First Day in Palm Springies

I arrived pretty late here yesterday, probably a little after 1:00pm, and I had to wait for my room. I got an early check in, but the room was still not quite ready, so I waited in my little, rented white Fiat and texted a few people I needed to for about an hour until it was ready. I knew by the time I got all my stuff into the room and changed my clothes, I’d be too late for Peter Frank’s guided tour, so I skipped that and decided to meet a couple of guys from Stark + Kent, a cool little gallery here I found on Facebook. We have been emailing back and forth for close to a year now. They were very nice, and they also had a beautiful German Shepard named Madelyn. Most of the work in the gallery was of high quality. yet the pricing was reasonable. Two of the artists were very similar in medium and subject matter – male and a female – only the female’s were more subdued and the male’s (I only remember his first name – Arturo) was of more brilliant colors. I could not decide whose I loved more, but they competed against each other and I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing.

The other thing was, they had told me they were not taking on any more artists until the spring, and I noticed a new artists that used garment patterns in her work – much more salable I have to say, so I fully understood. What can ya do?

So then I went to the fair at the convention center, which is magnificent by the way, a beautiful building. I actually tried to take a picture of the amazing entrance, but my stupid, fat fingers got in the way. I am really bad at taking pictures in general, I’ll have you know. On trips, during those great moments in life, of my dog, especially when she does cute things… I’m just not that person. I never care enough to break out my phone or camera in those moments, especially when I see everyone else doing it. Then I really get annoyed.

But I managed to take one pic yesterday of my friend Kelley Reemtsen‘s work at Skidmore Contemporary‘s booth. No one was around. It was convenient, so I did it. These are pastels.

kelley

Then this morning at breakfast with Tressa Williams, the Director of my gallery, George Billis, I took a picture of some mountains over a parking lot.

mountains

But the best picture I’d like to introduce you to is the TV that is in my motel room, circa 1981. It’s a Zenith, and it works about as good as it looks.

tv1980

We’re Jammin’

Captain’s Log, 9 February, 2013:

I jammed again today with my brother, Mike, and Jason. I’ve been sick so I was kinda in slow motion, but it was still fun. “Fun” is something I am still trying to find because I lost that part of playing the drums a long, long time ago. Playing stopped being fun about four years before I stopped playing. Then I totally stopped for 15 years, sans one gig I did with Falcon Eddy at the Pasadena Armory in 2007 that nearly killed me. I was exhausted after playing two sets of five songs (punk rock songs), I was so embarrassed. Then I figured I wouldn’t be able to find anyone who just wanted to play for fun. “Fun” had been replaced by “goals” for me, and I just didn’t want that anymore. So I’m finding that I’m getting little pieces of fun back, a fragment at a time.

The next two songs on our agenda are Back in Black by AC/DC and Led Zeppelin’s What Is And What Should Never Be.

What came before…

So…I’ve been “jamming” with my brother and our friend from childhood, Jason Mendiuk, in my bro’s garage in Burbank, and it’s been fun so far. I haven’t played in many, many years, so it’s been quite a trip – to say the least. I’m not even playing on my own set, which is something I have always been very picky about, but Mike, my brother, has a pretty damn good Tama set with a good sounding snare – and much to my surprise, his seat goes low enough. Most drum thrones do not go low enough for me. I practically sit on the floor, along with having the snare drum in my lap. I’ve been extremely picky, but It all worked out! Just a few adjustments and viola!

Now we have been doing homework of learning a few songs so we don’t sound as awful as we sounded the first time. Zeppelin’s “The Ocean” – and you’d think I’d know that one. It was the first song I ever learned on the drums, Steely Dan’s “Peg” and “Josie” and for some stupid reason, “Ziggy Stardust.” This was Jason’s idea. Not only do I not like the song, I don’t think it is possible for me to play, especially as an old geezer.

My brother and Jason are both three years older than I am. I think we have known Jason since 1977 because that was the year we came back to North Hollywood after a year or so in Pennsylvania. We lived in an apartment complex called The Cedars and Jason lived across the way from us. They both already played guitar, so they were instant friends. He was always around, so he’s really a lot like family.

That’s his Tele on the right, Mike’s boutique amp on the left, with all his fancy pedals. 🙂

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Had I brought my own set, it would had looked a little something like this. It’s a custom Pork Pie set made by Bill Detemore and one assistant (Byron McMackin – the drummer for Pennywise) in his garage amongst his first 100 sets and before he was a bigger company. It’s hand numbered on the inside of the bass drum and it states that it was custom made for “Carol Es.” I also have a Zildjian ride from the 1970s (a 22 inch) that I acquired in a way that is a story in itself. You’d have to read my book to get that part of the story. It was back when I didn’t do the most legal things. The rest of my cymbals are Paiste, back when I had an endorsement with them. Those hi-hats are the black Terry Bozzio ones, but I still have my 1970s hi-hats I got when I got my ride, and I still play with an old Camco bass drum pedal. It’s really no different than those old DW pedals. They are hard to work and that’s why I like em.

