Road Trip!

Tomorrow morning I am off to Palm Springs for the Palm Springs Fine Art Fair and I have to say, I am kinda excited. My LA gallery, George Billis, is bringing a couple of my pieces to see how they’ll do out there in the desert community. I too am curious, but trying not to be too hopeful.

I got a pretty good deal on a three star hotel, so I’m happy about that. What I’m not happy about is that I took my car into the shop this morning to get my front brake pads switched out, and they found that my master cylinder had some kind of leak in it and the whole thing needed to be replaced. So Pricey! Not only that, they didn’t have the part, so it could not be completed today. Boring story long, I have to rent some kind of little economy clown car for this trip. I hate driving a car I’m not used to, but…at least I don’t have to put the miles on my car. Trying to look on the bright side. That’s hard to do for me! My favorite CDs are in my car, plus I have the room I need for my little suitcase, my guitar, and just all my own little comforts and habits. I have nothing against economic cars, mind you. I have a 4-cylinder too, but it’s a CRV, so it has a lot of room like an SUV. I mean, what if I wanted to buy a huge painting and bring it home? Can’t do that now!

So the show I’m in, Intersecting Paths: Art and Healing, got the top pick in the most recent Jewish Journal. That’s pretty happening, don’t you think? Your name doesn’t have to be Ezra to appreciate that shit. High five me anyhow. It’s a berachah! (A blessing in any language!)

If I can figure out how to work my stupid phone, I will be tweeting from the fair, but if I can’t, I will be going back and forth to my hotel room anyway, so I will also be writing highlights on my blog and re-posting them on Google+, Twitter, and Facebook. Any good art I can take pics on will be going on Pinterest as well. I’ll do my best.

Or I’ll be a lazy son-of-a-bitch and you’ll hear nothing from me.

I’ve Been

I’ve been mental. A mental case. One foot in crazy town, the other in “everything’s fine.”

A few weeks back, I went to see my doctor. My regular doctor, not my shrink, and like every doctor visit, they weigh you and take your vitals before you actually see the doctor. Well I stepped on the scale (those scales are pretty darn accurate) and I went into a kind of shock. I was probably frozen in denial for a few hours – maybe until I got home and thought to weigh myself on my scale at home, which read about four pounds less than the scale at the doctors, but still heavier than I had ever seen that scale go. Then, from that moment forward, a dark mass began to move into me, like the worst thunder storm just before it shoots out its first bolt of lightning, only it was not cold. It was warm and comfortable. Familiar. Too familiar.

I’ve heard some people talk about depression and how they can take a walk, take vitamin D, or warts on Saint John’s nose, or whatever. They don’t know depression. I’m talking serious, wanting to die, self-cutting depression. That is foreign to them. It would be nice just to have a bad day, and when I am correctly medicated, I do. But my medication is in transition right now and it SUCKS!

Now, not only am I on an SSRI, an anti-anxiety, and an anti-psychotic, but now an antidepressant is added to the mix too. That’s not counting the light chemo, the MS and Lupus meds, and pain killers. I think it’s amazing I was able to produce this new painting last week that I actually really, really love. I call the top part, “In My Dreams, I Fall Apart” and the lower half is titled, “Dick Boat with Feet.”

inmydreamsdetail

Where I’m At

Just touching base to let you know where I am on the new Chance Press book. I have to do a total of 19 pieces for this thing, and as of now, I have 5 1/2 to go. I’m very nearly done with the page I am working on now. It’s 16 pages in all, plus a collaborative piece, a small 5″ x 5″ and one that is just pen and ink. The pages are each 7 x 10 inches and they are mostly watercolor and ink with a little bit of colored pencil on some. God, I wish I could show some of them off, but I can’t. I’ve also been working on my new website and I can’t show any of that either until it launches in full. I am really hoping that will be by January 1, 2013.

