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Ofrenda

Ayin EsLeave a comment

I am still working on this painting in the studio. Working in the studio has been a little bit of a challenge, I think because I have been without one for a couple years now and started to get used to working from home again, but the more I spend time in the new space, the more I like it. I just can’t do it in my pajamas. There is good and bad in that. It’s better for me to get out of the house or else I seem to get stuck there and never want to leave. But it’s good to have the separate space so I can leave all the distractions from home where they belong. Not having a phone or an internet connection there also helps with that. I just work straight through the hours and get more done.

This last year has been the most unproductive time I have ever had as a visual artist. I am finally starting to get back into the swing of it all, but I am still working many less hours a day as I did before my father’s death. This is due to partially being stressed out, depressed and traumatized combined with the fact that my dad was really my muse. I didn’t know that until he was gone, and since I made such peace with him before he passed, there’s really no chip on my shoulder to prove to him that I am worth something. I know I’m worth something now, I just don’t know what I’m worth or what I really want to convey in my work anymore.  So far I’ve gotten by with not thinking about it and just letting the work develop itself. That sounds odd, but I really don’t feel like I am directing a thing. Really, I guess I never did. Who makes the work is truly beyond me. I’m just pretty sure it’s not me making this stuff. I can’t defend it or explain it in most instances, so don’t bother asking.

This piece is obviously an ofrenda to my parents. An altar, if you will. It is the first thing I started when I moved into the studio and I have a hard time working on it because of what it is. Today I got a good 5 hours in, but I won’t really be back to it until Thursday. That is, unless my social plans fall through tomorrow (today). As I write this, it’s 2AM and I should really be in bed snoring. Instead, I’m here talking to you. And do you listen to a word I say? There you sit, staring at the screen — but are you really hearing the words? You shouldn’t be. They are not important. What’s important is how you walk through the fire.

ofrenda2small

(still in progress.)

Behind the Seams

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BEHIND THE SEAMS is a curatorial project in collaboration with the Highways Performance Space production of Bias Cut highlights the work of three artists whose contemporary works create a connection between social issues and the activity of sewing. Artists Saeri Cho Dobson, Curt LeMieux, Carol Es, and Lea Redmond each approach needlework from a different expressive position, though all are united in their consideration of pattern-making, embroidery, basting, darning or stitching as more than craft.  The artists will join the creators and performers from Bias Cut in a reception on Saturday, October 17th prior to the performance.

 

OCTOBER 15, 2009 (Stay and Play) 5:30PM

OCTOBER 16, 2009 7:00-8:30PM

OCTOBER 17, 2009  RECEPTION FOR THE ARTISTS  TIME:  7:00-8:30PM

 

For more information about the exhibition and tickets for the performance, go to the Highways Performance Space and Gallery’s website.

 

Tonight!

Ayin Es1 Comment

Getting ready for tonight’s Open Studio at Moppet, which starts at 7PM – and no earlier mind you! 🙂 I don’t have too many confirmed Facebook friends coming this time, but that’s okay considering I am going to be doing this every month or so. It’s the all-day Discovery Tour that is going to be the BIG one, so I hope that brings a big turnout in November. In the meantime, I am not promoting the Second Saturday open studio every month as much as I probably should. I put out a few veggies, cookies and water and haven’t been serving out the wine – which just makes people not want to stay very long. I know art is better with wine, but I just cannot afford to get you all drunk once a month. Myself being plastered is another story all together though.

 

If you came last time, don’t bother coming again because I haven’t done much to the painting that was sitting on the easel. I was sick for a month and so have been working on the one at home, which is coming along. Here it is today (below), and it’s nearly done with the oil painting part. Once it’s dry, it’s embroidery time, which is the most fun.

 

 

I got invited into a show next month at Highways Performance Space and Gallery by curator Jane Brucker, an artist and professor of Art and Art History at Loyola Marymount University. It is to accompany a performance called Bias Cut held on October 16 & 17. The exhibition portion, Behind the Seams, will open the day before and will also feature Curt LeMieux, Lea Redmond and Browne Molyneaux.

Running around, getting sick & inspired

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I’ve been sicker than a dog these last 2 weeks, and the doctor said to expect a couple more. I am wiped out completely/completely wiped out. Having my Open Studio the other week was hard to get through because that was probably the first day or so I got this virus from Hell. I wish I could say I am feel much better since then; I am way less congested, but all I want to do is sleep like a bear. Oh, but if only I was a bear. Bears are not neurotic.

 

For the past week, I’ve tried to spend as much time making art as I have had the energy for, which really isn’t much. I stand for a while, get dizzy, get tired, and have to lay down and sleep. I have 2 of the same size pieces going at both my home studio and at Moppet – 36” x 36” – both very different. One is a continuation from Contender, and yet as always. I am trying to allow the influence of what inspires me flow into the work without stunting it. It’s the freedom of Amy Sillman, the innovation of newer discoveries too. I’ve been most focused on local artist, Mary Addison Hackett, NY artist, David Humphrey, and a Japanese/British artist: Peter McDonald. Looking at their work lately has given me a lot of inspiration to create with abandon and remind myself that I really have nothing else.

 

The painting I have on my new easel at Moppet is a sort of an Ofrenda for both my parents. I have been sorting out a lot of flowers along the top, while adding a lot of things they both loved to eat around the bottom, which is based ontop of a make-shift cloudy heavenly sort of upsidedown sprially dripy plaine. So far there are things in there like a bowling trophy, bowling pin, Doritos bag, Yocco’s Hot Dog guy, Tommy’s burger logo, Ding Dongs, Sunkist orange soda, Dolle’s Saltwater Taffy… I know it still needs some Jiffy Pop. I may put in some sugar skulls for effect, but I’m not sure.It’s still gotta be mine.

 

This weekend marked the 1 year anniversary of my father’s death. I spent Sunday at Forest Lawn Cemetery.My mom’s brand new tablet was in place and that was very very hard to see. I laid on the grass between the two of them, like when I was a little kid, curling up between them in bed when I was scared, and just slept in the sun between them, crying and asking if they knew I was there or if they knew how much I missed them. It doesn’t feel like I am moving past this situation at all whatsoever.

 

Back to painting today. I am going to work on the one at home and try to go somewhere new. I’m going to try not to be afraid and remember to allow myself permission to experiment and trust my gut. Funny I have to tell myself the very same things every time after decades of painting, eh?

 

 

In progress (at home).