Books

Transition

Ayin EsLeave a comment

I often have dreams about places I’ve lived, studios I’ve had. They are mixed up in my head and sort of blended together, and I’m usually moving in the dream. Sometimes I am in the middle of the two places, a lot of times Michael and I are splitting up. I suppose we dream about what we fear the most. Sometimes we are just separated because someone has to stay in one of the houses while in transition. Somebody has to stay and paint the new place, spackle the holes in the old place — something like that.

Anyway, all this cleaning out the studio, and thinking about how to fit everything in some future home had me thinking I guess – had me dreaming, and worrying – about transitions.

I am getting ready for my big trip and it is going to be all about transition.  It’s actually starting to scare me a little. Sometimes when I’m scared of something, I look it up in the dictionary. Defining it usually takes the “heavy” significance out of it for me. It gives me a sense of control or something, but this time it more or less scared the shit out of me more!

tran·si·tion

[tran-zish–uh n, –sish-]
noun
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another;change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

Yup! That about sums it up! That’s what the plan is. That’s exactly what I was setting out to do.

So why would I get cold feet?

Okay, it’s not cold feet. Believe me, I am excited and I am so looking forward to it. I’m just a little scared. Mostly… curious.

I think I love that the word “passage” is in the definition. Yeah. I like it. Passage… Like I will come out of this a new artist, a new person. Hopefully, an improved one. But we’ll see. You know, that’s all about confidence? It really is. Because there’s no such thing as being a “good” artist. Not really.

In other news, I have a few pictures of how Monographie is looking. See?

They are not the greatest photos on Earth, but it’s a little peek for you. At least I’m giving you something! Jeez, stop complaining.

Here’s the front:

front

And the back. (Clever, eh?)

back

spine

spineflat2

standing
I think it’s looking pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty lovely. Don’t you think? Don’t you want one?

The inside is even better! (Horn tootin’!)

The Project

Ayin EsLeave a comment

It’s all about the project. It’s not like I’m just now realizing that, I’m just telling you. That’s what it’s always about.

meotis

I think before I was guilty about it, and now I am more accepting of it. It’s like, now it’s all okay with me. I don’t know why I used to feel guilty, for always being on a project, for always being busy, for always doing, for being ambitious. I mean, that’s who I am, and why should I apologize for it? I think it’s been because I’ve always had a couple people in my life that I know have/had been judging me about it. They wanted me to feel ashamed about it – for whatever reason, I do not know, but fuck ’em.

Today I spent the day with one of my besties, artist, Rochelle Botello. She and I can talk about art, process, and art projects until the cows come home. What does that saying mean, anyway? Why were the cows away from home, and why is it that the time it takes them to come home is supposedly really lengthy? I understand, “until the sun comes up.” That means a lot of hours, but what’s up with those cows?

Anyhow, she and I had a good day. It feels good to be able to talk to someone else that understands all the ins and outs of the life of an artist; things like naming an exhibition, or expressing narrative in the artwork both while in you’re in the process  of it, and while you’re driving down the street – kinda like texting while driving! Or even talking about where you are on your current projects. I use this blog for that a lot (obviously).

Speaking of Rochelle, and projects, we were just at a book symposium on Sunday at Otis, which was super interesting. I was also finally able to see my show there. I was blown away with how my book was displayed in the same display box with Nikki de Saint Phalle, Laura Owens, Paul McCarthy, Dieter Roth, Anat Shalev, and Carolee Schneemann! The box next to me had an amazing Kara Walker book too. Crazy. Plus, there was a beautiful Nikki de Saint Phalle accordion book out and displayed on top of one of the boxes.

otisnames

otis1 otis2

kara nikki

The symposium had a few good speakers and a poet. Most interesting was book artist, Sarah Bryant. She had a number of books in the show and spoke a lot about her process and her different projects past, present, and future, and even did a book demonstration on how to do an accordion type folio. She made me feel so much better about being a book artist in general. Everything from how much trash I made, how fussy I am, to self imposed deadlines. I’m not the only one! I felt like I was probably in a whole audience of people just like me, and the key speaker was making us all feel like we weren’t all freaks.

