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What am I? Winner? Loser? Role Model for Narcissists?

October 18, 2013October 18, 2013Ayin Es2 Comments

I’ve been working on that COLA grant and not much in the way of art. I forgot about that damn thing. Saying “the COLA grant” is just a short way of saying the 2014-15 City of Los Angeles’ Department of Cultural Affairs Grant Program Application for the Individual Artist Master Fellowship.

I have applied for this grant every year since I have been eligible. You are eligible when you have had 15 or more years of professional experience. The only year I did not apply was last year. I guess I was just disheartened and felt like it was useless to apply anymore, so I don’t know why I am applying now, but I am. A friend of mine won last year. Actually, a friend of mine wins every year. Every year, at least one or two people I know pretty well wins. Same goes for the CalFund.

However, I applied for the Pollock-Krasner award seven times before I finally got it. I’m sure I have mentioned that thousands of times. I mention that because I want to be encouraging to other artists to keep trying. Don’t get discouraged. Stay on track. Keep going. Don’t let those poopers get you down. Yet here I am complaining.

You tell me. How can I express my own frustrations and honest insecurities while trying to be some sort of role model? That’s a toughy. Because I try to be candid as I possibly can here. I’m not full of shit. I might be full of myself, and I might not even be anybody’s role model, but I really do want to help other artists that are trying to do what I’m doing. I certainly know what it’s like – the feeling of running in place and getting nowhere. You look down and see that you’re just digging a hole into the dirt. And when you do that, there’s nothing else to do but climb out of it. There is nothing else to do. No one else is going to pull you out either.

Sure, you might have the good fortune of having a loving partner or friends, or a loving mom that tells you that you’re wonderful. That your art is fabulous. “You’re the biggest genius on the face of the Earth!” That’s nice to hear. But you and I know it goes in one ear and out the other when you don’t feel the same way about it than they do. YOU have to feel it. And you can get grants and awards and win the MacArthur (wouldn’t that be something!?), but other than taking you out of poverty for the moment, it’s not going to change how you feel about your art. Trust me. You have to believe in yourself. That’s why there’s nothing else to do than to dig yourself out of the hole and keep going.

But I wasn’t even going to talk about that. Nope. I really wasn’t. I was going to show you a few of my mediocre, colored pencil drawings that I happened to scan from some of the Today’s Quandary. books. Here are a strange few:

Lastly, but not leastly, I have another painting on the Huffington Post’s Image Blog! That’s always nice. Good promotion. I think anyway. No, I KNOW! I am grateful as all hell to be on that site. It’s kind of surreal that I have my own art on there, and that I can blog on there whenever I want as well. I just need to get my article writing chops up to par.

Anywho, thanks for reading, you!

Now I’m going to make a CD for my little sister of music that I myself have played on as the drummer. But I have to make it “age appropriate.” Now that’s going to be a challenge. No, not from the Extinct. It’s the band Circle of Power that’s going to be a problem. She loves rap too. A real quandary that is.

In Case I Wasn’t Clear

September 30, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today’s Quandary. is now on sale. Here is the link: https://esart.com/books/quandary

Busy Bizy Buzzy Bee

September 30, 2013September 30, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

But no painting.

Nope! No painting. I haven’t painted in months! It’s been all about the books Baby. Not baby books! Who said that? I didn’t. I don’t make baby books. But I might someday. I’d love to make some children’s books. You know, when I have some time? Who has time though? I don’t.

I have more time now than I used to, but I still don’t have any. I say “No” more now. No more now. No more yes-yes-yes. Yes, I will do that for you. Yes, I will show in that show and this show and that show. Yes, I will help you re-write your resume. Yes, I will meet you for a four hour lunch. Yes, I will build you a new website. Yes, I will come to your opening and stand on a cement floor for two hours. Yes, I know it doesn’t look like I have MS, but your cement floor is killing my fucking legs! Yes, I will keep smiling.

It’s just that I forget. I forget how to take care of myself. I forget TO take care of myself. I am genuinely interested in you and art and whatever I want to help with. I wish I could help more. When I was a kid I wanted to be a nun, and I wasn’t even Catholic.

In any case, I had a nice Saturday. I took Alicia to Watts Towers where there was a big drum festival, plus the gallery was open, and we got an official tour of the towers.

Then, when I got home, all my Today’s Quandary. chapbooks arrived from Bill in the mail! Woo hoo!!! They go on sale tomorrow for 25 bucks! You can email me and reserve one before that if you’d like to get yourself a low number. The first 10 are almost all reserved already. Almost. I have #9 sitting here that I’m about to make an original drawing in.

