OMFG

Okay, I am awake now, TOTALLY inspired! I was just reading Fette’s blog and saw a beautiful (IMHO) drawing/painting by Eden Veaudry. So I looked up the artist’s website to see if there were more beautiful works, and sure enough: WOW!!!

This is the kind of shit that motivates me to really paint, I mean really paint. It gives me permission (no idea why I need it) to be myself in my work. To create without boundaries, to trust myself, trust my hand, let go, and reach that sacred place. I think that is always some kind of struggle for me. I am so distracted by the life that goes on around me. It makes me want a private studio outside of my house. A place where life stops interrupting and a silence sucks me into that zone.

I miss “the zone.” Oh my god, I’m going to cry! I know it’s a stupid thing to call it, but I am not in the zone to call it something different. But it’s a portal into a universe that is impossible to explain. And I miss the moments that I just barely touched upon it, and right now I feel so far away from it.

Seeing Eden Veaudry work gives me a jolt, and it’s like making some clouds part for me. I love it so much I could scream. 🙂

work and blabbering

Hola!

I’ve been buried in work and beyond. I started this painting a couple weeks ago after months of planning it out, on and off – scribbling in my little moleskin where I record my ideas and dreams. I don’t have it readily available as much as I need it. I’ve even thought about rigging it around my neck.

Attaching the bottom half (which is very thick, bumpy fabric) was the hardest part. And I went through more than a gallon of gesso and white paint to start getting it white. Fabric sure likes to suck up water based paint, so I had to change it up after a while and use layers of polymer and then enamel. Once it finally dried in the sun I started layering it with white oil paint. The people at Dick Blick thought I was a nut, since I kept going in there to buy tubes of white. Luckily, only the top layers are the 30 dollar tubes, or else this painting would have put me a lot more in debt.

So the underpainting is done and I’m just starting the fun parts on the top half, bringing out the cartoons and garment patterns that form Hebrew writing, neither which you can really see in this god-awful photo. The Hebrew says Stop apologizing for who you are, an affirmation I’ve been using a lot lately. I’m also putting bits of my Great grandmother with a tree growing out of her head, and my mother getting electric shock treatments. But I want the overall composition to feel tranquil and cozy in a freezing, arctic tundra kinda way.

Oh, so speaking of debt, I just put an unmentionable amount of money into fixing my car. It was cheaper than buying a new car, but enough to buy a certain kind of car. But I love my little CRV, and it needed new struts, arm bushings, a radiator and some pump that works with it, a wheel alignment, and a little bit of this and that besides. I was without car for a couple days, and picking it up and paying for it depressed me for another couple of days. But that’s life.

When I picked it up, MJP and I went to Joshua Tree again. I know that sounds crazy in this heat, but we went very very early in the morning, and as usual, it was gorgeous, peaceful and quiet.

The $2 Bill Show at the I5 gallery at the brewery was nice. Lots of really great work. My favorites were mjp‘s, Leigh Salgado‘s, Yaya Chou, and Reuben Sorenson‘s – who painted on both sides f the bill. It was a great show. I hope Mat Gleason does it again and perhaps make sure that no one signed the front and make people buy the work without knowing what they get, like SMMoA’s Incognito‘s events.

I have to make more coffee. I’m falling asleep typing this. It must be damn boring to read if I’m bored typing it.

More later. Addios, y hasta pronto. (Yes, I am finally learning how to speak Spanish.)

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th everybody. Hope you are having a grand ole time. I am just hoping my dog will not get too scared tonight and try to run away. Fingers crossed. Yard boundaries secured.

I finally fished “the green one” which is now called “Argument Park.”

I also pretty much finished this freaky doll:

Okay bye.

She Dreamed She Remembered

She Dreamed She Remembered

That is the title of my upcoming show this fall at George Billis. It only took me a month to decide on a title for the show. It was driving me absolutely batty because the titles of things are so important to me. I feel like the show title has to really wrap up the basic meaning of the show, taking all of the pieces into account. I consider it the main answer to “What does this all mean?” When I am asked that, I can refer the person to the title and not have to do as much explaining in person. The title also gives a basis in which to write a press release, and just gives a life to all my focus. I mean, I could have just called it “A Year of Sore Feet and an Aching Back!” which also explains a lot.

I’m working on 2 different series for this show, the new series and an extension to the Black Hole pieces. All throughout I am drawing on lucid dreams and genetic memory. The new stuff is a combination of family inheritance, Ancestry, cellular memory, medication, Hebrew, and evolution. Many of the pieces contain what looks to be self-portraits, but most of them are what I like to call the Moppet Girl. That’s not a misspelling of Muppet, but it’s great that they sound alike because she is somewhat of a Muppet as well. She’s based on me, yes, but it’s more about how I can see myself as a separate character: an idea of what I could be. It is a fantasy of self-loathing, being able to laugh at oneself, inner voices, emotions, and embellished narratives.

This green painting is taking longer than one would think. I am only able to work on it a couple hours a day because I’ve been swamped with outside appointments and various distractions that working at home can bring. It seems I got a lot done there for a while, then things are slowing. I have a deadline for myself to complete this piece before July 2nd, which is slightly possible, but not really. I get to be with it all day tomorrow, so maybe I can get most of the painting done. It’s a bit more than half painted as it is. But it won’t be dry enough to start the sewing and embroidery by Monday, so I’ll shoot for next Thursday.