Her books are all very “graphic design” looking, to me anyway, but there were a few that had such lovely elements that reminded me of old-skool typography mixed with modern, abstract minimalism. It was very aesthetic and clean, but not antiseptic or anything like that. Go to her website and check out her books. They are cool. I especially love the cut-outs in this abstract book the most.

And so speaking of books, I’m still fussing with the Monographie book. Always little “problems” I run into, and things to fix, plus shit I change my mind about. Now I’m going to bore you with some of it, because, well, why not? If you get sleepy, have some cocaine.

I decided to have one color page in the front, but not full color, just spot color. It’s such a small detail to make a large change over, but I was already making some other changes at the time, like the fact that I had spelled “foreword” wrong in a couple places (I spelled it “foreward”). I had to fix that typo anyway, and a few drawings needed changing as far as what kinds of files they needed to be.

Remember I had to learn Adobe Illustrator and InDesign “real quick” before finishing this book? Well, I realized that not every file looked “good” once they were a vector image. Drawings with lots and lots of small scribbles in them don’t work as vectors. They only work as super, high resolution jpgs, like 600 DPI, otherwise, as vectors, those scribbles lose detail and wind up looking like ink splatters.

So I had to change a few of those drawings. I also had to reformat some of the text that is in there, albeit, there isn’t much. Michael‘s foreword is barely three pages, and I only wrote a few paragraphs in the back, otherwise the whole book is just drawings – more than 60 now. The entire book is 154 pages total.

And that’s the final count. It’s done. The PDF is finished, formatted and ready for the printer, and the front and back cover plates (for letterpress) are being ordered tomorrow. And I’ll be dammed if I lift another finger, other than signing and numbering them!

I used to do all my own letterpressing, but Bill will take it from here. I just need to put together a few bucks.

And speaking of a few bucks, that brings me to my Kickstarter project…

Okay, I’m tired. To be continued! Oh, I’m not done yet. I’m never done.

(All these photos were taken by Rochelle Botello.)

Okay, More

Ayin EsLeave a comment

I’m back. That only took a few days, But what cha gonna do?

So where was I? Oh yes. C, D, and E, right? That was like, what? Two weeks ago?

notthisland

Seeing my good friends, Dennis and Jean, was SO nice, I can’t even tell you. That might sound boring to you, but it’s not for me. I don’t carve time like that out for myself hardly ever. It was SO nice. They have a house in Palm Springs, and I didn’t stay there last time. I don’t usually stay at anyone’s house, unless they are like family or something, but they insisted. I took them up on it and I am so glad I did. Dennis is like, well, Dad to me in many, many ways. He is too young to be my dad, but I consider him like a father to me anyway. He’s helped me more than my own father has, mentally/emotionally that is. It was good to spend quality time with him. And Jean is probably the nicest person on the Earth. I really don’t say that flippantly either. She truly is! This woman knitted little slipper-socks for me while I was there.

Dennis is an important character in my book that I’m not supposed to talk about, which I’m not. I just want him to know, if he happens to be reading this, that if it weren’t for him, I don’t know where my head would be right now if he didn’t help me through those first couple years after I broke out of the penitentiary, so thanks. See? Read my book when it comes out and you’ll find out all about how I was on Death Row for a murder I didn’t commit!

Anyways…

I also drove out to Joshua Tree while I was there in Palm Springs, for the purpose of getting some footage for my big Kickstarter campaign – which I am going to launch very, very soon! However, when I got out to JTree (It’s about 40-45 minutes from Palm Springs), and after scouting for a location off the road that would be good enough for sound and aesthetic purposes, a bunch of problems arose.

