Looking Out For No. 1: 1977

When I was a kid growing up in the late 70s, I would notice a stack of self-help books left next to the toilet in my mother’s bathroom – a place she (and let’s admit, many of yous) enjoyed reading.

During that time – a time I severely disliked her – I couldn’t help but think about how sickly ironic it all was. I mean, she was probably just trying to improve herself like any of us. And knowing what I know now about her life, she did not think well of herself at all, but during that time when I was a preteen, I could not think of a more self-centered person on the face of the Earth. And unfortunately, this too was partially true despite her mental illness et al. Yet, here were books with titles like, How to Be Your Own Best Friend, I’m OK – You’re OK, A Guide to Rational Living, and the icing on the cake: Looking Out for No. 1. Number one!? Boy did that piss me off. If that wasn’t a person who didn’t think she wasn’t number one, but rather the only one…

Well, I digress. Just a little.

Here I am at 44. Now I can see how that book might be of some use! Ha! And now I remember what brought me to write this. Today is my first day of a long, artful meditation. I wasn’t expecting realizations. But here’s one. A motto of mine has always been – in terms of others: Understand, Accept, Forgive. NEVER did I even think to do this for myself. And of course I never thought to do it for myself before the other person. Ummm Duh!

Me first!

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