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Bows and Flows of Angel Hair and Ice Cream Castles in the Air

March 4, 2013March 4, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

And feather canyons everywhere, I’ve looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done,
But clouds got in my way.

Remember when I said I thought I could get away with three coats on those panels? WRONG! But then it rained. And then I got the flu. I still have the flu. And while I had the flu, I got paranoid that it was a fatal side effect of one of the many new medications I have recently been put on. It doesn’t help that I already have anxiety, or bouts of paranoia, or that “flu-like symptoms” are listed as a warning sign as a “serious” and “sometimes fatal” condition for a drug you have been taking for a few days. And let us add to that the general anxiety of my recent career choices, and the fact that my “Little Sister” has been lost in the Riverside foster care system for the past several weeks. I probably won’t even get to see her to say goodbye to her, and I would really like NOT to be depressed before I have any business taking on a new kid to mentor, I mean, ya know?

If I wasn’t sick right now, I’d be out there finishing those panels, but then again, my gardeners come sometime today, so it would not be a good day any way. I was hoping I could get them finished because I am picking up the rest of my artwork from George Billis Gallery tomorrow, which I already know is not going to be easy. I will bring a small box of tissues, for myself at least. Tressa has to be professional. I’m the artist, so I can be a wreck.

In better news, I designed a piece of art today that I really like. I say designed because it doesn’t exactly exist yet. I drew it in my sketch book, then I scanned it in. I scanned it because I meant to play with it in Photoshop and decide on the color palette, but that never happened. While I was trying to get the drawing centered onto a square, something kind of really cool happened. I was coloring the background color, which was set on a yellowish color (like the coloring for the birch panels) and without thinking, I just started swooshing it with a large white brush. “Oops.” But then, I left it alone. And I love it. I’m pretty sure this wouldn’t have happened had I not recently read an article about provisional painting. It’s an older article in Art in America from 2009 that Ellie Blankfort introduced to me a couple months ago, and it totally inspired me.

Anyway, I would show you this image I made, but I am trying to decide if I should start hoarding my work-in-progress until they are completed, and in fact, I’ve even considered waiting until I’ve had eight matching pieces. Isn’t that mean?

Okay, okay, I’ll tell you what I will do. This is much, much better than my idea/design anyhow.

This past week I fell IN LOVE with a piece of art you should all see. It’s by local, Los Angeles artist, Valerie Wilcox. And it’s the first thing you see when you go to her site, so you immediately fall in love before you make your way all the way into the site, making her some kind of master of strategy.

This is titled, Untitled w/Orange, 2012.
Acrylic, graphite, polystyrene, paper, 26 x 21 inches.

GOD I LOVE THIS!!!!

The Paradox of Work and Work

February 24, 2013February 24, 2013Ayin Es1 Comment

What do I mean by that? Well, there is the finished work of art itself, and then there is all the work that goes into making it:

The grunt work, like prepping, priming/gessoing, or maybe stretching the canvas. Perhaps ordering the sizes you want from the canvas maker. The sanding and sealing of panels — all in which are a kind of methodical, meditative process, or a giant pain in the ass, depending on how you look at it. There is also the menial work of rounding up the supplies you will need to make what you have been thinking about, which brings us to:

The strategies and ways you go about forming ideas for paintings. This is another kind of meditation. They might come from dreams, clever anecdotes, real or fantasy scenery or persons, abstract or surreal feelings and a way to use color to get all this across. All this shit takes a massive amount of thinking and meditation. It’s similar to a book I once read called Mount Analogue: Climbing a mountain in your mind so to speak, and making it real as you go along. Sometimes it comes really easily. Sometimes it takes a boat load of preliminary drawings, mixtures of ideas on paper, sketchbooks, etc., time ticking away for a while. It’s hard to say exactly, but you can’t force it. You can only do – something else – in the interim.

Then, do I even want to start talking about the actual application of painting? It’s such a sacred, intimate and even private subject, I shouldn’t dare. Besides, I’m not painting anything right now. I’m in meditation mode. I’m drawing. I’m prepping. Over the last few days, I have been sanding and sealing six small birch panels. I am hoping I have just applied that last coat, but we’ll see in the morning.

I just got this great new Dewalt palm sander which is making my whole life easier, not that using the block sander was so much work or anything, but the Dewalt sure makes it so severely even that I just might get away with three coats of sealer rather than four or five.

Also in that picture is my new Ingento paper cutter! mjp found it for a steal on Ebay! We are quite excited about it. Makes for better book making and paper chopping!

Anyway, back to my 20 x 20 inch panels. I’ve also decided to change my sealant mixture today, which for some might seem like blasphemy! From now on, instead of a 2 to 1 mixture, I’m going half shellac and half DH alcohol. It makes for a smoother, more even application, IMHO. I like it better. If you are going to follow my advice (which you never should) seal the back first with a more shellacy mixture and the first coat of the front and sides, then add more denatured alcohol as you go along with each coat with a light, even sanding between each coat. You should be able to get away with four coats that way.

