Thoughts

Okay, More

Ayin EsLeave a comment

I’m back. That only took a few days, But what cha gonna do?

So where was I? Oh yes. C, D, and E, right? That was like, what? Two weeks ago?

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Seeing my good friends, Dennis and Jean, was SO nice, I can’t even tell you. That might sound boring to you, but it’s not for me. I don’t carve time like that out for myself hardly ever. It was SO nice. They have a house in Palm Springs, and I didn’t stay there last time. I don’t usually stay at anyone’s house, unless they are like family or something, but they insisted. I took them up on it and I am so glad I did. Dennis is like, well, Dad to me in many, many ways. He is too young to be my dad, but I consider him like a father to me anyway. He’s helped me more than my own father has, mentally/emotionally that is. It was good to spend quality time with him. And Jean is probably the nicest person on the Earth. I really don’t say that flippantly either. She truly is! This woman knitted little slipper-socks for me while I was there.

Dennis is an important character in my book that I’m not supposed to talk about, which I’m not. I just want him to know, if he happens to be reading this, that if it weren’t for him, I don’t know where my head would be right now if he didn’t help me through those first couple years after I broke out of the penitentiary, so thanks. See? Read my book when it comes out and you’ll find out all about how I was on Death Row for a murder I didn’t commit!

Anyways…

I also drove out to Joshua Tree while I was there in Palm Springs, for the purpose of getting some footage for my big Kickstarter campaign – which I am going to launch very, very soon! However, when I got out to JTree (It’s about 40-45 minutes from Palm Springs), and after scouting for a location off the road that would be good enough for sound and aesthetic purposes, a bunch of problems arose.

First, I realized that I forgot the mount for my cam that goes onto the tripod. I had to do a kind of odd balancing act with the cam – and it was windy mind you (it’s the high desert after all!), and in case it fell off the base, I tied the strap to the top of the frame so it would not actually fall into the dirt. Luckily it never fell to even test my contraption.

After the first take after I did a little test to see my distance from the camera, but I got it a bit wrong. The top of my head was slightly cut off, otherwise, it was fine. A little wind noise, but, it worked anyway. I needed to do it again and back up a little. So I did, and it just felt better. I checked it for a sec and everything was good, visually. but, the more I played it, the more I listened and heard that the mic was all fucked up. It was clipping in and out, and it wasn’t because of the wind. It was because the mic was fucked up! It was broken and needed to be taken apart and fixed, and not by me. By a professional. So I was screwed. I drove out there for nothing. But it was half the reason I went out to the desert in the first place! I was so upset, I started to cry. Waaaa Waaaa waaaa.

So that was that.

The next day I was interviewed by this woman who has her own YouTube channel dedicated to art and artists. It’s kinda cool! I don’t know when she is putting it up, but you’ll be the first to know.

Okay, now we’re kinda caught up. Sorta.

I’ve been busy.

I’ve been working on that Artist book. Yes, still. I decided to make more changes, but I won’t bore you with that, because mostly, I’ve been working on my Kickstarter campaign that has to do with my Joshua Tree project that I’ve been squeaking about here and there. You probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?

Well, I’ve been telling you about the path, and I’ve been starting you out on the Kabbalah, and that is where it begins. It begins there with meditations on the Hebrew letters, and the Torah, and the story of Exodus, which leads me to the desert, a lot like Moses. Hence, I wind up in Joshua Tree in a house behind a mountain I’ve been referring to as “my little Mt. Sinai.”

Don’t worry, I will make sure that it will all make sense to you once you wake up. Or was that, once I wake up? Oh, dammit! I forgot now. Where was I?

Something about a path…

From A to E

Ayin EsLeave a comment

Dang IT, dang IT! I have SO MUCH to tell and so little time to tell it in. And I’ve been off of my blog for so long, I don’t even know if I can remember all the little holes I have to fill in since I’ve been away from it all.

Okay, I went to Palm Springs. That was great! I had fun, fun, fun! Why? Because:

a. The Diebenkorn show was beyond phenomenal!

b. Shulamit Gallery participated in the Palm Springs Fine Art Fair.

c. I got to see my very close friends, whom I stayed with while I was there: (Dennis and Jean).

d. I went to Joshua Tree to shoot some Kickstarter footage.

e. A surprise interview happened with Colliding Words TV, a YouTube channel for art and artists!

I think if I stick to from A to E, I will be fine. So here we go:

The Diebenkorn Show

I knew I was going to really like this exhibition, which was why I thought of it as a destination in and of itself, but something very significant happened when I got to the museum.

First of, for some reason, I dressed up. I wore a dress! I never wear dresses. It was for practice I suppose, because I was going to a dinner a couple nights afterward, and I wanted to wear a little black dress that night, so I wore a little blue dress just like it to the museum. I didn’t think I was going to run into anyone, but I ran into Mat and Leigh. That was fine because they are my friends. Even if I looked ridiculous, I would have felt half way comfortable with them, so that was good.

