This is the crux of my anxiety. I’ve been hurrying up and waiting for too long. It’s been putting me into such a lousy mental state, it ain’t no bag of clowns. I wanted to title this entry, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Which would better capture how I really feel. Because, while the world passes me by, I’m left here, sitting on my hands looking like a coward, and perhaps I am. Or, at least I have been until now. What do I mean by that? Well, brace yourself, because this is the bomb before the book.
Today I’ll be reporting information, making announcements, and sharing my goings on. Though, you really don’t want to know what goes on behind these drapes, ladies and gentlemen. Lots of hair-pulling, furious tap dancing, and infant-like weeping. A neurotic party of lessons never learned. No resting in sight. But was there ever? I must enjoy it all, deep down in my butt. Or something. However, it takes careful battle planning and tactical training only those of us with secret, and high-security knowledge can know. This message will self-destruct in five seconds. . . five. . . four. . . three. . .
As hard as I tried to stay up til midnight on New Years Eve, I just couldn’t make it. So, it’s official. I’m old!
I woke up to 2019, early, as usual, and felt much the same as I did the year before. Only now I feel that stupid obligation to make changes to “better” myself. Great. More pressure.
I hope everyone had a fine holiday. I got this very sweet and useful gift from mjp, along with some padded punching mittens. They will go to good use. Ha. I usually suppress my mad, and maybe now I’ll get a few good punches in on this thing instead of burying my anger.
