Ayin Es

Parallel Paths

February 12, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today I am getting ready to go out to the Palm Springs Fine art Fair. I’m leaving early tomorrow morning. While I’m there, I’m not only going to go to the museum to see the Diebenkorn show, but I am hoping to shoot some footage for my upcoming Kickstarter campaign. I realized that if I don’t land some kind of residency out in Joshua Tree, I am going to have to fund my solo show project in some other capacity. Getting some minimal footage while I’m out that way will be enough to at least make the video teaser for the campaign.

I don’t want to give away the title of my show yet, but I’ll let the cat out of the bag as far as my plans.

I talked before about learning Hebrew and my interest in Kabbalah. I’m going to get more into that, if you don’t mind. Just some basics. It’s interesting, I swear. Okay, maybe only to me.

kabbalah

First off, Kabbalah is often misunderstood, and I first talked about that in my post right before this one. I mentioned the cult of the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, but it was misunderstood even before that. A lot of people have considered it a kind of “black magic” or even an “occult” side of Judaism, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Not that there isn’t a kind of magic to it, there is. There can be, and there was at one time, but that’s not the kind of Kabbalah I’m interested in. That is called “Practical Kabbalah,” and I will skip that.

To oversimplify it, there is a fundamental, kabbalistic concept of G-d, as the Ein Sof, the Ten Sefirot, and the kabbalistic tree of life.

Now this part is right up my alley, and that is, that the true essence of G-d is so transcendent that it cannot be described, except with reference to what it is not. I love that! This true essence of G-d is known as Ein Sof, which literally means “without end,” which encompasses the idea of G-d’s lack of boundaries in both time and space.

The Ten Sefirot (Sefirot) are emanations, or qualities, and in this case interactions – how G-d interacts with the universe. G-d has both masculine and feminine qualities, and the Kabbalah pays particular attention to the feminine.

Okay, there’s that much in a very small nutshell.

This is mostly where my meditation interest came from. And as far as the Torah, I’ve been reading that too. It’s taken me a long, long, long time to read Genesis. You’d think that would be fairly easy, but I have been torn between several translations of it and several ways I wanted to understand it, in different perspectives I guess you can say: metaphorically, historically, religiously, and from the viewpoints of many sects of Judaism and Christianity.

And now I am beginning Exodus with a much different perspective than I had when I started Genesis, and so much has happened in my life since then too. So much death, so much growth. And my art, wow! How can I describe how far that has come?

This project means more to me than just putting together a solo show. It is a perfect plan without a plan. I’ve assembled the framework where all I have to do is place my feet along the stones in the path (there I will be grounded) and my head and hands will be free to do whatever comes naturally.

path

I guess I’ll have to wait until next time before I start describing the stones on that path. Sorry Charlie.

I do know that all I need is 10 days out in Joshua Tree. I can get my preliminary work done in 10 days.

A Brief and Boring History

February 6, 2014February 6, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

I have been on-again off-again studying Hebrew. I might have mentioned this before. I got interested in Kabbalah years ago, otherwise known as Jewish mysticism. But this tends to get confused with that shit that Madonna and Sandra Bernhard were doing at the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles. That was actually nothing more than a cult run by a guy named Phillip Berg, I kid you not. I don’t say stuff like that lightly. I know of what I speak. I actually will go so far to say that I’m rather the expert in the subject of mind control and cults. So there.

But that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about art.

So, I’ve been most interested in the mysticism behind the Hebrew alphabet really. I got really into the aesthetics of their shape and form, and how they developed in history as hieroglyphs, etc. I started to read about their numeric values, their overall meaning in the Talmud because of their form, and all of this lead me to some interesting places in my art, and, quite frankly, in my spiritual growth.

Now, many years ago, I gave up on anything that remotely resembled the “spiritual.” In most ways, I am still a realist. I am not going to get into religion so much here, but just for the sake of relaxing and focus, all of this Hebrew letter shit got me to start meditating. But not like how you think! I wasn’t sitting cross-legged on a pillow chanting, “Om,” or levitating, or some such goofy thing like this, I was just not thinking upon the work I wanted to do.

