Straight Up Rape

Today in therapy we talked about my childhood sexual molestation and how convoluted and difficult it is for victims of sexual abuse by people of whom you know. That particular situation can be so confusing. Many blame themselves and wind up having difficult relationships in their lives compared to those who have been raped by strangers. The latter is a cut and dry scenario and there is no doubt that you were an innocent victim that had been violated, assaulted, raped, or what have you. When it happens by someone you know i.e. a family member, someone close to you, a “friend,” or even a date rape, it gets murky and often times the victim will not identify themselves as a victim. I, myself don’t even like the idea of “victim” because I associate it with something weak, but I also have felt responsible my entire life for what has happened to me because in some ways I went along with it. The person who violated me was much older than I and somehow I was convinced he was my secret boyfriend even though there were times I was being fully assaulted against my will. Still, I felt I held responsibility. Yet, if I had an 11 year old of my own, I would be appalled at the idea that she thought she knew what she was doing in the same situation. So I think I learned a lot today.

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