First, I realized that I forgot the mount for my cam that goes onto the tripod. I had to do a kind of odd balancing act with the cam – and it was windy mind you (it’s the high desert after all!), and in case it fell off the base, I tied the strap to the top of the frame so it would not actually fall into the dirt. Luckily it never fell to even test my contraption.

After the first take after I did a little test to see my distance from the camera, but I got it a bit wrong. The top of my head was slightly cut off, otherwise, it was fine. A little wind noise, but, it worked anyway. I needed to do it again and back up a little. So I did, and it just felt better. I checked it for a sec and everything was good, visually. but, the more I played it, the more I listened and heard that the mic was all fucked up. It was clipping in and out, and it wasn’t because of the wind. It was because the mic was fucked up! It was broken and needed to be taken apart and fixed, and not by me. By a professional. So I was screwed. I drove out there for nothing. But it was half the reason I went out to the desert in the first place! I was so upset, I started to cry. Waaaa Waaaa waaaa.

So that was that.

The next day I was interviewed by this woman who has her own YouTube channel dedicated to art and artists. It’s kinda cool! I don’t know when she is putting it up, but you’ll be the first to know.

Okay, now we’re kinda caught up. Sorta.

I’ve been busy.

I’ve been working on that Artist book. Yes, still. I decided to make more changes, but I won’t bore you with that, because mostly, I’ve been working on my Kickstarter campaign that has to do with my Joshua Tree project that I’ve been squeaking about here and there. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?

Well, I’ve been telling you about the path, and I’ve been starting you out on the Kabbalah, and that is where it begins. It begins there with meditations on the Hebrew letters, and the Torah, and the story of Exodus, which leads me to the desert, a lot like Moses. Hence, I wind up in Joshua Tree in a house behind a mountain I’ve been referring to as “my little Mt. Sinai.”

Don’t worry, I will make sure that it will all make sense to you once you wake up. Or was that, once I wake up? Oh, dammit! I forgot now. Where was I?

Something about a path…

Just Words

Ayin EsLeave a comment

Just words today. Again. No pretty pictures. Just cerebral ramblings from a mixed up little woman child.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on a giant learning curve, all because of this book, but it’s totally worth it. These are all things I have to learn anyway. I’m learning both Adobe Illustrator, and InDesign at the same time. And these are both major programs with some difficulty involved. You can’t just learn these things overnight, but I am doing the fastest tutorials available in order to get the hang of it. That way I can at least be able to accomplish what I need to for this damn book. I have 30-day trials on both programs, so that is part of the urgency, not that it’s all that urgent really. I can always pay for a subscription for a month or two, until I get the book squared.

This damn book. This damn book alright. I know what you’re thinking. Why do I do these things if they cause me so much grief? I must like to put myself through it. I must be some sort of masochist, right?

Yes, that’s right. I do like it. I like the challenge. I revel in the fight I suppose. When I have a mind to do something, to get something done, I want to do it. I will do it. Sometimes it is easy. Paintings are easy. Sometimes books can be easy. Usually, my books are ambitious. This one is really not as ambitious as some others I have done. Not really. Although, perhaps I could have made a few original books of 60 drawings by now. Heh. But not 30 books. That I know from experience.

The truth is, I am excited about it more than I am stressed. I just love to complain. It’s in my blood.

Speaking of which, I have had the flu for over two weeks now. It acts as a smoldering fire, the embers burning inside my pajamas. It doesn’t seem to stop. I meant to go to the reception of the book show I am in, down at Otis on Saturday night, but I just didn’t feel good. The show is incredible actually. I’m showing with Ed Ruscha, Larry Bell, Kim Abeles, Chris Burden, Laura Owens, Niki de Saint Phalle, Paul McCarthy, Annie Sprinkle, Bruce Nauman, and Kara Walker! Plus so many more incredible and major book artists. Too many to name (I was just doing a little name dropping there, please forgive me).

I should also mention that my book, Today’s Quandary. got picked up by Printed Matter. Woop.

