Art & Process

Happy New Year

Ayin Es1 Comment

Today is the first day of a new decade. How weird. How weird that I have lived through a few decades. I don’t feel all that old. I kinda still feel like I’m 8. Well anyway, good riddance to 2009. A thorn in my side. I made a stupid rhyme. I’m not once for New Year’s resolutions, but I have quite a few this time. I had my last cigarette yesterday. (Make way for dramatic mood swings.) And I have to lose all the weight I put on this past year. A year and a half actually, because it started with all the fast food in Las Vegas while staying in hospice with my dad. I’ve been eating badly ever since as a form of comfort and depression. So all that is going to stop and regular exercise will become a priority. Not only will it be better for me physically, it will apparently take me out of the doldrums – so say the doctors.

January I will begin working on a new series of paintings for my show in the fall at George Billis Gallery in Los Angeles. I’m looking forward to making the work. A little nervous about it too, but that’s a good thing I suppose. While working on it all, I’m also going to be embarking on a project that is totally different for me: a stop-motion animation project. I am lucky enough to partner up with UK artist Susan Holloway who is going to help me with making 2 short films. I am trying to get funding for the project, but if I don’t get it, I am still going to inch my way through the project slowly but surely.

I started to employ a part time assistant. That is totally new. And strange. I have never done that before and it’s not easy to let go of things or even know exactly what to divvy out. It forces me to organize my days a lot more because I have to give her something to do for the hours she is here that will essentially make it easier for me to just paint. It’s weird to let someone else do my administrative stuff because I’m such a control freak. It requires trust. She is one of my best friends, so I got lucky on that front. Having her seal panels and stuff like that will be interesting, and probably easy. It’s not brain surgery. Overall though, it’s very different, but it’s making me work more because I’m on a schedule part of the week. The rest of the week I can go into the studio at my leisure, so I still have time to do crack and drink whiskey.

Write Now

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I really don’t have much to say. I’ve been painting. I’ve been under the weather. My friend’s father just passed away. I’m busy, but depressed. Holidays kind of suck. I’m cold. I need a shower. My legs hurt. I’m keeping busy. I got a part time assistant (who is also my friend). Things are moving along. I started my novel. I am getting organized. I miss avoiding my parents this time of year. I am mad at past boyfriends. I am sad about old friends. I look forward to 2010. I’m excited about upcoming work. I’m mad I haven’t quit smoking yet. I don’t like the shape of my face. My dogs annoy me. I love my boyfriend. My car is comfortable. I’m always tired. I wish I could have children. I’m glad I don’t have kids. I don’t have time to write in this blog right now.

 

Happy Holidays.

Buckle Down

Ayin Es2 Comments

Just buckling down, finishing up work, shipping them out and working on a few pieces at once. I finished up those few I had posted about earlier and they are on my site here – some of them on their way to Houston for my show that opens on the 5th, while some are on their way to Miami for the Red Dot Fair, and even more are packed up now, waiting to be shipped out to Latrobe, PA for a show at Saint Vincent College. Lots going on, so that’s good. I started a new one called, “I Waited for You,” but this is a really bad cell phone camera shot of it:

It’s a 36-inch square, oil, paper and linen on canvas and it still needs lots more paint and embroidery, but the basic composition is there. I’m also working on a tiny piece of my dad on a cell phone, a medium/small panel with some Hebrew on it, and considering doing some garment sculptures, but am going to need a sewing machine for it. It’s going to be very different for me and quite unsaleable, so it’s a bit of an unnerving idea. There’s also this animation idea I’d like to try. It’s super simple, but I think I need to to it. …Could be the drugs talking though. I don’t know.

Something big that I started completely sober is my book. Not an Artists’ book. A creative, autobiographical piece of genuine non-fictional, soon-to-be- novel-sized book.

I also put Horsebucket on super sale for 80 bucks until January 1st, so swoop in on the rest of them while they last.

I saw The Family Stone today, not a bad movie. I was intrigued with the family dynamics. I also saw Hard Core Logo the other night and it was also not too bad. Interesting, but expected more. Still, had I not expected anything, I would have wound up liking it more.

OH! Speaking of REAL writing. Real good writing that is, You MUST see my boyfriend’s new book page and READ THE DESCRIPTIONS of the books. They are absolutely hysterical! And I must say he is not really exaggerating much at all because you can see from his descriptions that he’s a damn talented writer and funny person. Buying one of his books ain’t no shabby, bad idear either. You’ll find out in a short amount of time why I fell in love with him.

Another Long One

Ayin Es4 Comments

OMG. I’m having a hell of a time right now. Today is the first official day I will not be smoking anymore. I picked up the bad habit again about a year ago when my dad was dying. I have been able to quit for months at a time since then, but then another highly stressful situation would rear its ugly head, and I’d be right back, suckin’ em down again. I’ve given myself a break here and there with the illness and death of my folks, fights with my brother, depression over all of it, but then I was able to quit in August. I quit for a whole month! Why did I go back after I was over the worst part of withdraw and well on my way to a healthier future? I do not know! That’s when I noticed all the excuses coming in that were not nearly as justifiable as high stress situations. “I’m not quite ready to quit yet.” Or “I love smoking!” “It gets me to spend more time outdoors.” “It fits my personality better than not smoking.” “It helps me relax.” “It’s better than being addicted to heroin!”

