Better Days

I’m still working on upcycling my business cards. And I finished that landscapey painting, so maybe I’m having better days, or at least being productive.

Keeping busy is always a good remedy, but it can also put me in my head if I’m not careful. My therapist is working with me to stay mindful of being in the moment. We’re also addressing not judging myself when shit comes up. It’s not the easiest thing.

Here’s the painting. It’s 16 x 20 inches, oil on clayboard and it’s called Chain Mountain. It’s kinda based on fold mountains which happen when two tectonic plates get pushed together:

I had my three-month follow-up with my surgeon this morning. Time is finally flying by now that I’m no longer in pain. I’m just having discomfort, which I can easily deal with. When I move a little outside of my range of motion, it does hurt, but I can tell that it will go away in time. I’m moving into better days.

I’ll admit, for a while it was miserable. I felt like I was going to feel pain forever. My life started to feel so grim, I was nearly regretting the surgery. But I’m 100% happy that I did it–now that I am out of the woods. And I would do it again and go through the awful recovery process, knowing what it’s like on the other side. Absolutely.

I believe it will take a full year before I will feel “normal.” I had a hysterectomy in my mid-thirties, and it took a little over a year before my body adapted to things. That was decades ago. I imagine this will take just as long.

When I’m at that one-year mark, I do want to get a large tattoo across my chest just above my scar. I’m not sure if I mentioned that (I’m having bad memory problems, and I’m too lazy to search the blog). I want primarily black and gray, American traditional, floral stuff (roses and poppies). I’d like some color here and there. I’m thinking some red.

I was going to go back to my old tattooer in Los Angeles, but I’m probably going to a new guy out in Palm Desert. (Sorry, Lance.) I will need to do it in a few sessions, and I don’t want to drive out to LA every time. I can usually only sit for about an hour and a half to two hours at a time. After two hours, the tattoo gun starts getting on my last nerve. I figure, from what I’m imagining, it will take three sessions at least.

I have probably not mentioned how to pronounce my new name, Ayin. It’s like the name Ryan without the ‘R,’ or “eye-en.” Many people have asked me. But even I have mistakenly said my own name wrong, like “aye-in,” so if you say it incorrectly–no worries! I actually don’t mind how it sounds either way. I just like the meaning of it, the look of the spelling, and the whole vibe all in all.

2 thoughts on “Better Days

  1. linda cohen June 17, 2021 / 1:40 pm

    I love the painting– all the shades of green & the bright colored buildings.

  2. Ayin Es June 18, 2021 / 5:19 am

    Thank you Linda. I really do appreciate that. It took some thinking as I went along, but I think it paid off in the end. I’m so glad you like it! I have been thinking about you and hope you’re doing well.

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