But when I turned the corner to see the first paintings of Richard Diebenkorn’s, oh my God! There were three beautiful abstracts hanging straight away. The one in the middle was the largest of the three, with little poles and wires on the ground so you wouldn’t come within three feet of it. The others had tape on the floor I think, for the same idea. These paintings were perfectly painted. You would not be able to know that from just a picture. You’d have to SEE this in real life.

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Then, I just kept walking through. I saw more abstracts and it just got better. I thought I’d be done at that point, as far as being impressed. I’m not one for figurative, much less still lifes. But Jesus! It kept getting even better! This guy painted EVERYTHING perfectly! I couldn’t believe how in LOVE I was with his brushstrokes, and how much permission he gave me, FOR ME to paint anything I wanted too! What an inspiration! If you missed that show, you’re just nuts!

Okay, so anyway, The Fair. The Fair was great. I was in this fair last year, as some of you might remember, with not so great results, and I’m not talking about sales here. Fuck sales. That’s not what this is about.

I was afraid to go to Palm Spring this time around, honestly. I didn’t want there to be a repeat of last year. I didn’t want a bunch of disappointments, nor did I want to have any expectations – which I didn’t. I don’t think I really had any major ones last year either to be honest. I only wanted my work in the show. That was all I really “expected,” as that’s what I was told. But bygones, and all that. So, this time, I didn’t even expect that – seriously!

When I got to the Shulamit booth, I was very pleasantly surprised. Shula, Anne, and Lauren were there, (wo)manning the booth, which was curated, might I say, superior to every other booth I walked passed on my way to theirs. It was sparse, and very well thought out, capturing subtle coloring from Jona’s photographs, to the veins of Soraya’s sculptures, my And and Not painting, and David’s interactive light piece. It was beautiful!

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I think I have to come back later to do C, D and E. I am just so busy with other crap at the moment. Hey, I tried!

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Parallel Paths

Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today I am getting ready to go out to the Palm Springs Fine art Fair. I’m leaving early tomorrow morning. While I’m there, I’m not only going to go to the museum to see the Diebenkorn show, but I am hoping to shoot some footage for my upcoming Kickstarter campaign. I realized that if I don’t land some kind of residency out in Joshua Tree, I am going to have to fund my solo show project in some other capacity. Getting some minimal footage while I’m out that way will be enough to at least make the video teaser for the campaign.

I don’t want to give away the title of my show yet, but I’ll let the cat out of the bag as far as my plans.

I talked before about learning Hebrew and my interest in Kabbalah. I’m going to get more into that, if you don’t mind. Just some basics. It’s interesting, I swear. Okay, maybe only to me.

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First off, Kabbalah is often misunderstood, and I first talked about that in my post right before this one. I mentioned the cult of the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, but it was misunderstood even before that. A lot of people have considered it a kind of “black magic” or even an “occult” side of Judaism, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Not that there isn’t a kind of magic to it, there is. There can be, and there was at one time, but that’s not the kind of Kabbalah I’m interested in. That is called “Practical Kabbalah,” and I will skip that.

To oversimplify it, there is a fundamental, kabbalistic concept of G-d, as the Ein Sof, the Ten Sefirot, and the kabbalistic tree of life.

Now this part is right up my alley, and that is, that the true essence of G-d is so transcendent that it cannot be described, except with reference to what it is not. I love that! This true essence of G-d is known as Ein Sof, which literally means “without end,” which encompasses the idea of G-d’s lack of boundaries in both time and space.

The Ten Sefirot (Sefirot) are emanations, or qualities, and in this case interactions – how G-d interacts with the universe. G-d has both masculine and feminine qualities, and the Kabbalah pays particular attention to the feminine.

Okay, there’s that much in a very small nutshell.

This is mostly where my meditation interest came from. And as far as the Torah, I’ve been reading that too. It’s taken me a long, long, long time to read Genesis. You’d think that would be fairly easy, but I have been torn between several translations of it and several ways I wanted to understand it, in different perspectives I guess you can say: metaphorically, historically, religiously, and from the viewpoints of many sects of Judaism and Christianity.

And now I am beginning Exodus with a much different perspective than I had when I started Genesis, and so much has happened in my life since then too. So much death, so much growth. And my art, wow! How can I describe how far that has come?

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This project means more to me than just putting together a solo show. It is a perfect plan without a plan. I’ve assembled the framework where all I have to do is place my feet along the stones in the path (there I will be grounded) and my head and hands will be free to do whatever comes naturally.

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I guess I’ll have to wait until next time before I start describing the stones on that path. Sorry Charlie.

I do know that all I need is 10 days out in Joshua Tree. I can get my preliminary work done in 10 days.

