Painting and Quitting

I’m thinking about interviewing some of my artist friends about their art process and posting them here. 

I know a lot of artists, so why not? Getting them to answer questions might be a whole other story though. All I can do is ask them, so I’ll start fishing around.

In the meantime, I got back to work on my Bat, Cat, Cake, Snake painting, adding the gold and green bits. 

I had to make some stuff in watercolors first, holiday gifts they were. I’d post them, but then that would ruin the surprise, so I can’t. So now I’ll move onto the reds in the oil painting and go from there. 

I have an appointment with my probable surgeon on the 29th to talk to him about the incision situation. If all goes well, I feel I can be set with him, stop looking around for someone else, and maybe even get a surgery date set up for March. Hopefully. We’ll see.

My diet has kind of come to a slight halt. I’m disappointed. I’m disappointed in myself. I have to lose at least five pounds a month, and I’ve lost only two in the last six weeks. After I was sick, I gained back all those pounds I lost. Once I got my appetite back, it was difficult to stay on a strict diet. I went from 1200-1300 calories a day to around 1600, and I can’t do that without gaining or staying put. Oh well. I’m trying to be better, but Hannah bought a bunch of Jelly Bellies, and they sit in a bowl on the coffee table. 

I did quit smoking for three weeks about a week ago. Then I caved. I bought a couple of packs and went back like a fool. However, I quit again yesterday. Now I have to start all over again. For me, withdraw usually lasts a good two weeks. From there, it’s all mental. 

Around the fourth or fifth day of not smoking, I freak the fuck out. The cravings build, and those days are the worst. When I get past that hump, it gets a bit easier, and after the second week, I can handle it much better. But for now, I’m in a bad mood. I’d like to sleep it all off if that’s possible. That, or stay busy. I’ll probably switch between the two. 

Full disclosure, I’ve given up a lot of things. You pretty much name it, I’ve had to quit it. I’ve either been addicted or dependent on certain vices (there’s a difference). Either way, trying to quit those things were extremely difficult and massively uncomfortable–some more than others. It depended on various factors: motivation, fear, health, being tired of it, legality.  

Of all the things I’ve ever had to give up, smoking, by far, is the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to conquer. I’ve not smoked for over ten years before–from age 30 to 40. I’ve quit for three years, two years, eight months, several weeks, and days, etc. I’m really good at quitting.  

This time, I have to leave it for good. I have no other choice.

Yes, I know it’s an awful habit. It’s gross. It stinks. It’s bad for my health. It casues all types of cancer. It will kill me. I can’t breathe. I can’t walk. All of that. I’m well aware. But I still don’t want to quit–because I’m absolutely addicted. My brain says, “I don’t want to stop.” Who wants to stop anything when they’re addicted? Nobody. 

But I have 24 hours behind me. I have to keep on keeping on. Good luck to me.

2 thoughts on “Painting and Quitting

  1. lindacbugg December 27, 2020 / 11:58 pm

    I quit for a year (the 1st time) easy peasy, no withdrawal, no issues, but the 2nd time it was stop & go for a year (& I was constantly sneaking butts from the front porch)
    When David got his COPD diagnosis it was still hard to quit, though I cut back to less than 1/2 a pack. When he died only a month after being in the ICU for the 2nd time & after coming home with oxygen it just felt stupid to still be smoking after watching him die from them. I still get horrible cravings though.

  2. Carol Es December 28, 2020 / 8:28 am

    Yes, that must have been really difficult. I even quit for a year after I was in the hospital with a near-death pneumonia. I was so stupid to go back. This time I have to before my surgery. I’m on my last pack ever (again) now.

    I still really miss David. I know you do too. It’s been just awful not being able to speak to him through email and have that special friend that understands me inside out. So goddamn sad.

    Email me. I have to tell you something.

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