I’m not sure if that makes any sense.

A few years back I was doing these paintings with garment patterns arranged as Hebrew letters set as the main compositions. This was back when I first got interested in this stuff.

I only did a few of these kinds of pieces before I could really dive into the whole process…

Then life happened. Or death rather. I got sidetracked. I’m not sure what happened, but I lost a lot of focus for a really long, long time. And it’s not like I didn’t paint. I did. I painted a lot. I was just busy, with Dan

(this Dan above is from my new, upcoming book by the way) and busy with gumballs and so forth:

Now, I’ve been feeling totally rejuvenated with the last few dozen paintings I’ve been doing, and I’m really focused – like so incredibly honed in – that I want to apply what I have been doing

into my original plan from yesteryear.

Next, if you’re not asleep yet, I’ll tell you all about how I plan to do that – out in the desert.

Blah Blah Blah

February 3, 2014February 3, 2014Ayin Es1 Comment

I’ve been setting up the picklebird site again. Just a simple Word Press blog. Very bare bones.

The bottom line is that I need to start selling off my art collection, or at least some of it. Now, when I say that, that doesn’t mean art by me. It means art by other artists. I just wanted to make that clear.

We not only don’t have the room for it, but it’s time to raise funds, simplify our lives, and start preparing for the End of Days. …not really on that last part. Or actually, if you thought I was serious, keep thinking that. You’re quite the character.

I’ll most likely be auctioning things off on Ebay under the picklebird name, but rest assured, I’ll be telling you all about it on my blog here too.

So I finished the layout for my book in Adobe InDesign! I know how to work it, and I know how to work Illustrator. What a feat that was. I’m no pro ar anything, but I basically know both programs now, InDesign more than Illustrator of course, but hey, I’m damn proud of myself for picking up two new skill sets. Do you think someone would hire me? A 45 year-old artist with great writing skills but needs to go to the bathroom every five minutes, needs several naps a day, requires two hands to lift a coffee mug to her mouth, and cries after every one of her 15 panic attacks per day? I only get overwhelmed if you give me two tasks at a time. It’s not so bad. My social anxiety only kicks in when I have to talk to an actual person and the pain in my legs, hips and back only persists for the hours I am actually awake. I think I can easily get a job.

My favorite thing is when people think I don’t have a job.

“Oh you’re an artist? I would love to have free time all day.”

“Since you’re not doing anything, can you run to the store for me?”

“You’re so lucky you get to dabble in paint all day.”

I also love it when people say, “There’s no such thing as a ‘self-taught’ artist.”

People say that! I hear it all the time. It comes from other artists, mostly artists that went to school. They are very adamant about it too.

“You learned from somewhere. A book, a video, from looking at a painting. Society.” They think it’s so far-fetched!

What if I bought or stole some art supplies and just tried it out? What if I kept doing that until I seemed to make it work out? Good Golly! I must be some kind of magic genius!

“The paint taught you!, not yourself! How dare you take credit for what the art supplies obviously taught you! You are anti-teacher.”

Anyway, it goes on and on. Sometimes it’s almost that ridiculous.

I finished this little painting finally. I named it, Runaway Slinkies:

There was more I was going to say, but now I forgot.

Happy February.

Just Words

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

Just words today. Again. No pretty pictures. Just cerebral ramblings from a mixed up little woman child.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on a giant learning curve, all because of this book, but it’s totally worth it. These are all things I have to learn anyway. I’m learning both Adobe Illustrator, and InDesign at the same time. And these are both major programs with some difficulty involved. You can’t just learn these things overnight, but I am doing the fastest tutorials available in order to get the hang of it. That way I can at least be able to accomplish what I need to for this damn book. I have 30-day trials on both programs, so that is part of the urgency, not that it’s all that urgent really. I can always pay for a subscription for a month or two, until I get the book squared.

This damn book. This damn book alright. I know what you’re thinking. Why do I do these things if they cause me so much grief? I must like to put myself through it. I must be some sort of masochist, right?