Just Words

Ayin EsLeave a comment

Just words today. Again. No pretty pictures. Just cerebral ramblings from a mixed up little woman child.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on a giant learning curve, all because of this book, but it’s totally worth it. These are all things I have to learn anyway. I’m learning both Adobe Illustrator, and InDesign at the same time. And these are both major programs with some difficulty involved. You can’t just learn these things overnight, but I am doing the fastest tutorials available in order to get the hang of it. That way I can at least be able to accomplish what I need to for this damn book. I have 30-day trials on both programs, so that is part of the urgency, not that it’s all that urgent really. I can always pay for a subscription for a month or two, until I get the book squared.

This damn book. This damn book alright. I know what you’re thinking. Why do I do these things if they cause me so much grief? I must like to put myself through it. I must be some sort of masochist, right?

Yes, that’s right. I do like it. I like the challenge. I revel in the fight I suppose. When I have a mind to do something, to get something done, I want to do it. I will do it. Sometimes it is easy. Paintings are easy. Sometimes books can be easy. Usually, my books are ambitious. This one is really not as ambitious as some others I have done. Not really. Although, perhaps I could have made a few original books of 60 drawings by now. Heh. But not 30 books. That I know from experience.

The truth is, I am excited about it more than I am stressed. I just love to complain. It’s in my blood.

Speaking of which, I have had the flu for over two weeks now. It acts as a smoldering fire, the embers burning inside my pajamas. It doesn’t seem to stop. I meant to go to the reception of the book show I am in, down at Otis on Saturday night, but I just didn’t feel good. The show is incredible actually. I’m showing with Ed Ruscha, Larry Bell, Kim Abeles, Chris Burden, Laura Owens, Niki de Saint Phalle, Paul McCarthy, Annie Sprinkle, Bruce Nauman, and Kara Walker! Plus so many more incredible and major book artists. Too many to name (I was just doing a little name dropping there, please forgive me).

I should also mention that my book, Today’s Quandary. got picked up by Printed Matter. Woop.

So, there is nothing more comforting than mediating in the sun. It gives me the warm fuzzies. I’m not even allowed in the sun (I’m allergic because of some medication I take), but it is so nice to feel it just a little bit in the morning. To tell the truth, it’s the closest I have ever felt to feeling like a little baby being cradled and safe in someone’s mothering arms. Whose, I’m not sure, but it sure feels nice.

After I get my fix on from that, I sit in my studio, just barely shadowed from the sun. There’s about a three foot band of chocolate brown on the pavement past the large threshold of my rubber studio floor, that is the garage. Gemma, my little dog lays on the cement just past that shadow to get a suntan. She’s always watching what I’m doing like it’s the most interesting thing on Earth.

I was going to write a whole thing about what I’m going to do when I get out into the desert, but I guess I will save that for later. I can’t wait until I get there, but I’m going to have to raise the funds to do it. I’ll have to get on the horn with that as a next project sooner than later.

 

A Day of Ghosts

Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today was a freaky day. It was like I got a lot done, but it seemed like I was just fucking off all day. It was weird.

I must remember that there is a certain amount of important work that happens in art that is not physical, and not tangible, yet feasible and meaningful. Today was a day like that.

I finished writing my Project Proposal for my next exhibition. Now, maybe you’re thinking, your gallery makes you write a proposal? No, they certainly do not. I do stuff like this for my own self. I’m a weirdo. I have my reasons for being weird like this too. Trust me, all that will come out in the open eventually. For now, just trust me when I tell you that I am weird like this for a reason.

For now, it helps me to write all this stuff out, and organize it, and my thoughts, so I can have a better grasp on what I’m doing for the next year or so. And today, it all just hit me and fell perfectly into place: the trip out to the desert, the paintings, the drawings, the installation, all of it. Even the name of the show for God sake! Do I dare splain? No. I do not.

I also chatted with a friend today and brought up all these rather heavy subjects that I thought were fine for me to chat about, but apparently NOT! I got really upset. Next thing I knew, I went from celebrating what I had accomplished the first half of my day, to feeling like a piece of poop on a stick. There are a select few people that get to me, and talking about those people …I don’t know. Every time I think I am threw with all that pain, or being affected by those people, I’m right back where I started!

Okay, so here is a work in progress, (I don’t usually show those, but this is very different!) and it is very small: just 12 x 12 inches. This one is going slow, as they all have been lately. I don’t mind that though.

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It’s on unfinished (raw) canvas. I thought that would be “fun.” All of what you see so far is acrylic, which is also so very different for me. More like a giant pain in the ass! I am not a fan, nor am I very good with acrylics.

I recently finished a couple others. This one, my favorite is Bulletproof 2, and older painting that I turned upside down and painted over, but didn’t fully cover:

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This one is 24 x 24 inches.

I also finished these two:

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That’s Helicopter Pants  (11″ x 14″) and New Years  (4″ x 4″).

I know it looks like I did all this stuff in a month, but all but New Years had all been started long ago. New Years is the only one I started and finished in 2014.

Conclusion?

Onward.