I know it might seem like it, but I’m really not feeling all that much better. Way back when Dan came to me, I was pretty down and out and he seemed to bring me out of feeling like crap, so you’d think that this guy would do me the same service. This is Mars and he came out of my pencil recently.
I’ve been back at work on my book, even though I said I was going to take a break. It seems I can’t do that. But I’m really working on it casually. I don’t know, maybe I’m not. I mean, I’m working on it slower, but I’m probably just as obsessed with it as ever. I’m very near to being done you know, and now here is where all the doubt is starting to set in. I’ve been working on this thing for so long and feel like I’m just writing into a void. I told this to mjp and he said, or reminded me, that that’s what writing is.
What’s silly is I thought I could comb through this version of the book and insert lighter, funnier lines throughout, and that’s not such an easy task after all. A lot of it is sarcastic, yes – the way I normally write – but a lot of shit in this thing is seriously personal and it hasn’t been easy to be the clown I thought I could be. Oh well, right?
Speaking of writing, there’s been a thread going on the WetCanvas forum where many of the members have been bashing the hell out of Bukowski. “Hatred…it’s the only thing that lasts.” Right? Well, I’ve posted a little bit on that thread myself, but I need to just let it go now, because, for one thing, one of the number one things I love about Bukowski is that he didn’t give a shit. And I admire that. He kept on plowing through no matter what and he did not care that what he was doing was entirely new and different at the time. And he did not care that he probably would never make a dime – contrary to what some people on that thread believe, as if he was doing it for fame and fortune. Ha! That’s so the opposite of all things Bukowski.
I don’t know what it is, but some people just don’t appreciate suffering and pain. Ha ha! Jeez, what is wrong with them?
I know, I need to get my head checked. I need a lobotomy so I start liking unicorns and rainbows like everyone else.
Anyway, I’ve additionally been casually working on this painting and it’s practically finished now.
And here it is now:
I think all I’m going to do now is re blend the sky – give it another glazed layer, and call it a day.
In fact, I should probably call it a day as far as this blog post is concerned. I started it with my drawing of Mars the day before yesterday and never posted it – until now.