Every second that goes by is beginning to freak me out. First a little, and then a lot.
It’s enough for me to pop a pill at times – when the anxiety gets to be so bad. It builds and builds into a full-blown panic attack. Then I can’t take it anymore. Medication is the only relief.
These seconds are part of the minutes in the hours that I must spend on the artwork for my show. Because days turn into weeks, and I only have four of those in each month. And if a 16 x 20 inch canvas is taking me almost an entire month to complete, how realistic is it to have enough work for a solo show in six?
Six months to create 22 pieces (albeit that many are very small) plus a film installation? I feel like I just got my feet wet with which direction I am going. Unfortunately, it took me almost four months to get into the groove. And that’s exactly how many more months I comfortably need now.
So now what?
I have not worked at all over the weekend or this week. I’ve been cleaning my studio and my house because I have an important studio visit happening with the Fowler Museum‘s curator. I don’t think I’ve cleaned that studio in over a year because it was seriously dirty. It’s always straightened, but dusted? Hardly. I do a light dusting here and there, but a deep cleaning happens pretty rarely.
I spent most of yesterday looking for four paintings that I thought had gone missing! Finally I remembered that they were in Houston at Koelsch. I’m supposed to mark their locations in my database (that’s what it’s for!) but I forgot. So nearly a day wasted. Hours, minutes and seconds.
The last I worked on this one, I hadn’t progressed all that much further, but I am realizing that bringing the canvas off the easel at times and attacking it flat is helpful. I can render the entire section at once and not have to go back to it.
Although I will come back to it a little, but not as often as I would, had it been on the easel. Hard to explain, but it’s working for me. I think if I didn’t have take this week off, I could have completed this one in three weeks. But I hope to get back to it as soon as possible.
As for as this horrible time constraint, I am going to talk to Shula at the gallery about changing my time slot.