Well the other day I turned 40, and boy do I feel old! Not really. I kid you. I do feel different though. I feel better. I feel better to leave those pesky 30s behind me. What good are they? Except for confusing the hell out of us. I think I was freaked out for the entire decade. Panic attacks, worry, redefining myself… Exhausting! Today I feel sick and tired of that shit and I just am happy to begin the best part of my life. 40 is da shit I tell you! 40 crushes the little girlyman 30s and ignorant, glib-ass 20s. Poop on you hot, fresh youngins with your perfect bodies and bluetooths – being handed prestigious solo shows fresh out of art school. Ya’ll aint got nuthin on me, I’m 40! Four-oh! And I can kick, streeetch aaand kick! I’m forty years old! (Okay, maybe I can’t kick so well, but I can almost touch my toes.)

The only thing I still have to schlep around with me from my 30s are these 30 extra pounds. What is with that? I know that some of the weight comes from medications I have to take, but why should my laziness and indulgences in ice cream be so punishing? I remember ingesting nothing but candy, peanut butter and cigarettes throughout my 20s and never gaining so much as an ounce. In fact, I think I lost weight. And in my 30s, the pounds came at me slowly but shirley. Fuckin’ Shirley. She’s such a see-you-next-tuesday.All of my 30s I lamented my wondrous smoking, thinking that was my ticket to skinny. I considered taking it up again, but alas I probably would have just been a fat smoker opposed to the smelly, musty waif I once was. Oh how youth is wasted on the moronic young.

Okay I think I’m done ranting and raving about my pot belly. I need to go to my Spanish lesson and get ready for a special visitor that’s flying in on a 6pm flight from St Paul.

That white painting I’m working on is coming along, but I haven’t had as much time to work on it as I would have liked. Here it is, more than 3/4 done with the painting. It will need about 45-60 hours of sewing — at least. The mini garment patterns are in Hebrew. It says Stop apologizing for who you are.

5 thoughts on “40

  1. wini brewer July 23, 2008 / 6:18 am

    Happy Birthday Carol! I have good news. It gets even better. Turning 50 was, for me anyway, the decade I began to really find myself. (I think I am one of those late bloomers!) Now I am gonna be 66 and I am much happier than those skinny youngsters. (Only disappointment is that I’m still waiting to grow boobs). Potbellies are easy. xo Wini Brewer

  2. wini brewer July 23, 2008 / 6:19 am

    PS: I LOVE, LOVE the white painting. WIni

  3. Nikki July 23, 2008 / 11:34 am

    The 40’s are the new 30’s! I’m glad that you are embracing it. Oh, and being skinny is overrated. No worries. You look great anyway so quit worrying soo much. 🙂

    Love love your new piece!

  4. jen July 24, 2008 / 12:50 pm

    well, you don’t know me–but I’m in my forties, and i love your honesty and your art. Thanks for being so yourself and being so generous with your work in progress. It’s great stuff.

  5. Kel in NC July 25, 2008 / 2:58 pm

    Happy birthday Carol.I really hope you had a great day.

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