Other than that, I’ve been actually having a little bit of a difficult time with approaching a newer direction with my paintings. I say that, but maybe I’m not having a hard time at all, I just think I am. I have about four mapped out – I just always worry about the idea of running out of concepts. This is something I have always had going on, but I don’t ever run out of ideas, so I don’t know why I worry about that at all. It’s stupid is what it is.

What else is new? I have been going to art shows. I should have mentioned them right after I saw them, but I didn’t. The best one was Leigh Salgado at Coagula Curatorial. I also saw Richard Bruland‘s solo show at Lora Schlesinger, and Ed Moses at Patrick Painter. Richard’s show was beautiful. He always does wonderful work. And there were a few amazing things at the new gallery that opened in Venice at Shulamit Gallery. The space there is simply stunning. A lot of stairs though. It just keeps going up and up and up with little rooms and galleries on each floor. Very creative space. Some of the work was truly inspiring, but I don’t really know which artist did what. I was taken with the photography most of all. I saw a few other shows too, but I guess they are not worth mentioning. No offense to the artists. Oh, I did like Gary Baseman‘s show in Chinatown. It was not his paintings though. It was all his reference materials and collection of old photographs and I really enjoyed that.

I am trying to get my “Little Sister” to come to a contemporary art museum with me. I have to talk her into it because she hasn’t had the best experience with museums in the past. I want to take her to the Blues for Smoke show at MOCA. I hope to see it with her on December 2nd.

Waiting for Jordan

I have been hard at work on a new book for Chance Press. I think it’s going to be the shit, the fo’schnizzle, the bomb, and the cat’s meow. The only problem is that I can’t announce who I am doing the book with quite yet. It’s me and another artist who is actually one of my most favorite artists working today. It’s going to be a dream come true for me, but I have to tighten my lip for now about who it is. I am waiting for Jordan Hurder from Chance Press to give me a green light, as he is not announcing who it is yet either, so I’m waiting for him to broadcast it before I go letting the kitty out of the cat bag.

Not only that, I will be withholding the 16 works on paper that I am doing for the project. So why am I even saying anything at all? Because I am excited! If you’re not seeing new paintings up as soon as you’d like to, just know that I am still here working my butt off; I just can’t let you see what I’m doing exactly. Bummer, right? Not. What the hell do you care anyway? You probably have more important things to do than check out my blog, or sit and wait for new art to appear. Unfortunately, I am obsessed with making things and posting them. Come to think of it, I am just obsessed in general. If I don’t accomplish something arty every day, I feel like some kind of looser. Like today for instance. I sketched in my sketchbook, wrote about three paragraphs in my novel, and I painted the watercolor on the 5th page of the new Chance Press book, but I feel like I didn’t really do much today. I went shopping, and went to the pharmacy, and just put on a load of laundry, but I am still lacking a sense of accomplishment. I also worked on some computer bugs as well: since 1993, I have been keeping my entire mailing list in a Microsoft Works database, and it wasn’t until today that I finally imported the data into Access 2007. Welcome to the new millennium, for Christ sakes! …So that was my day.

What is wrong with me? I’ll tell you: It’s never enough! Never enough art. I don’t think I will ever feel as accomplished as I fantasize about. I am forever neurotic.

Well, it’s been a while…

It’s been weighing on me that I haven’t posted to my bloggie in quite some time. I’ve had a lot going on and just haven’t found the time to write – not even in my book. I am still about half way through the first pass, perhaps a bit more at more than 100,000 words. I think one or two more stealthy sittings will take me to the three quarter mark.

I’m not sure if I ever announced it officially, but the title is Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley. The book is about my life and there are many, many characters in it – many of whom will most likely be edited out because it’s just too many people! If you are a close friend of mine, don’t be mad if you don’t wind up in the book. Actually, be glad. I am about to make a number of enemies in publishing it.

The first year that I was writing my story, everything was fictionalized. After many consults with trusted friends that are also amazing writers, I realized that the most interesting and special part of the entire book is that it’s all true. Some may never believe it, but that just can’t matter to me anymore. It’s going to be from my perspective after all. It’s my life as I remember it and quite a few people are not going to like me outing them about this, that, or the other, but I guess I will just let the chips fall where they may.