Here’s the other two:

Like I said, I’ve been drawing a lot. Lately it has been my most honest work. That and my very last oil painting. The pink one. This one:

I did a little experiment and went through 100 paintings of mine – that I actually liked – and wrote down WHAT I liked about them. There were many repeating elements and I was left with a list of 21 things. I was then able to turn the 21 into 10 (just by wording it differently) and I am pinning it up in my studio to use as a jumping off point. In fact, I should title it SPRINGBOARD! So I think I am just clearing and cleaning up my spiritual clutter (I can’t believe I just used that wording) so I can begin some intense study and focus on my work. I’ve had a LOT that has been holding me back.

Mentally, I have been a mess. Some of my medications have ceased to offer me emotional benefits and I am in the middle of changing quite a few of them at the same time. It has been rough. This comes at the tail end of a bunch of drama with my best friend. 34 years of trust and a kind of amazing strength just broken, shattered into little shards of glass that slice me open at the slightest, unwitting movements I made. I had to make a decision to stop getting so unbelievably HURT, so I took myself out of that picture. And then, this week, I decided to leave my eight year relationship with the George Billis Gallery – I mean, without drama or burning any bridges. He gave me a lot of opportunity and I will always appreciate that, but I just left. And now I am on my own.

Now, I just want to see what my art begins to look like out here in no-man’s land. Should be interesting to get to know myself again.

First Day in Palm Springies

February 16, 2013February 17, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

I arrived pretty late here yesterday, probably a little after 1:00pm, and I had to wait for my room. I got an early check in, but the room was still not quite ready, so I waited in my little, rented white Fiat and texted a few people I needed to for about an hour until it was ready. I knew by the time I got all my stuff into the room and changed my clothes, I’d be too late for Peter Frank’s guided tour, so I skipped that and decided to meet a couple of guys from Stark + Kent, a cool little gallery here I found on Facebook. We have been emailing back and forth for close to a year now. They were very nice, and they also had a beautiful German Shepard named Madelyn. Most of the work in the gallery was of high quality. yet the pricing was reasonable. Two of the artists were very similar in medium and subject matter – male and a female – only the female’s were more subdued and the male’s (I only remember his first name – Arturo) was of more brilliant colors. I could not decide whose I loved more, but they competed against each other and I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing.

The other thing was, they had told me they were not taking on any more artists until the spring, and I noticed a new artists that used garment patterns in her work – much more salable I have to say, so I fully understood. What can ya do?

So then I went to the fair at the convention center, which is magnificent by the way, a beautiful building. I actually tried to take a picture of the amazing entrance, but my stupid, fat fingers got in the way. I am really bad at taking pictures in general, I’ll have you know. On trips, during those great moments in life, of my dog, especially when she does cute things… I’m just not that person. I never care enough to break out my phone or camera in those moments, especially when I see everyone else doing it. Then I really get annoyed.

But I managed to take one pic yesterday of my friend Kelley Reemtsen‘s work at Skidmore Contemporary‘s booth. No one was around. It was convenient, so I did it. These are pastels.

Then this morning at breakfast with Tressa Williams, the Director of my gallery, George Billis, I took a picture of some mountains over a parking lot.

But the best picture I’d like to introduce you to is the TV that is in my motel room, circa 1981. It’s a Zenith, and it works about as good as it looks.

Road Trip!

February 14, 2013February 14, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

Tomorrow morning I am off to Palm Springs for the Palm Springs Fine Art Fair and I have to say, I am kinda excited. My LA gallery, George Billis, is bringing a couple of my pieces to see how they’ll do out there in the desert community. I too am curious, but trying not to be too hopeful.

I got a pretty good deal on a three star hotel, so I’m happy about that. What I’m not happy about is that I took my car into the shop this morning to get my front brake pads switched out, and they found that my master cylinder had some kind of leak in it and the whole thing needed to be replaced. So Pricey! Not only that, they didn’t have the part, so it could not be completed today. Boring story long, I have to rent some kind of little economy clown car for this trip. I hate driving a car I’m not used to, but…at least I don’t have to put the miles on my car. Trying to look on the bright side. That’s hard to do for me! My favorite CDs are in my car, plus I have the room I need for my little suitcase, my guitar, and just all my own little comforts and habits. I have nothing against economic cars, mind you. I have a 4-cylinder too, but it’s a CRV, so it has a lot of room like an SUV. I mean, what if I wanted to buy a huge painting and bring it home? Can’t do that now!

So the show I’m in, Intersecting Paths: Art and Healing, got the top pick in the most recent Jewish Journal. That’s pretty happening, don’t you think? Your name doesn’t have to be Ezra to appreciate that shit. High five me anyhow. It’s a berachah! (A blessing in any language!)

If I can figure out how to work my stupid phone, I will be tweeting from the fair, but if I can’t, I will be going back and forth to my hotel room anyway, so I will also be writing highlights on my blog and re-posting them on Google+, Twitter, and Facebook. Any good art I can take pics on will be going on Pinterest as well. I’ll do my best.