Sunday I am going to be at Self Help Graphics for the Print Fair and the Atelier Maestras V show. I hope some of you can come by, it’s going to be fantabulous! It’s from noon til 5pm. There is going to be a little after party at Yolanda’s studio. Email me if you’re interested in coming. Atelier #50 Maestras V, curated By Yolanda Gonzalez includes the following Artists:

Judy Baca
Barbara Carrasco
Magda DeJose
Carol Es
Emilia Garcia
Yolanda Gonzalez
Aydee Lopez
Poli Marical
Gina Stepaniuk
Linda Vallejo

Master Printer Jose Alpuche and Assistant to the printer Ivan Alpuche will be doing mono print demonstrations. Atelier #48 Series Landscapes Curated by Omar Ramirez will also be showing, and includes Brandy Flowers, Jose Ramirez, Omar Ramirez, ,Frank Romero, and Vincent Valdez. I have one of Vincent Valdez’s prints of Chavez Revine and it is one of the most amazing prints I’ve ever seen.

Atelier #49 “Homombre L.A.” curated by Miguel Angel Reyes, will also be there. Artists: Alex Alferov, Alex Donis, Ruben Esparza, Jeff Huereque, Rigo Maldonado, Luciano Martinez, Miguel Angel Reyes, Hector Silva, Paul Sweeney, and Joey Terrill. And a limited number of all the suites (same Number prints) will be available, including mine. Come see, come see, come hither!

Too hot to think

It is too hot to move, too hot to put clothes on, too hot to think. We are having a record-breaking heatwave here in Los Angeles and it’s a killer, I tell you! We weren’t affected much in San Pedro when this happened. In fact, no one I know had air conditioning in San Pedro. You didn’t need it.

But alas, I am not in Pedro anymore. I’m up here on the El Sereno/South Pasadena/Alhambra border. And while it’s beautiful, it’s HOT, even with A/C. I hear that northeast Pasadena is like 10 degrees hotter, so I feel bad for mjp. Luckily he is indoors in the AC.

I only managed to work a little bit on the green painting, but it’s slightly further along. It’s just hard to see in this blurry image. I spend a lot of time layering a lot of medium in order to get a rich, almost incandescent, coloring, something I’ve been doing a long time. I think it gives it a polished look in the end, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Often I just want to obsess less and see what would happened if I left it the fuck alone, but I’m not going to do that with this piece. I’m going to put all my efforts in like I do all my canvases otherwise I don’t feel right about showing or selling them.

pey2

I use a lot of underpainting for texture and depth, coating the top with either a thick (matte) or transparent oil color. The pattern paper I use takes a lot of abuse, first with sticking it onto the canvas with a clear acrylic polymer — which leaves a shine, and I hate that shine, so then I work with swirling a lot of acrylic matte color on top of the paper and over the polymer until the paper absorbs it and the shine diminishes. I’ll get a lot of rough parts in the paper, kind of spotty, in the areas that didn’t get sealed with the polymer. I kind of like that (depending) because it shows the paper getting roughed up, like scrubbing it until it almost starts to fall apart. It’s fun stuff. I try to be careful not to completely hide that manila color of the paper, even when it’s mixed with paint – I like to keep some of that original paper color present somehow.

I feel like I am giving away my secrets. I don’t know what compelled me to start typing about this stuff.

Anyway, after all that is done, I feel like then the thing is ready to be painted on. I know that sounds silly since I’m painting layers on it before that, but when I get to the point where I’m using pure oil paint and pencil, it’s all prep work to me. The basic composition is there, and the original vision, but then it’s time to expand on that and see where it all goes. That’s the “painting” part.

The stage you see here is me just starting to “paint” it. I can confirm, however, that the top left corner of this painting is 90% done.

When it’s all done being painted and it dries, I stitch on it: one stitch at a time. I poke the holes first, so I can see where I’m at from the back of the canvas because light comes through those holes and the light is my guide.

After that I’ll embroider some elements in the painting. That part is fun too, because it’s the ‘finisher” to the whole thing and I can start to see what the hell I’ve made. And I usually hate it until I can walk away from it for some days. Well maybe not hate as much as can’t be objective. That is a whole other process. The artist spends all this time with the process of creating and fabrication, having a very close personal relationship with the work in a way a viewer will never ever know, then the viewer is experiencing something the artist will never know because of the very intimate time we spent working on it. I can compare it to a mother raising a child, then letting that child loose to fend for themselves. You’re proud, yet horrified, terrified and cautious. You know you did your best, and now you must put the child to the test.

I guess I spent most of the day Tuesday working on this doll thing instead of painting.

doll2

If I can get it to where I want it, I’ll put it in the show and hang it from the ceiling, but I think this one is more like the prototype and not the one I’ll be happy with.

I did manage to finish the 2 dollar bill. I expected to sew on it, or embroider it, but I just painted something goofy on it. I’ll scan it when it’s dry and send it off to Mat Gleason.