Buckle Down

Ayin Es2 Comments

Just buckling down, finishing up work, shipping them out and working on a few pieces at once. I finished up those few I had posted about earlier and they are on my site here – some of them on their way to Houston for my show that opens on the 5th, while some are on their way to Miami for the Red Dot Fair, and even more are packed up now, waiting to be shipped out to Latrobe, PA for a show at Saint Vincent College. Lots going on, so that’s good. I started a new one called, “I Waited for You,” but this is a really bad cell phone camera shot of it:

It’s a 36-inch square, oil, paper and linen on canvas and it still needs lots more paint and embroidery, but the basic composition is there. I’m also working on a tiny piece of my dad on a cell phone, a medium/small panel with some Hebrew on it, and considering doing some garment sculptures, but am going to need a sewing machine for it. It’s going to be very different for me and quite unsaleable, so it’s a bit of an unnerving idea. There’s also this animation idea I’d like to try. It’s super simple, but I think I need to to it. …Could be the drugs talking though. I don’t know.

Something big that I started completely sober is my book. Not an Artists’ book. A creative, autobiographical piece of genuine non-fictional, soon-to-be- novel-sized book.

I also put Horsebucket on super sale for 80 bucks until January 1st, so swoop in on the rest of them while they last.

I saw The Family Stone today, not a bad movie. I was intrigued with the family dynamics. I also saw Hard Core Logo the other night and it was also not too bad. Interesting, but expected more. Still, had I not expected anything, I would have wound up liking it more.

OH! Speaking of REAL writing. Real good writing that is, You MUST see my boyfriend’s new book page and READ THE DESCRIPTIONS of the books. They are absolutely hysterical! And I must say he is not really exaggerating much at all because you can see from his descriptions that he’s a damn talented writer and funny person. Buying one of his books ain’t no shabby, bad idear either. You’ll find out in a short amount of time why I fell in love with him.

Another Long One

Ayin Es4 Comments

OMG. I’m having a hell of a time right now. Today is the first official day I will not be smoking anymore. I picked up the bad habit again about a year ago when my dad was dying. I have been able to quit for months at a time since then, but then another highly stressful situation would rear its ugly head, and I’d be right back, suckin’ em down again. I’ve given myself a break here and there with the illness and death of my folks, fights with my brother, depression over all of it, but then I was able to quit in August. I quit for a whole month! Why did I go back after I was over the worst part of withdraw and well on my way to a healthier future? I do not know! That’s when I noticed all the excuses coming in that were not nearly as justifiable as high stress situations. “I’m not quite ready to quit yet.” Or “I love smoking!” “It gets me to spend more time outdoors.” “It fits my personality better than not smoking.” “It helps me relax.” “It’s better than being addicted to heroin!”

The excuse list has just been really lame, so I set a quit date for November 20th. I know today is only the 19th, but I ran out of cigarettes yesterday at 3PM. Now I could buy a last pack today, and maybe even smoke them all so I feel like such shit, tomorrow will be easy. Believe me, I’m thinking about it, but I should probably just get a head start on this shit now.

Okay, enough about the Cancer sticks. What has been going on? If I wrote in this blog more often, you’d be able to keep up without having to read all this bullshit. But the truth is that I’ve been busy. I finished up those paintings I last posted. And I prepared my shipment for my Houston show at Koelsch Gallery. It went out yesterday. (The show opens on December 5th.)  It’s called “Float Without Moving.”

And I’ve been getting my studio (Moppet) all cleaned and prepared for the big Open Studios I’m having this Sunday!  Are you coming? Because I think I am so confused and out of mind mind from nicotine withdraw that I’ve cut my prices for that day to redonkulous amounts. Good thing this sale will only be one day because it felt like I was being stabbed when I priced some of this stuff. But, I’ll heal. I am determined to do anything to get you to own some art work. (Do I sound like a car salesman yet?)

It’s all day Sunday, November 22, 2009 from 9:30 AM to 5:00 PM!

