This morning, I finally hit the “submit” button on the Creative Capital grant application. I began to think I fucked it all up because I got logged out. I kept the application’s browser window open for many days because I didn’t want to be too hasty about submitting. I’d finished the application maybe a week ago, but I thought maybe I would want to change something.
Being logged out of the Creative Capital site, I thought I could just log back in. Then I noticed I hadn’t saved my username and password in 1Password. I kinda freaked out at that point, but thankfully, I was able to guess the correct password. Whew!
It wouldn’t have been the end of the world, since I’d saved all my answers in a Word doc, but I wasn’t sure whether I had altered them on the site. But this was all a moot point. Once I was able to log back in, I saw that all my most current answers were there, so I hit “submit” before anything really freaky happened.
Finally, the application is complete! It took such a long time to hone in on what the project was about and to write it clearly. But I felt pretty good about it, so I should have submitted it last week.
The project is titled What Remains. It’s about the gap between patients and their loved ones when it comes to dementia. My mom had Lewy Body. I helped her in her final months, and she taught me a lot about what it means to be human. Despite having a horrible relationship with her my whole life, we bonded on a very visceral level in the end. It was healing and profound.
I had to figure out how to represent this point in a multimedia installation that I could pitch to a museum or a nonprofit space, since there wouldn’t be much “commerce” involved, not that Craig would turn down my idea, but I would like to present it to a wider kind of audience.
I also can’t fully create the project without funds. I need Adobe programs, possibly a better video camera, an assistant, supplies and equipment, and unique objects, and I plan to do a residency at an elder care center, which might not be local.
There’s a great organization in Chicago called Memory Bridge, which connects community people and students with dementia patients. They train them to communicate with patients in a way that makes patients feel they matter. I know about it because one of my collectors is the founder of the place. It’s an amazing program I would love to do. However, the program is held during a retreat in Indiana, and Indiana has some of the most stringent anti-trans laws in the country. So that’s out for me! I’m trying to think of a way to do something similar elsewhere, or perhaps pitch a good idea to the founder to do it in the Chicago area.
I’m hoping to find some resources to follow through with this project, whether I win the grant or not, which really isn’t likely. It’s a super competitive grant like the Guggenheim. I just don’t want to do crowdfunding if it comes down to that. I’ve already been putting together a Kickstarter campaign to raise funds to pay honorariums for my discussion panel members. That hasn’t launched yet, and I’m not sure it will. I still have to wait for the results of one last microgrant I applied for and/or hear back from my lawyer before I can fund it straight through my special needs trust, which is super complicated.
Trust me, if I launch the campaign, I will be promoting it here and all over the world!
By the way, the panel will happen no matter the funding. It would just put me in quite a bit of debt. Either way, it’s happening at Craig Krull Gallery on Saturday, June 6th at 11:00 AM. Coffee and donuts will be served. But please RSVP via email or telephone: info@craigkrullgallery.com or (310) 828-6410.