Yes, that’s right. I do like it. I like the challenge. I revel in the fight I suppose. When I have a mind to do something, to get something done, I want to do it. I will do it. Sometimes it is easy. Paintings are easy. Sometimes books can be easy. Usually, my books are ambitious. This one is really not as ambitious as some others I have done. Not really. Although, perhaps I could have made a few original books of 60 drawings by now. Heh. But not 30 books. That I know from experience.

The truth is, I am excited about it more than I am stressed. I just love to complain. It’s in my blood.

Speaking of which, I have had the flu for over two weeks now. It acts as a smoldering fire, the embers burning inside my pajamas. It doesn’t seem to stop. I meant to go to the reception of the book show I am in, down at Otis on Saturday night, but I just didn’t feel good. The show is incredible actually. I’m showing with Ed Ruscha, Larry Bell, Kim Abeles, Chris Burden, Laura Owens, Niki de Saint Phalle, Paul McCarthy, Annie Sprinkle, Bruce Nauman, and Kara Walker! Plus so many more incredible and major book artists. Too many to name (I was just doing a little name dropping there, please forgive me).

I should also mention that my book, Today’s Quandary. got picked up by Printed Matter. Woop.

So, there is nothing more comforting than mediating in the sun. It gives me the warm fuzzies. I’m not even allowed in the sun (I’m allergic because of some medication I take), but it is so nice to feel it just a little bit in the morning. To tell the truth, it’s the closest I have ever felt to feeling like a little baby being cradled and safe in someone’s mothering arms. Whose, I’m not sure, but it sure feels nice.

After I get my fix on from that, I sit in my studio, just barely shadowed from the sun. There’s about a three foot band of chocolate brown on the pavement past the large threshold of my rubber studio floor, that is the garage. Gemma, my little dog lays on the cement just past that shadow to get a suntan. She’s always watching what I’m doing like it’s the most interesting thing on Earth.

I was going to write a whole thing about what I’m going to do when I get out into the desert, but I guess I will save that for later. I can’t wait until I get there, but I’m going to have to raise the funds to do it. I’ll have to get on the horn with that as a next project sooner than later.

A Day of Ghosts

January 23, 2014January 24, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today was a freaky day. It was like I got a lot done, but it seemed like I was just fucking off all day. It was weird.

I must remember that there is a certain amount of important work that happens in art that is not physical, and not tangible, yet feasible and meaningful. Today was a day like that.

I finished writing my Project Proposal for my next exhibition. Now, maybe you’re thinking, your gallery makes you write a proposal? No, they certainly do not. I do stuff like this for my own self. I’m a weirdo. I have my reasons for being weird like this too. Trust me, all that will come out in the open eventually. For now, just trust me when I tell you that I am weird like this for a reason.

For now, it helps me to write all this stuff out, and organize it, and my thoughts, so I can have a better grasp on what I’m doing for the next year or so. And today, it all just hit me and fell perfectly into place: the trip out to the desert, the paintings, the drawings, the installation, all of it. Even the name of the show for God sake! Do I dare splain? No. I do not.

I also chatted with a friend today and brought up all these rather heavy subjects that I thought were fine for me to chat about, but apparently NOT! I got really upset. Next thing I knew, I went from celebrating what I had accomplished the first half of my day, to feeling like a piece of poop on a stick. There are a select few people that get to me, and talking about those people …I don’t know. Every time I think I am threw with all that pain, or being affected by those people, I’m right back where I started!

Okay, so here is a work in progress, (I don’t usually show those, but this is very different!) and it is very small: just 12 x 12 inches. This one is going slow, as they all have been lately. I don’t mind that though.

It’s on unfinished (raw) canvas. I thought that would be “fun.” All of what you see so far is acrylic, which is also so very different for me. More like a giant pain in the ass! I am not a fan, nor am I very good with acrylics.

I recently finished a couple others. This one, my favorite is Bulletproof 2, and older painting that I turned upside down and painted over, but didn’t fully cover:

This one is 24 x 24 inches.

I also finished these two:

That’s Helicopter Pants (11″ x 14″) and New Years (4″ x 4″).

I know it looks like I did all this stuff in a month, but all but New Years had all been started long ago. New Years is the only one I started and finished in 2014.

Conclusion?

Onward.