I realize that a lot of other people on the Discover Tour are going to have very inexpensive art items that are very friendly and helpful for the holidays. Even with my prices cut, I am probably still not going to be in their range, but there are a ton of drawings of mine you can buy for 50 bucks, and plenty more under $300. Even a few paintings are as low as $650.  I may even bring in a few more significant ones and mark them under 1000. Maybe I’ll be nuts enough to trade for a drag off your cigarette! Nah, hopefully by Sunday, I won’t be as crabby as I am going to be today through Saturday.

In some unrelated news, I wanted to help promote my other half’s new special edition book, published by Chance Press in Oakland, Ca. It is a little hand-sewn chapbook about his first guitar entitled, “No. 2236 Flying Wedge.” If you are not familiar with MJP’s (AKA Michael Phillips) writing, this would be a good chance to get introduced to his style. Very few writers know how to write with a distinct personality intact and make it breezy to read – like it is reading itself. It takes a very special talent to do that. Bukowski had it, John Fante had it, and without being bias, Phillips has it in spades. He’s been hard at work on his novel for the last year and I am just sitting on my hands with excitement, waiting until I get to read the first draft – which is just around the corner. In the meantime, he bangs out little stories like “No 2236 Flying Wedge,” paints little sketches on the special parts of the edition in a day, and it’s whipped together faster than you can say to yourself, “I wonder if I should put out a little book.”

The Terribles

Ayin Es3 Comments

I’ve been working on “terrible” paintings lately. I am doing this because I feel I’ve had such fear of making a bad painting, that I over-think my approach. This idea has really been helping me to get back into the swing of things again.I have quite a few pieces in progress and only a couple so far really are terrible.

I got this notion after speaking with a good friend of mine, Robin Cracknell. Robin is an amazing fine art photographer in London. His works are compelling with deep-rooted issues around giving a voice to children that have perhaps not been taken seriously, believed, or otherwise ignored. It speaks volumes, to me especially. His work just continues to resonate with me. And having this inspiring conversation with him has brought new light to my process in making my own work. I don’t know how to thank him, but I hope this new energy lasts a good long while. I’ve needed it.

So here are a few works that are still in progress:

thedealip

This one is called The Deal and the painting on it is done. Now it needs to be embroidered all over. A time consuming task.

This next one, Ofrenda, I’ve been working on since I moved into my studio and I would say that the painting bits are very close to done. Then I’ll have to wait for it to dry and start on the embroidery.

ofrenda3aip

Now this one is a complete piece of crap that I still don’t know what to do with:

shit

It seems pretty unfinished, but you get the basic gist of what it is mostly looking like.

The following is finished, but it’s, well, I have no idea about it. But it’s called, Have a Beer.

haveabeer

What the hell do you make of it? Actually, nevermind. No comments from the audience, please. I need to make my own decisions, and that’s something that is not so easy for me to do, but I’m learning and getting a bit better at it. I am good at making instinctual decisions, just not conscious ones!

I’m also working on this big square the has a giant red circle on it. I know what I want to do with it, it’s just a little weird. Trying to be weird and allowing yourself to be weird are two very different things, mind you. Giving yourself permission to be free is one thing. Attempting, and trying, to be odd and original does not work. It’s all about listening to your true voice. This is genuine. Letting all the crap from the art world, commercialism, galleries, critics, and other people enter your mind is just suicide. This kind of focus is not easy. “How does this work with my other paintings” is another fucked up thought that tries to sabotage me in my studio. You have to stop thinking in terms of shows, series, bodies of work to really start making art that is true to yourself, and all these tasks are not as easy as one would think because we all want to be loved and we all want success. I guess it’s just a matter of redefining what success is — all the while living in a society that clearly dictates which achievements are successful. Fucken society! Who needs em?

Okay, in other news, artist Jeremy Quinn has featured his studio visit at Moppet on his blog. What a nice treat!

Happy Halloween everybody!

I was going to ramble on about something else, but now I forget, so bye.

Fear-facing

Ayin Es5 Comments

Okay, so for the last few days I’ve been painting in the studio, totally skipping out on my computer. I wake up, have my coffee, do a very quick check for important emails, put on my jeans and a t-shirt and run out the door before I get caught up in something that will inevitably distract me from getting my ass in gear. It’s been good – I am working on I-don’t-know-what-the-fuck/fear-facing stuff, mainly a 36 x 48 inch canvas that is not too terrible.

