

Now I’m trying to see getting rid of a lot of my work as a new art project. Just like the mapping project. But the ideas are still fragmented. It’s not clear how I can do it to my own satisfaction, so I need to keep writing about it until I can see myself out of the thicket of the forest that I’m trying to cut through—cutting through all the brush with a dull machete.

“Pay What You Want” is one idea. But I can’t really do this in real life since I live so far from civilization. It’s not easy to get people to come out here, so I need to figure out a way to do it online or something, and I want to pick and choose which pieces I’m good to let go of. It might be hard. I might be some kind of hoarder. And you know how difficult it is for them to get rid of their stuff.

Recently, Hannah’s been working on building a new interface for my database so I can easily create collection groupings. We used to have this some years back, but when php made a huge upgrade, the old interface kinda took a shit. Now it’s getting all fixed up, little by little, like how I’ve been wanting to organize my other storage. I actually managed to make three new bins, by the way, which isn’t much in the scheme of things. However, it’s something that needs to be done a little at a time, requiring a lot of patience on my part, which I don’t have much of. But I’m digressing a bit.

In any case, I think I can do “Pay What You Want” online. I just have to check it against Craig, figure out how to promote it to my collectors and friends, and make sure it doesn’t cost me anything (like shipping fees). I’m going to work on all that in the coming days and weeks, and probably launch it later this year (after my show closes).

Next, part of my goals (both long-term and short-term) is to transition my overall practice by changing what I make and still addressing the core subjects that have kept me interested over the years, like narrative, family, trauma, memory, disability, trans issues, etc. I want to paint less, or at least make fewer oil paintings on stretcher bars and thick cradles. I’ll probably still make works on paper, and I was even thinking of unstretched canvas. I could ultimately roll those up and store them more easily.

Since my brain hasn’t been working well lately, it’s been really hard for me to think things through clearly, make plans, and follow through, let alone imagine what this whole transition might look like. I know I’d like to dive deeper into experimentation with writing, research, web projects, video, and also embroidery, soft sculpture, maybe clay, and, of course, Artist’s books, where storytelling is at the core. A lot of those are physical things! But narrative (however it’s presented) has been my foundation for everything, and I don’t see that changing. I don’t see the autobiographical aspect changing either. I already know I’ll be changing that mapping project to focus on my life, not others’. Sounds a little self-centered, but it’s not completely. I see it resonating with others as well.

Anyhow, that’s quite enough of all this thinking out loud. On another note, I finished two of the last three paintings for my show, and I’m officially wrapping up the very last one for Relative Strangers. I’m waiting for the last application of paint to tack dry. I painted the whole background a dark, purply red. Once that’s dry enough, I’ll mix a couple of buff colors with white underpaint and cover all that up. Then, I’ll use a toothpick to scratch the surface, creating little grassy patterns for the wallpaper.

Here are the two finished ones: Intermittent Gratification and A Dangerous Frisbee Cake:

And that’s all for now.