Art & Process

Fear-facing

Ayin Es5 Comments

Okay, so for the last few days I’ve been painting in the studio, totally skipping out on my computer. I wake up, have my coffee, do a very quick check for important emails, put on my jeans and a t-shirt and run out the door before I get caught up in something that will inevitably distract me from getting my ass in gear. It’s been good – I am working on I-don’t-know-what-the-fuck/fear-facing stuff, mainly a 36 x 48 inch canvas that is not too terrible.

When I come home, I eat and have been working on my City of LA Individual Artist Grant Application – a very hard grant to win, but I try every year nonetheless. I am a little worried about my all-too-honest project narrative this time though. I blatantly state I will be working on a body of terrible art. Hahaha! But I do explain it so it’s not just left at that. Every day I have been trying to recommit myself to making terrible work so that I can just bust through my little inner rut/boredom/depression about my art. And it’s working.

Yesterday, I had a very wonderful visitor come to my studio: Hendrik Stooker, the co-founder of the Arroyo Arts Collective and retired, senior curator at the Occidental College Art Gallery. It was the first time I have met him in person, and truly loved him right off the bat. I am sort of glad when he left though because I really could have talked to him all night long. He was also very encouraging and full of ideas about how I can sell more art, but I fear I disappointed him with my pessimism and general disinterest in selling anything. For the Discovery Tour however, I do plan on putting out my least expensive work, like small paintings and drawings. I’ll tack them all over the place for November 22nd like it’s some kind of last-chance bake sale. Honestly though, I think people on the tour will be looking for art on the cheap and I am probably not their greatest bet. But I am going to make my best effort and put out as much work under $400 as possible. I will even slash my prices on my books and a few other tidbits. Whatever it takes to help make the day successful.

Last 2nd Saturday went well. No sales of course, but a ton of people came through. All my cookies and veggies were gone before 8:00, and all my bottled water went to the bike-riding looky-loos. I will be skipping next month’s 2nd Saturday NELA artwalk so that I may focus all my prep and promotion to the Discover Tour.

Tomorrow I have a studio visit from my gallery director, Tressa Williams. She started at George Billis LA not too long ago and I will be meeting her in person for the first time as well. She is picking art for the Miami fair and I’m really nervous about not having any – or having to “sacrifice” some pieces set aside for my Houston show, but I have to think about number of eyes with checkbooks, and more of those will be in Miami than at my show in Houston. It’s a no brainer. She can take whatever she likes tomorrow (or today rather, it’s already 12:30 AM). I better git.

Ofrenda

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I am still working on this painting in the studio. Working in the studio has been a little bit of a challenge, I think because I have been without one for a couple years now and started to get used to working from home again, but the more I spend time in the new space, the more I like it. I just can’t do it in my pajamas. There is good and bad in that. It’s better for me to get out of the house or else I seem to get stuck there and never want to leave. But it’s good to have the separate space so I can leave all the distractions from home where they belong. Not having a phone or an internet connection there also helps with that. I just work straight through the hours and get more done.

This last year has been the most unproductive time I have ever had as a visual artist. I am finally starting to get back into the swing of it all, but I am still working many less hours a day as I did before my father’s death. This is due to partially being stressed out, depressed and traumatized combined with the fact that my dad was really my muse. I didn’t know that until he was gone, and since I made such peace with him before he passed, there’s really no chip on my shoulder to prove to him that I am worth something. I know I’m worth something now, I just don’t know what I’m worth or what I really want to convey in my work anymore.  So far I’ve gotten by with not thinking about it and just letting the work develop itself. That sounds odd, but I really don’t feel like I am directing a thing. Really, I guess I never did. Who makes the work is truly beyond me. I’m just pretty sure it’s not me making this stuff. I can’t defend it or explain it in most instances, so don’t bother asking.

This piece is obviously an ofrenda to my parents. An altar, if you will. It is the first thing I started when I moved into the studio and I have a hard time working on it because of what it is. Today I got a good 5 hours in, but I won’t really be back to it until Thursday. That is, unless my social plans fall through tomorrow (today). As I write this, it’s 2AM and I should really be in bed snoring. Instead, I’m here talking to you. And do you listen to a word I say? There you sit, staring at the screen — but are you really hearing the words? You shouldn’t be. They are not important. What’s important is how you walk through the fire.

ofrenda2small

(still in progress.)

Behind the Seams

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BEHIND THE SEAMS is a curatorial project in collaboration with the Highways Performance Space production of Bias Cut highlights the work of three artists whose contemporary works create a connection between social issues and the activity of sewing. Artists Saeri Cho Dobson, Curt LeMieux, Carol Es, and Lea Redmond each approach needlework from a different expressive position, though all are united in their consideration of pattern-making, embroidery, basting, darning or stitching as more than craft.  The artists will join the creators and performers from Bias Cut in a reception on Saturday, October 17th prior to the performance.

 

OCTOBER 15, 2009 (Stay and Play) 5:30PM

OCTOBER 16, 2009 7:00-8:30PM

OCTOBER 17, 2009  RECEPTION FOR THE ARTISTS  TIME:  7:00-8:30PM

 

For more information about the exhibition and tickets for the performance, go to the Highways Performance Space and Gallery’s website.