I’m also trying to get over a cold. Or is it a flu? I don’t know what it is, but mjp gave it to me and he still has it too. He got it on a plane coming back from Atlanta on business. Then, when he came home, it got really windy that one day. Remember that day? It was right after it was super hot the day before. So a huge branch of the tree in our backyard broke off. It was about a quarter of the tree! I found out that when trees get very, very hot, they get weak. Well, we have a Brazilian Pepper tree, and right now it’s bee season, so getting it hauled away proved to be tricky. In the fall, the bees from all over the world come to our pepper tree and eat the blossoms that this tree creates from the second week of September to the third week in November.

So if you want a very busy pet bee, YES! I can help you get one.

…5:17 p.m.

So, I’ve been out in the studio for the last couple of hours making drawings in these new chapbooks and I thought I would take a break. These are going to take quite a while, and I thought to myself, self, take your time. I kinda like the idea of knowing who I am drawing for. Since the first eight have been reserved, and they are reserved in a specific order, I know who is getting which number. The few people that I happen to know personally are getting custom drawings – because they are on my mind while I am drawing them. I can’t help it. So, while they are signed, I just might keep the drawing part open until they are ordered – at least some of them. I think that might be a pretty good idear there.

Anyway, I can’t get over how nice these things look. They sure are gorgeous. You should buy one! Such a deal! Especially because they have original art in them.

Oh yeah, I wanted to talk about how I did all this research the the perfect colored pencils and I finally got them today (perfect timing, right!?). So I was just trying them out. I wanted something softer than my Prismacolors, and after much research and speaking to experts, I decided to invest in a small set of Caran d’Ache Pablo Colored Pencils. Okay, NOT cheap, right?

I’m trying them out just now, and if you ask me, they are harder than the Prismacolors AND not quite as brilliant. I mean, that’s just my opinion. I know many people will disagree, but this is what I am seeing.

I work under a daylight white florescent light, but I also have the left side of me open to the outdoors. I mean the entire wall, so I’m seeing this mostly in real daylight. That is, until 5:15. I think I had a good assessment of seeing and comparing. I think the Prismacolor pigments are brighter.

Good thing I only got a set of 18 of the Pablos. I’ll still use them. They are still beautiful. But they made me appreciate what I had more.

I’m going to put these up for sale now. Have a good one!

Outside the Lines Signing: a Big Success!

September 22, 2013September 22, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

Yesterday was the Outside the Lines signing at the MOCA Store on Grand Ave., which was a giant success! Hundreds came to get their coloring book signed by over 50 artists that were in attendance – including ME!

I had so much fun! Shepard Fairey was DJing the entire time, so I was dancing in my chair. He’s actually a great DJ! He knows how to kick it Old Skool. And I sat right between Young Kim and El Celso. To the right of Celso was Saelee Oh, and to the left of Young was Yuri Shimojo.

I think we were all a little overwhelmed at just how many people showed up.

Even when we first got there, which was early enough to get set up, collect our Adidas gifts (since they were one of the sponsors), there were already people there beginning to color on the wall of blown up pages.

I had mjp take my copy of the book, stand in every line possible, and get it signed by each of the artists – which was really nice of him since some of the lines were pretty damn long and even took up to an hour – either because of how popular the artist was, or how long they took to customize their inscription, or both. Late in the day, the MOCA Store ran out of books to sell, so people were just getting blank books to sign. I even signed blank sheets of paper, so artists were beginning to draw a lot of pictures rather than just sign their names. I mean, we felt bad for them, so, whatuya gonna do?

It was just about a year ago when Souris asked us all to participate in this endeavor – it is unbelievable that it finally all came together to be such a huge success, and the coloring book hasn’t even been out but a couple of weeks! And would you believe that all of this was inspired by one very special little girl? Lulu.

I just have to say that I am HONORED to be part of this project. Thank you to Souris and her entire family for this wonderful experience.

BUY THE BOOK!

Big Ole Newses

August 30, 2013August 30, 2013Ayin EsLeave a comment

The big coloring book I’m in is finally releasing September 3rd! Outside the Lines, curated by none other than Hustler of Culture‘s L. Souris Hong-Porretta! You can now buy it at 40% off during the PRE-SALE on Amazon here.

But if you would like to get some of your pages signed by some of the artists, like ME, or Exene Cervenka, Gary Baseman, Jen Corace, Buff Monster, Jesse LeDoux, Logan Hicks, and more, come to the the OTL Launch and signing Party at the MOCA store on Saturday, September 21st from 3-6 PM!

Actually, I am not sure which artists will be there, but Shepard Fairey will be there, and so will I. Let’s guess who will bring a bigger crowd. Well, no matter what, it’s going to be stuffed. Once MOCA sends out the official invite (which will have the names of the artists that will be there for signings) things will only get hotter, and trust me, it doesn’t seem like it can get much hotter here in Los Angeles right now. It’s been unbearable. But this party is about to bust thermometers all over the place.

So far, Outside the Lines has already brought in some great reviews, like this one on Dad of Divas, Another on Cool Hunting, and I’ve heard as well as the Advocate, Daily Candy, and Parents Magazine! Buzz, buzz, buzz!