Jealous of You

Do I get jealous of you? Isn’t jealousy a natural feeling? Animals get jealous. I see my dog get that way all the time.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with jealousy. I think it’s a good thing.

I’m talking about as an artist.

As a drummer, this feeling inspired me. I loved it when someone was better than me. I really did. It made me happy. Few things make me happy.

But there’s a big difference between envy and schadenfreude, or hating  someone for their successes. I guess it’s all how you channel it.

In music it was a lot easier. It inspired me when someone was a better drummer. Maybe it was a little harder when it was a closer competition though, I will admit that. Like if another drummer was auditioning for the same gig – of course I didn’t want him to get it over me. I suppose I hoping for some misfortune to rain down upon him. Ha! (Nothing too serious, of course.)

Okay, I’m guilty.

I guess what got me thinking about this is because I normally don’t mind the fact that I generally like other people’s art more than my own. I mean, I do. If I didn’t, I’d hang my own art all over my house. I like my own art, don’t get me wrong, but I’m too fickle about it. There are days I really hate it with a passion.

I don’t get that way with other people’s work. If I love it, I usually keep loving it more with time.

What am I getting at exactly?

Well, my friend, Brian Novatny, is having his first solo show in many years. He is showing all new paintings and drawings and his style has evolved drastically over all this time, and now, I am absolutely in love with the work I have seen of his so far, especially this painting:


He sent it to me in the invite for his upcoming show, which opens next Thursday at 6:PM at Mulherin + Pollard in NYC.

I used to show with Brian at George Billis Gallery. In fact, we were supposed to have a 2-person show in 2010, but some stuff happened that I can’t talk about. The “stuff” made us both mad and that made us bond over some drinks in Chelsea, then again the next night on the Lower East Side, then again the next night somewhere else, I’m not sure. It got to be a blur after that, but we’re buddies now.

Anyway, I either want this painting, wish I had painted this painting myself, or just feel like shit about myself today. Maybe that’s all that jealousy is really. Feeling like shit about yourself that day. It has to be.

But I’m not sure.

Does my dog feel like shit about herself?

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