The excuse list has just been really lame, so I set a quit date for November 20th. I know today is only the 19th, but I ran out of cigarettes yesterday at 3PM. Now I could buy a last pack today, and maybe even smoke them all so I feel like such shit, tomorrow will be easy. Believe me, I’m thinking about it, but I should probably just get a head start on this shit now.

Okay, enough about the Cancer sticks. What has been going on? If I wrote in this blog more often, you’d be able to keep up without having to read all this bullshit. But the truth is that I’ve been busy. I finished up those paintings I last posted. And I prepared my shipment for my Houston show at Koelsch Gallery. It went out yesterday. (The show opens on December 5th.)  It’s called “Float Without Moving.”

And I’ve been getting my studio (Moppet) all cleaned and prepared for the big Open Studios I’m having this Sunday!  Are you coming? Because I think I am so confused and out of mind mind from nicotine withdraw that I’ve cut my prices for that day to redonkulous amounts. Good thing this sale will only be one day because it felt like I was being stabbed when I priced some of this stuff. But, I’ll heal. I am determined to do anything to get you to own some art work. (Do I sound like a car salesman yet?)

It’s all day Sunday, November 22, 2009 from 9:30 AM to 5:00 PM!

I realize that a lot of other people on the Discover Tour are going to have very inexpensive art items that are very friendly and helpful for the holidays. Even with my prices cut, I am probably still not going to be in their range, but there are a ton of drawings of mine you can buy for 50 bucks, and plenty more under $300. Even a few paintings are as low as $650.  I may even bring in a few more significant ones and mark them under 1000. Maybe I’ll be nuts enough to trade for a drag off your cigarette! Nah, hopefully by Sunday, I won’t be as crabby as I am going to be today through Saturday.

In some unrelated news, I wanted to help promote my other half’s new special edition book, published by Chance Press in Oakland, Ca. It is a little hand-sewn chapbook about his first guitar entitled, “No. 2236 Flying Wedge.” If you are not familiar with MJP’s (AKA Michael Phillips) writing, this would be a good chance to get introduced to his style. Very few writers know how to write with a distinct personality intact and make it breezy to read – like it is reading itself. It takes a very special talent to do that. Bukowski had it, John Fante had it, and without being bias, Phillips has it in spades. He’s been hard at work on his novel for the last year and I am just sitting on my hands with excitement, waiting until I get to read the first draft – which is just around the corner. In the meantime, he bangs out little stories like “No 2236 Flying Wedge,” paints little sketches on the special parts of the edition in a day, and it’s whipped together faster than you can say to yourself, “I wonder if I should put out a little book.”

The Terribles

Ayin Es3 Comments

I’ve been working on “terrible” paintings lately. I am doing this because I feel I’ve had such fear of making a bad painting, that I over-think my approach. This idea has really been helping me to get back into the swing of things again.I have quite a few pieces in progress and only a couple so far really are terrible.

I got this notion after speaking with a good friend of mine, Robin Cracknell. Robin is an amazing fine art photographer in London. His works are compelling with deep-rooted issues around giving a voice to children that have perhaps not been taken seriously, believed, or otherwise ignored. It speaks volumes, to me especially. His work just continues to resonate with me. And having this inspiring conversation with him has brought new light to my process in making my own work. I don’t know how to thank him, but I hope this new energy lasts a good long while. I’ve needed it.

So here are a few works that are still in progress:

thedealip

This one is called The Deal and the painting on it is done. Now it needs to be embroidered all over. A time consuming task.

This next one, Ofrenda, I’ve been working on since I moved into my studio and I would say that the painting bits are very close to done. Then I’ll have to wait for it to dry and start on the embroidery.

ofrenda3aip

Now this one is a complete piece of crap that I still don’t know what to do with:

shit

It seems pretty unfinished, but you get the basic gist of what it is mostly looking like.

The following is finished, but it’s, well, I have no idea about it. But it’s called, Have a Beer.

haveabeer

What the hell do you make of it? Actually, nevermind. No comments from the audience, please. I need to make my own decisions, and that’s something that is not so easy for me to do, but I’m learning and getting a bit better at it. I am good at making instinctual decisions, just not conscious ones!

I’m also working on this big square the has a giant red circle on it. I know what I want to do with it, it’s just a little weird. Trying to be weird and allowing yourself to be weird are two very different things, mind you. Giving yourself permission to be free is one thing. Attempting, and trying, to be odd and original does not work. It’s all about listening to your true voice. This is genuine. Letting all the crap from the art world, commercialism, galleries, critics, and other people enter your mind is just suicide. This kind of focus is not easy. “How does this work with my other paintings” is another fucked up thought that tries to sabotage me in my studio. You have to stop thinking in terms of shows, series, bodies of work to really start making art that is true to yourself, and all these tasks are not as easy as one would think because we all want to be loved and we all want success. I guess it’s just a matter of redefining what success is — all the while living in a society that clearly dictates which achievements are successful. Fucken society! Who needs em?

Okay, in other news, artist Jeremy Quinn has featured his studio visit at Moppet on his blog. What a nice treat!

Happy Halloween everybody!

I was going to ramble on about something else, but now I forget, so bye.