When I come home, I eat and have been working on my City of LA Individual Artist Grant Application – a very hard grant to win, but I try every year nonetheless. I am a little worried about my all-too-honest project narrative this time though. I blatantly state I will be working on a body of terrible art. Hahaha! But I do explain it so it’s not just left at that. Every day I have been trying to recommit myself to making terrible work so that I can just bust through my little inner rut/boredom/depression about my art. And it’s working.

Yesterday, I had a very wonderful visitor come to my studio: Hendrik Stooker, the co-founder of the Arroyo Arts Collective and retired, senior curator at the Occidental College Art Gallery. It was the first time I have met him in person, and truly loved him right off the bat. I am sort of glad when he left though because I really could have talked to him all night long. He was also very encouraging and full of ideas about how I can sell more art, but I fear I disappointed him with my pessimism and general disinterest in selling anything. For the Discovery Tour however, I do plan on putting out my least expensive work, like small paintings and drawings. I’ll tack them all over the place for November 22nd like it’s some kind of last-chance bake sale. Honestly though, I think people on the tour will be looking for art on the cheap and I am probably not their greatest bet. But I am going to make my best effort and put out as much work under $400 as possible. I will even slash my prices on my books and a few other tidbits. Whatever it takes to help make the day successful.

Last 2nd Saturday went well. No sales of course, but a ton of people came through. All my cookies and veggies were gone before 8:00, and all my bottled water went to the bike-riding looky-loos. I will be skipping next month’s 2nd Saturday NELA artwalk so that I may focus all my prep and promotion to the Discover Tour.

Tomorrow I have a studio visit from my gallery director, Tressa Williams. She started at George Billis LA not too long ago and I will be meeting her in person for the first time as well. She is picking art for the Miami fair and I’m really nervous about not having any – or having to “sacrifice” some pieces set aside for my Houston show, but I have to think about number of eyes with checkbooks, and more of those will be in Miami than at my show in Houston. It’s a no brainer. She can take whatever she likes tomorrow (or today rather, it’s already 12:30 AM). I better git.

Ofrenda

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I am still working on this painting in the studio. Working in the studio has been a little bit of a challenge, I think because I have been without one for a couple years now and started to get used to working from home again, but the more I spend time in the new space, the more I like it. I just can’t do it in my pajamas. There is good and bad in that. It’s better for me to get out of the house or else I seem to get stuck there and never want to leave. But it’s good to have the separate space so I can leave all the distractions from home where they belong. Not having a phone or an internet connection there also helps with that. I just work straight through the hours and get more done.

This last year has been the most unproductive time I have ever had as a visual artist. I am finally starting to get back into the swing of it all, but I am still working many less hours a day as I did before my father’s death. This is due to partially being stressed out, depressed and traumatized combined with the fact that my dad was really my muse. I didn’t know that until he was gone, and since I made such peace with him before he passed, there’s really no chip on my shoulder to prove to him that I am worth something. I know I’m worth something now, I just don’t know what I’m worth or what I really want to convey in my work anymore.  So far I’ve gotten by with not thinking about it and just letting the work develop itself. That sounds odd, but I really don’t feel like I am directing a thing. Really, I guess I never did. Who makes the work is truly beyond me. I’m just pretty sure it’s not me making this stuff. I can’t defend it or explain it in most instances, so don’t bother asking.

This piece is obviously an ofrenda to my parents. An altar, if you will. It is the first thing I started when I moved into the studio and I have a hard time working on it because of what it is. Today I got a good 5 hours in, but I won’t really be back to it until Thursday. That is, unless my social plans fall through tomorrow (today). As I write this, it’s 2AM and I should really be in bed snoring. Instead, I’m here talking to you. And do you listen to a word I say? There you sit, staring at the screen — but are you really hearing the words? You shouldn’t be. They are not important. What’s important is how you walk through the fire.

ofrenda2small

(still in progress.)