Believe it or not, I will be losing a couple of friends because of this. Not because I want to, but because of rules and regulations that they follow according to their faith. It is the whole reason why I fictionalized it in the beginning. It’s also been very, very tough for me to make certain decisions regarding what I will and won’t disclose, which has lead to me feeling reluctant to continue. There are two particular people that I currently have in my life that no longer will be, and one family member that will most likely try to sue me.

So why publish it?

I have many reasons to formally put my story out there into the world. First of all, it’s quite a story. If you’ve ever read Push, or seen Precious, you might understand the importance of sharing such a story for the mere fact that it helps other people to overcome their circumstances. I have done it with art, and music. I am a survivor – of some pretty unbelievable situations. All the odds were stacked against me, and I am in no way a thick skinned or strong, super person. If I could survive it all, so can anybody, and that’s my main message in publishing my, what might otherwise seem self-indulgent story.

I will shut up about all that for now. I haven’t been working on the book at all really because I’ve been having more health issues! I know. Hard to even fathom at this point. What else could possibly go wrong with my health now? Well, there are many complications that arise when you have an auto-immune disorder, never mind two. MS and Lupus also seem alike, so it’s also tricky to know which one is giving me which kind of hell.

Well, this time the culprit is the Lupus. I now have welts (Panniculilis) all over my body that have been there for months. It’s been causing some (extra) pain and atrophy in my legs. It got so bad, I had to be put on immune-suppressant medications and it’s been taking me some time to tolerate some of the side effects. Like any chemo drug, it makes you feel sick to your stomach, but I think that part has finally subsided. I feel lucky about that. The dosage will eventually ramp up, so we’ll see how it all goes. I’m still an itchy, painful mess, but hopefully it will start to get better soon.

I wasn’t making much art until a couple of weeks ago. I started a watercolor on the day of my first outing with my “little sister” Alicia. We went to the Armory Center for Arts in Pasadena for a few hours and just painted while getting to know each other a bit. It was fun and opened me up a lot, so I wound up working on a few more little pieces on paper ever since…

Here is the one I started with Alicia (It still needs to be finished) “Somewhere:”

somewhere

Then I did a few during SketchFest, an on-line “get-together” that happens once a month for 48 hours. The ones on the map pages have little mini stories about them:

“Pink in the Belly”

pinkinthebellyweb

“Woofs!”

woofsweb

“Dan About Town”

danabouttownweb

Dan is a nondescript animal. No one knows if he is a dog, a cat, a horse, or two people in an animal suit. He likes to roller skate and pick flowers. And when no one is looking, he will eat cake and Ding Dongs.

“Orville”

orvilleweb

Orville is a purple octopus that lives in the South Bay. He like it there because the tides are choppy and the fish are less pretentious than the fish in the Santa Monica Bay.

“Bunny Guy”

bunnyguyweb

Bunny Guy lives near Compton. He travels around other parts of Los Angeles to explain to other residents that Compton has a bad rap and is not as dangerous as the Hollywood movies and rap music proclaims. He picks flowers along his travels. Bunny Guy also has Asperger’s Disorder.

“Cell Patterns on Pattern”

cellpatternsweb

Then, I just finished this one the other day, which I started during SketchFest:

“Summer Ride”

summerride

I think I am most happiest with Summer Ride. It turned out the way I wanted it to.

I also made this little 8 x 8 inch oil painting for my friend Tracey’s birthday:

hbtraceyweb

Sorry that last one is pretty blurry. It is because I needed to shoot it fast before I sent it off in the mail and didn’t have my good camera charged at the time, AND it was still too wet to set it down on the scanner bed. I did the best I could with what I had… Like everything!

Today is Tracey’s Birthday, so if she happens upon this long-ass blog post: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACEY!!!

Okay, enough.