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Please don’t spoil my day, I’m miles away, And after all, I’m only sleeping

Ayin Es2 Comments

I’m still doing the Purge Project. It just takes me time to get around to all the things I make plans for because I make too many goddamn plans. Eventually, I’ll get to it. I have a stack of books in my book room, and I’m still not finished going through the shelves. In the meantime, I’m trying to fit in everything else during a time I am bombarded with nearly crippling fatigue. It’s been like 2 months now and it’s driving me absolutely bonkers. I feel like I am moving through a Jell-o mold, and I want to sleep all the time. It’s like having narcolepsy. It sucks when you have a lot of things you’d like to do. My best time is in the morning, so I am doing all that I can during those times, and doing the best I can through the rest of the day. Napping helps a little, but for some reason I feel guilty when I do that. Napping is for babies! Haha.

Last night I had an Open Studio at Moppet and it went okay. A lot more people came through than usual, which was nice, and my assistant (and good friend) Jennifer came to sit with me, making life a whole lot more bearable. I even worked a little bit while she was there. She made me more comfortable I guess. She knows me pretty well, so she understood how difficult it is for me to sit the space and answer questions about my work. In fact, she said it must be very hard for any artist to have to do that. I think it probably is, not just me. Don’t we tend to be pretty introverted? We aren’t the car salesman types, but then again, I have met a few artists that really do like to go on and on about themselves. I have done it myself out of nervousness before – just ramble about stuff no one has even asked me about. The truth is, I’d rather not be around at all when people are looking at my work. Let them figure it out.

Speaking of talking about your art, I have to do that tomorrow at LMU and I’m pretty nervous. I am there to give a lecture on my work for a class that focuses on art in Los Angeles. I have no real idea what I am going to say yet, but I’ll put together an image presentation, some background info, and maybe bring some of my books. I’ll have to wing the rest and hope I don’t choke.

I made this little ink drawing for The Circle of Women’s National Stamp Project Exhibit created by artist Margaret Garcia. She invited visual artists, poets, musicians, print-makers, or just people of culture to create a STAMP IMAGE. Each stamp will bring to life an affirmation which we desire to be STIMULATED OR CULTIVATED—for example, health, wealth, love, creativity, generosity, intuition, humility, faith, illumination, spirituality, forgiveness, intelligence, wisdom, courage, growth, tolerance, hope, vision, abundance, talent, music, kindness, fellowship, prosperity, etc. There will be an exhibit of stamp art and opportunities for print exchanges. Venues in Los Angeles, Texas, Oxnard and San Francisco have expressed interest.

I am very much looking forward to another project that I have been planning for some time. I’m renting a house out in a very secluded area of Joshua Tree for a couple weeks that has an art studio. It has no phones, no internet, no television, etc. All I am going to do is draw and rest. Hopefully, it’s just what I need.

What’s new in the rain?

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It’s been raining like small forest creatures here. Not that we don’t need it. It makes everything green and pretty and stops me from moving to Portland. But being an LA native, I am very cold-sensitive and my old bones can’t take the chill all too well. I need a knitted afghan on my knees like an old lady, which makes me want to complain in my rocking chair and tell stories about what it was like before the war.

I had a productive weekend nonetheless. fellow blogger Anna Conti came down from San Francisco with 3 of her friends and came to me studio for a visit on Saturday. I was honored to be one of their many art stops along their weekend venture. They were all so nice and gracious, they would not even except any of the Hanson’s sodas I offered. I wound up over chatting a bit (I tend to do that when I feel nervous — overcompensating for fear of being too shy and quiet).  I probably just came off “normal” for all I know, but through it all I really enjoyed their visit very much. Luckily, Saturday was a nice day without rain, so I’m sure they were able to see a lot. They are getting jacked on their way back home today with this storm, but being from SF, I’m sure they are well used to it.

Here’s a pic of Anna and her friends in my studio on Saturday:

I also created a new page on my site with some pictures of my studio. You can only get to this page through THIS LINK until I incorporate somewhere else on my site somehow.

