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The Terribles

Ayin Es3 Comments

I’ve been working on “terrible” paintings lately. I am doing this because I feel I’ve had such fear of making a bad painting, that I over-think my approach. This idea has really been helping me to get back into the swing of things again.I have quite a few pieces in progress and only a couple so far really are terrible.

I got this notion after speaking with a good friend of mine, Robin Cracknell. Robin is an amazing fine art photographer in London. His works are compelling with deep-rooted issues around giving a voice to children that have perhaps not been taken seriously, believed, or otherwise ignored. It speaks volumes, to me especially. His work just continues to resonate with me. And having this inspiring conversation with him has brought new light to my process in making my own work. I don’t know how to thank him, but I hope this new energy lasts a good long while. I’ve needed it.

So here are a few works that are still in progress:

thedealip

This one is called The Deal and the painting on it is done. Now it needs to be embroidered all over. A time consuming task.

This next one, Ofrenda, I’ve been working on since I moved into my studio and I would say that the painting bits are very close to done. Then I’ll have to wait for it to dry and start on the embroidery.

ofrenda3aip

Now this one is a complete piece of crap that I still don’t know what to do with:

shit

It seems pretty unfinished, but you get the basic gist of what it is mostly looking like.

The following is finished, but it’s, well, I have no idea about it. But it’s called, Have a Beer.

haveabeer

What the hell do you make of it? Actually, nevermind. No comments from the audience, please. I need to make my own decisions, and that’s something that is not so easy for me to do, but I’m learning and getting a bit better at it. I am good at making instinctual decisions, just not conscious ones!

I’m also working on this big square the has a giant red circle on it. I know what I want to do with it, it’s just a little weird. Trying to be weird and allowing yourself to be weird are two very different things, mind you. Giving yourself permission to be free is one thing. Attempting, and trying, to be odd and original does not work. It’s all about listening to your true voice. This is genuine. Letting all the crap from the art world, commercialism, galleries, critics, and other people enter your mind is just suicide. This kind of focus is not easy. “How does this work with my other paintings” is another fucked up thought that tries to sabotage me in my studio. You have to stop thinking in terms of shows, series, bodies of work to really start making art that is true to yourself, and all these tasks are not as easy as one would think because we all want to be loved and we all want success. I guess it’s just a matter of redefining what success is — all the while living in a society that clearly dictates which achievements are successful. Fucken society! Who needs em?

Okay, in other news, artist Jeremy Quinn has featured his studio visit at Moppet on his blog. What a nice treat!

Happy Halloween everybody!

I was going to ramble on about something else, but now I forget, so bye.

Ofrenda

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I am still working on this painting in the studio. Working in the studio has been a little bit of a challenge, I think because I have been without one for a couple years now and started to get used to working from home again, but the more I spend time in the new space, the more I like it. I just can’t do it in my pajamas. There is good and bad in that. It’s better for me to get out of the house or else I seem to get stuck there and never want to leave. But it’s good to have the separate space so I can leave all the distractions from home where they belong. Not having a phone or an internet connection there also helps with that. I just work straight through the hours and get more done.

This last year has been the most unproductive time I have ever had as a visual artist. I am finally starting to get back into the swing of it all, but I am still working many less hours a day as I did before my father’s death. This is due to partially being stressed out, depressed and traumatized combined with the fact that my dad was really my muse. I didn’t know that until he was gone, and since I made such peace with him before he passed, there’s really no chip on my shoulder to prove to him that I am worth something. I know I’m worth something now, I just don’t know what I’m worth or what I really want to convey in my work anymore.  So far I’ve gotten by with not thinking about it and just letting the work develop itself. That sounds odd, but I really don’t feel like I am directing a thing. Really, I guess I never did. Who makes the work is truly beyond me. I’m just pretty sure it’s not me making this stuff. I can’t defend it or explain it in most instances, so don’t bother asking.

This piece is obviously an ofrenda to my parents. An altar, if you will. It is the first thing I started when I moved into the studio and I have a hard time working on it because of what it is. Today I got a good 5 hours in, but I won’t really be back to it until Thursday. That is, unless my social plans fall through tomorrow (today). As I write this, it’s 2AM and I should really be in bed snoring. Instead, I’m here talking to you. And do you listen to a word I say? There you sit, staring at the screen — but are you really hearing the words? You shouldn’t be. They are not important. What’s important is how you walk through the fire.

ofrenda2small

(still in progress.)

Behind the Seams

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BEHIND THE SEAMS is a curatorial project in collaboration with the Highways Performance Space production of Bias Cut highlights the work of three artists whose contemporary works create a connection between social issues and the activity of sewing. Artists Saeri Cho Dobson, Curt LeMieux, Carol Es, and Lea Redmond each approach needlework from a different expressive position, though all are united in their consideration of pattern-making, embroidery, basting, darning or stitching as more than craft.  The artists will join the creators and performers from Bias Cut in a reception on Saturday, October 17th prior to the performance.

 

OCTOBER 15, 2009 (Stay and Play) 5:30PM

OCTOBER 16, 2009 7:00-8:30PM

OCTOBER 17, 2009  RECEPTION FOR THE ARTISTS  TIME:  7:00-8:30PM

 

For more information about the exhibition and tickets for the performance, go to the Highways Performance Space and Gallery’s website.

 

Tonight!

Ayin Es1 Comment

Getting ready for tonight’s Open Studio at Moppet, which starts at 7PM – and no earlier mind you! 🙂 I don’t have too many confirmed Facebook friends coming this time, but that’s okay considering I am going to be doing this every month or so. It’s the all-day Discovery Tour that is going to be the BIG one, so I hope that brings a big turnout in November. In the meantime, I am not promoting the Second Saturday open studio every month as much as I probably should. I put out a few veggies, cookies and water and haven’t been serving out the wine – which just makes people not want to stay very long. I know art is better with wine, but I just cannot afford to get you all drunk once a month. Myself being plastered is another story all together though.

 

If you came last time, don’t bother coming again because I haven’t done much to the painting that was sitting on the easel. I was sick for a month and so have been working on the one at home, which is coming along. Here it is today (below), and it’s nearly done with the oil painting part. Once it’s dry, it’s embroidery time, which is the most fun.

 

 

I got invited into a show next month at Highways Performance Space and Gallery by curator Jane Brucker, an artist and professor of Art and Art History at Loyola Marymount University. It is to accompany a performance called Bias Cut held on October 16 & 17. The exhibition portion, Behind the Seams, will open the day before and will also feature Curt LeMieux, Lea Redmond and Browne Molyneaux.