So, there is nothing more comforting than mediating in the sun. It gives me the warm fuzzies. I’m not even allowed in the sun (I’m allergic because of some medication I take), but it is so nice to feel it just a little bit in the morning. To tell the truth, it’s the closest I have ever felt to feeling like a little baby being cradled and safe in someone’s mothering arms. Whose, I’m not sure, but it sure feels nice.

After I get my fix on from that, I sit in my studio, just barely shadowed from the sun. There’s about a three foot band of chocolate brown on the pavement past the large threshold of my rubber studio floor, that is the garage. Gemma, my little dog lays on the cement just past that shadow to get a suntan. She’s always watching what I’m doing like it’s the most interesting thing on Earth.

I was going to write a whole thing about what I’m going to do when I get out into the desert, but I guess I will save that for later. I can’t wait until I get there, but I’m going to have to raise the funds to do it. I’ll have to get on the horn with that as a next project sooner than later.

 

Bad Proof, Illustrator, Joshua Tree, and Teju

Ayin Es2 Comments

Well, I very recently got back the first proof of the drawing book and it looks like shit. Not total shit, but the drawings are slightly pixelated. You know what that means? It means I have to spend the next few weeks learning Adobe Illustrator. I’ve never learned it. You’d think I’d known how to use it all this time, being a computer wiz and all, but I’ve never learned it. I’ve been using Photoshop for the last 15 years. I’m real good at that! I can tell you just about anything about Photoshop, although, I consider it to be such an incredible program, I think there is always more to learn no matter how many years you’ve been working with it.

So, I finally installed Illustrator today and I’ve been taking some basic tutorials. I have a long way to go, but what a great program that is too! I’m so stupid for avoiding it all these years. I have to learn how to make vector images.

Other than that, I’ve been chipping away at a few little paintings. Sorry I don’t have any pictures today. I’ve been bad at documenting stuff lately. I’ve been inside my head a lot, trying to think about new projects/installations I would maybe like to do during my solo show in a year or so from now.

I also maybe had the mind to apply for a residency in Joshua Tree. It’s the one that most people already know about, but I decided that it may not be a good match for me, that is, if I would actually get it. I’d first have to come up with a project that I could complete within six weeks, and within that time, come up with a workshop on my process pertaining to what it is I am doing there. Then, whatever it is I am making/doing, give something tangible to the organization that runs the residency and be ready to exhibit the results at the end of the residency. I’d have to get two letters of recommendation to apply as well. Knowing that, I would want to get my project set in stone before I hit up those special people to write those letters for me. That’s a lot of conditions that I’m not sure I like.

The thing is, the project that I would like to do for my solo show will inevitably have to do with JTree. I want it to anyway. I have been wanting to do a study out there for a long, long time now. I just need to bring it together in a way that will excite me and exist on some physical plain. It does not have to be tangible, which is great. It just has to be… that’s just it! I’m not sure what it has to be yet.

My first idea was too ambitious. It would have cost me too much money and I would have ended up with a trailer. I have no place to put a trailer! It would have been ultra cool though, and I know a trailer has been done before, but not like this. I’ll have to save that idea for the off chance I ever become some sort of art star or something. Still, I’d like to try to do the essence of the idea, which is about process. I know, it sounds boring and I probably lost you. I’ll keep working on it.

Something that is not boring is this artist that I recently discovered, Tejubehan! Over the holidays, mjp and I got a Vroman’s gift card and we went there to spend it. mjp went over to the Fiction section and I hung around the Art section. There was this book on its side sticking out in the shelf with an orange cover and intricate pen drawings all over it. “What is that!?” I said to meself.

I pulled it out and opened it up and freaked out! It was one of the most beautiful books I had ever seen in any commercial book store. In fact, it was a limited edition of 3000. Teju is an Indian, self-taught folk artist that does pen and ink work that you must see. I love her work! I am so happy I got this book for a mere $35! What a steal.

Okay, back to work and the drawing board for me.