In other news, I’ve been working on this new painting of gumball machines. It’s 40 x 60 inches in size, and it’s coming together slowly, but surely:

I finally finished this one about a week ago, but I just now posted it on my site:

“I Waited For You,” 2010. Oil, paper, pencil and embroidery on canvas. 36×36 inches (detail).

When Anna came to visit, I was just telling her about how I was waiting to hear back from the Women’s Studio Workshop on my proposal for a book residency I had applied for. Low and behold my answer was waiting for me when I got home on Saturday. I did not get it. There were 80 applicants and only 2 slots. I know the competition was steep, and maybe a long shot, but I really thought my proposal was strong and I guess my hopes were a little too high because I was seriously bummed when I got the news. The day before, the results for the West Prize came through and I did not get that either, but I was not expecting to win that one at all, so I was not surprised or sad about that one. The winners are posted and they are all very compelling and I can see why I probably wasn’t even in the running.

Just as sad is that Art Clokey died recently. I don’t know what I can say about him that isn’t out there since he’s passed away, but he was a major inspiration for me and will be missed and honored in my heart forever.

If you’ve got a heart, then Gumby’s a part of you.

Happy New Year

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Today is the first day of a new decade. How weird. How weird that I have lived through a few decades. I don’t feel all that old. I kinda still feel like I’m 8. Well anyway, good riddance to 2009. A thorn in my side. I made a stupid rhyme. I’m not once for New Year’s resolutions, but I have quite a few this time. I had my last cigarette yesterday. (Make way for dramatic mood swings.) And I have to lose all the weight I put on this past year. A year and a half actually, because it started with all the fast food in Las Vegas while staying in hospice with my dad. I’ve been eating badly ever since as a form of comfort and depression. So all that is going to stop and regular exercise will become a priority. Not only will it be better for me physically, it will apparently take me out of the doldrums – so say the doctors.

January I will begin working on a new series of paintings for my show in the fall at George Billis Gallery in Los Angeles. I’m looking forward to making the work. A little nervous about it too, but that’s a good thing I suppose. While working on it all, I’m also going to be embarking on a project that is totally different for me: a stop-motion animation project. I am lucky enough to partner up with UK artist Susan Holloway who is going to help me with making 2 short films. I am trying to get funding for the project, but if I don’t get it, I am still going to inch my way through the project slowly but surely.

I started to employ a part time assistant. That is totally new. And strange. I have never done that before and it’s not easy to let go of things or even know exactly what to divvy out. It forces me to organize my days a lot more because I have to give her something to do for the hours she is here that will essentially make it easier for me to just paint. It’s weird to let someone else do my administrative stuff because I’m such a control freak. It requires trust. She is one of my best friends, so I got lucky on that front. Having her seal panels and stuff like that will be interesting, and probably easy. It’s not brain surgery. Overall though, it’s very different, but it’s making me work more because I’m on a schedule part of the week. The rest of the week I can go into the studio at my leisure, so I still have time to do crack and drink whiskey.

Buckle Down

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Just buckling down, finishing up work, shipping them out and working on a few pieces at once. I finished up those few I had posted about earlier and they are on my site here – some of them on their way to Houston for my show that opens on the 5th, while some are on their way to Miami for the Red Dot Fair, and even more are packed up now, waiting to be shipped out to Latrobe, PA for a show at Saint Vincent College. Lots going on, so that’s good. I started a new one called, “I Waited for You,” but this is a really bad cell phone camera shot of it:

It’s a 36-inch square, oil, paper and linen on canvas and it still needs lots more paint and embroidery, but the basic composition is there. I’m also working on a tiny piece of my dad on a cell phone, a medium/small panel with some Hebrew on it, and considering doing some garment sculptures, but am going to need a sewing machine for it. It’s going to be very different for me and quite unsaleable, so it’s a bit of an unnerving idea. There’s also this animation idea I’d like to try. It’s super simple, but I think I need to to it. …Could be the drugs talking though. I don’t know.

Something big that I started completely sober is my book. Not an Artists’ book. A creative, autobiographical piece of genuine non-fictional, soon-to-be- novel-sized book.