Or I’ll be a lazy son-of-a-bitch and you’ll hear nothing from me.

We’re Jammin’

February 10, 2013February 10, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

Captain’s Log, 9 February, 2013:

I jammed again today with my brother, Mike, and Jason. I’ve been sick so I was kinda in slow motion, but it was still fun. “Fun” is something I am still trying to find because I lost that part of playing the drums a long, long time ago. Playing stopped being fun about four years before I stopped playing. Then I totally stopped for 15 years, sans one gig I did with Falcon Eddy at the Pasadena Armory in 2007 that nearly killed me. I was exhausted after playing two sets of five songs (punk rock songs), I was so embarrassed. Then I figured I wouldn’t be able to find anyone who just wanted to play for fun. “Fun” had been replaced by “goals” for me, and I just didn’t want that anymore. So I’m finding that I’m getting little pieces of fun back, a fragment at a time.

The next two songs on our agenda are Back in Black by AC/DC and Led Zeppelin’s What Is And What Should Never Be.

What came before…

So…I’ve been “jamming” with my brother and our friend from childhood, Jason Mendiuk, in my bro’s garage in Burbank, and it’s been fun so far. I haven’t played in many, many years, so it’s been quite a trip – to say the least. I’m not even playing on my own set, which is something I have always been very picky about, but Mike, my brother, has a pretty damn good Tama set with a good sounding snare – and much to my surprise, his seat goes low enough. Most drum thrones do not go low enough for me. I practically sit on the floor, along with having the snare drum in my lap. I’ve been extremely picky, but It all worked out! Just a few adjustments and viola!

Now we have been doing homework of learning a few songs so we don’t sound as awful as we sounded the first time. Zeppelin’s “The Ocean” – and you’d think I’d know that one. It was the first song I ever learned on the drums, Steely Dan’s “Peg” and “Josie” and for some stupid reason, “Ziggy Stardust.” This was Jason’s idea. Not only do I not like the song, I don’t think it is possible for me to play, especially as an old geezer.

My brother and Jason are both three years older than I am. I think we have known Jason since 1977 because that was the year we came back to North Hollywood after a year or so in Pennsylvania. We lived in an apartment complex called The Cedars and Jason lived across the way from us. They both already played guitar, so they were instant friends. He was always around, so he’s really a lot like family.

That’s his Tele on the right, Mike’s boutique amp on the left, with all his fancy pedals. 🙂

Had I brought my own set, it would had looked a little something like this. It’s a custom Pork Pie set made by Bill Detemore and one assistant (Byron McMackin – the drummer for Pennywise) in his garage amongst his first 100 sets and before he was a bigger company. It’s hand numbered on the inside of the bass drum and it states that it was custom made for “Carol Es.” I also have a Zildjian ride from the 1970s (a 22 inch) that I acquired in a way that is a story in itself. You’d have to read my book to get that part of the story. It was back when I didn’t do the most legal things. The rest of my cymbals are Paiste, back when I had an endorsement with them. Those hi-hats are the black Terry Bozzio ones, but I still have my 1970s hi-hats I got when I got my ride, and I still play with an old Camco bass drum pedal. It’s really no different than those old DW pedals. They are hard to work and that’s why I like em.

I was buying snare drums from Bill Detemore for a couple of years before he had the idea to make my set, and I loved his idea. I was originally playing on a Gretsch, five-piece set. Very standard. 22, 14, 12, 14, 16. It was the kit I had saved up for and had wanted for years after being obsessed with this jazz drummer (whose name escapes me) that seemed to be playing almost every gig at the Baked Potato on Cahuenga Blvd. in Universal City. He was playing with great musicians like Steve Lukather, Larry Carlton, Steve Vai, Michael Laundau, or anyone who happen to show up and sit in with whoever was playing that night. Major guys would regularly come into that club and just jam, and this frequently happened at another club around the block called Dante’s. So, I wanted a drumset like that guy’s.

Then Bill approached me after a show of mine when I was in the Extinct. We were playing at the Roxy and it was a particularly good show. Packed house, and I knew Bill was there and I really wanted some kind of endorsement from him, even if it was 20% off. By the time I got off the stage, he was so excited. He knew the sizes and the colors, and I loved it! An 18″ kick. Piccolo snare. One 8″ tom, and a 14″ floor. All would be different colors: green, blue, orange, and the rims of the bass drum would tie the different colors together. The finish would still show the grain of the maple wood underneath. I LOVED this idea. The smaller drums would cut through the sound better, I would look like the right size behind the drums, and I would simplify, because I was a pocket drummer. I wasn’t all about fancy fills and such. So I love my Pork Pie drums. I will never sell them. It was so perfect for me and I got a great endorsement!

But I sold those beautiful Gretsch drums to Chris Frazier who, at the time, was playing for Steve Vai. And no, I was not anorexic in the above photo, I was just too skinny and couldn’t afford a hamburger.