Believe it or not, I am still waiting to make an appointment with a neurosurgeon/interventionalist! I have to wait until they call me because the doctor reviews all the referrals before you are even able to make an appointment, even if it’s urgent, like in my case. I have a mind to call my insurance company about it and complain, but I am going to try to be patient.

It’s been over a week. I did call the guy in Rancho Mirage again to see if the doctor reviewed my referral, and they said that there’s a person that takes care of getting those to the doctor, but she’s been out on vacation. She returns tomorrow, but there’s no guarantee that I will get a call tomorrow. It could be another week!

In the meantime, I started to freak out yesterday because I had some time to actually think and dwell on it. I can’t really drive. I can’t really do anything around the house. So, I’ve been painting to distract myself from all the danger of my aneurysm rupturing. It’s confusing because I didn’t even know I had one. It has been pretty fine all this time (depending on when it developed—no one knows!), so I guess I could be safe. Maybe? Who knows?

Today and yesterday, I worked on a long career narrative. I plan to apply for the Guggenheim at the end of the summer. I really don’t know why because I don’t think I’m at the caliber of all the other people that will be applying, and because of evidence of the past winners. Many of the visual artists have been in a lot of important museum shows and commercial galleries, especially in NYC. Some have been in the Whitney, and are in super prestigious collections. They’ve done artist residencies I could only dream of getting into: MacDowell, Skowhegan, etc. I haven’t been able to get into those, and for years I’ve tried.

I guess it’s good practice to write a narrative, however. For what, though? Am I going to apply again when my career gets better? I honestly don’t see that happening. I’m 57, and I’ve been stuck with no major opportunities. Not to blame Joshua Tree, but I no longer live in LA where I can network better. I don’t even know what’s going on in the LA art scene. Not at all.

All I can do is visit when I have $500 to shell out for an Airbnb. Every time I go, that’s about how much it costs, not including gas and some of the food.

What else can I do? Make art. I’m up for it lately, so I’m painting as fast as I can—working on my newer series. But with that, there’s been more waiting. I can’t believe how long sections of the last two paintings are taking to dry. So, I started another new one, even though I royally fucked up the panel it’s on. I was trying to seal it, but something weird happened. I either didn’t stir up the shellac mixture enough, or it’s because the panel I bought is already sealed with a clear gesso. It’s supposed to allow for any type of paint to go on top of it, but that doesn’t mean I know what the hell clear coat is on it.

I tried to sand it down and start over, which didn’t exactly work. I couldn’t get rid of the thicker parts of the coats I’d put on. I’ve done this a thousand times in my life, but this one just didn’t work out. I’m scared to seal the next panel.

Anyway, I got enough of it sealed evenly to draw my composition on it, and I can avoid the parts that are uneven because most of it (the middle part) is going to be covered with paint.

At least oil paint, when applied on wood, dries significantly faster. I shouldn’t speak too soon, but that’s the experience I’ve seen. Maybe by the time I’ve done all my top layers, one of the other two will be dry and I can go back to those. I was really hoping I could get one more painting done before the end of June. But that’s not going to happen.

I’m waiting for the background on this to dry:

Then I can paint the face easier. I’m also waiting for this one to dry, so I can paint the parts I can’t get to:

I also need to paint over the gold stripes because it’s entirely too bright. Those are thick and, because of that color, it’s going to take an eternity to dry.

Both of these are on canvas, and one of them (the portrait) is going in a group show in LA for October.