I also put Horsebucket on super sale for 80 bucks until January 1st, so swoop in on the rest of them while they last.

I saw The Family Stone today, not a bad movie. I was intrigued with the family dynamics. I also saw Hard Core Logo the other night and it was also not too bad. Interesting, but expected more. Still, had I not expected anything, I would have wound up liking it more.

OH! Speaking of REAL writing. Real good writing that is, You MUST see my boyfriend’s new book page and READ THE DESCRIPTIONS of the books. They are absolutely hysterical! And I must say he is not really exaggerating much at all because you can see from his descriptions that he’s a damn talented writer and funny person. Buying one of his books ain’t no shabby, bad idear either. You’ll find out in a short amount of time why I fell in love with him.

Another Long One

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OMG. I’m having a hell of a time right now. Today is the first official day I will not be smoking anymore. I picked up the bad habit again about a year ago when my dad was dying. I have been able to quit for months at a time since then, but then another highly stressful situation would rear its ugly head, and I’d be right back, suckin’ em down again. I’ve given myself a break here and there with the illness and death of my folks, fights with my brother, depression over all of it, but then I was able to quit in August. I quit for a whole month! Why did I go back after I was over the worst part of withdraw and well on my way to a healthier future? I do not know! That’s when I noticed all the excuses coming in that were not nearly as justifiable as high stress situations. “I’m not quite ready to quit yet.” Or “I love smoking!” “It gets me to spend more time outdoors.” “It fits my personality better than not smoking.” “It helps me relax.” “It’s better than being addicted to heroin!”

The excuse list has just been really lame, so I set a quit date for November 20th. I know today is only the 19th, but I ran out of cigarettes yesterday at 3PM. Now I could buy a last pack today, and maybe even smoke them all so I feel like such shit, tomorrow will be easy. Believe me, I’m thinking about it, but I should probably just get a head start on this shit now.

Okay, enough about the Cancer sticks. What has been going on? If I wrote in this blog more often, you’d be able to keep up without having to read all this bullshit. But the truth is that I’ve been busy. I finished up those paintings I last posted. And I prepared my shipment for my Houston show at Koelsch Gallery. It went out yesterday. (The show opens on December 5th.)  It’s called “Float Without Moving.”

And I’ve been getting my studio (Moppet) all cleaned and prepared for the big Open Studios I’m having this Sunday!  Are you coming? Because I think I am so confused and out of mind mind from nicotine withdraw that I’ve cut my prices for that day to redonkulous amounts. Good thing this sale will only be one day because it felt like I was being stabbed when I priced some of this stuff. But, I’ll heal. I am determined to do anything to get you to own some art work. (Do I sound like a car salesman yet?)

It’s all day Sunday, November 22, 2009 from 9:30 AM to 5:00 PM!

I realize that a lot of other people on the Discover Tour are going to have very inexpensive art items that are very friendly and helpful for the holidays. Even with my prices cut, I am probably still not going to be in their range, but there are a ton of drawings of mine you can buy for 50 bucks, and plenty more under $300. Even a few paintings are as low as $650.  I may even bring in a few more significant ones and mark them under 1000. Maybe I’ll be nuts enough to trade for a drag off your cigarette! Nah, hopefully by Sunday, I won’t be as crabby as I am going to be today through Saturday.

In some unrelated news, I wanted to help promote my other half’s new special edition book, published by Chance Press in Oakland, Ca. It is a little hand-sewn chapbook about his first guitar entitled, “No. 2236 Flying Wedge.” If you are not familiar with MJP’s (AKA Michael Phillips) writing, this would be a good chance to get introduced to his style. Very few writers know how to write with a distinct personality intact and make it breezy to read – like it is reading itself. It takes a very special talent to do that. Bukowski had it, John Fante had it, and without being bias, Phillips has it in spades. He’s been hard at work on his novel for the last year and I am just sitting on my hands with excitement, waiting until I get to read the first draft – which is just around the corner. In the meantime, he bangs out little stories like “No 2236 Flying Wedge,” paints little sketches on the special parts of the edition in a day, and it’s whipped together faster than you can say to yourself, “I wonder if I should put out a little book.”