drummer

I was buying snare drums from Bill Detemore for a couple of years before he had the idea to make my set, and I loved his idea. I was originally playing on a Gretsch, five-piece set. Very standard. 22, 14, 12, 14, 16. It was the kit I had saved up for and had wanted for years after being obsessed with this jazz drummer (whose name escapes me) that seemed to be playing almost every gig at the Baked Potato on Cahuenga Blvd. in Universal City. He was playing with great musicians like Steve Lukather, Larry Carlton, Steve Vai, Michael Laundau, or anyone who happen to show up and sit in with whoever was playing that night. Major guys would regularly come into that club and just jam, and this frequently happened at another club around the block called Dante’s. So, I wanted a drumset like that guy’s.

skinnydrummer

Then Bill approached me after a show of mine when I was in the Extinct. We were playing at the Roxy and it was a particularly good show. Packed house, and I knew Bill was there and I really wanted some kind of endorsement from him, even if it was 20% off. By the time I got off the stage, he was so excited. He knew the sizes and the colors, and I loved it! An 18″ kick. Piccolo snare. One 8″ tom, and a 14″ floor. All would be different colors: green, blue, orange, and the rims of the bass drum would tie the different colors together. The finish would still show the grain of the maple wood underneath. I LOVED this idea. The smaller drums would cut through the sound better, I would look like the right size behind the drums, and I would simplify, because I was a pocket drummer. I wasn’t all about fancy fills and such. So I love my Pork Pie drums. I will never sell them. It was so perfect for me and I got a great endorsement!

But I sold those beautiful Gretsch drums to Chris Frazier who, at the time, was playing for Steve Vai. And no, I was not anorexic in the above photo, I was just too skinny and couldn’t afford a hamburger.

I’ve Been

I’ve been mental. A mental case. One foot in crazy town, the other in “everything’s fine.”

A few weeks back, I went to see my doctor. My regular doctor, not my shrink, and like every doctor visit, they weigh you and take your vitals before you actually see the doctor. Well I stepped on the scale (those scales are pretty darn accurate) and I went into a kind of shock. I was probably frozen in denial for a few hours – maybe until I got home and thought to weigh myself on my scale at home, which read about four pounds less than the scale at the doctors, but still heavier than I had ever seen that scale go. Then, from that moment forward, a dark mass began to move into me, like the worst thunder storm just before it shoots out its first bolt of lightning, only it was not cold. It was warm and comfortable. Familiar. Too familiar.

I’ve heard some people talk about depression and how they can take a walk, take vitamin D, or warts on Saint John’s nose, or whatever. They don’t know depression. I’m talking serious, wanting to die, self-cutting depression. That is foreign to them. It would be nice just to have a bad day, and when I am correctly medicated, I do. But my medication is in transition right now and it SUCKS!

Now, not only am I on an SSRI, an anti-anxiety, and an anti-psychotic, but now an antidepressant is added to the mix too. That’s not counting the light chemo, the MS and Lupus meds, and pain killers. I think it’s amazing I was able to produce this new painting last week that I actually really, really love. I call the top part, “In My Dreams, I Fall Apart” and the lower half is titled, “Dick Boat with Feet.”

inmydreamsdetail

The World Did Not End

It’s three days before the end of 2012 and I think it’s safe to say that the world is not coming to an end. That is, unless North Korea does something stupider than usual. But for now, we are here. Life goes on. Death, a passing phase left for those of us that accept it, deny it, embrace it, or fear it.

I haven’t posted a blog post in ages because I have been so busy with new things. I finally managed to finish all the pages for the new, upcoming artist book I am doing with Neil Farber from Chance Press, but I have to withhold most of the images until the book comes out. However, I can show you this one:

In Other News...

“In Other News…” Watercolor and ink on Arches, 7 x 10 inches.

I did this back on the day after the election. It actually comes from a journal entry. Want to read it?

Hundreds of little volcanoes erupted this morning when Michael accidentally erased the databases that run on all our websites. Luckily, there is an old back-up that can save us the trouble of rebuilding, but there are three months of work completely destroyed. In other news, Obama is still the president. Prayers have been answered, but not with the House of Representatives. Barack waited until the wee hours of the morning to finally give his speech and I wondered about how it was possible for the crowd to continue to be enthusiastic, waiving their little flags, for hours on end. They must feel a lot happier about the election than I’ll ever be. Or maybe it is the sociology of the crowd. It reminds me of the religious beliefs I used to have, and do not have now. Ignorance is bliss. They say that for a reason. However, I do miss the confidence and the feeling of being powerful back then. Now I see how empty that was though. A lemming I was. I am more human than I ever was, and perhaps braver than I ever was. I have survived a lot and I can say with certainty that I like me better than ever. As I am building self-worth, I see how far I have come and how far I still need to go i.e. taking better care of myself – of my person. I don’t know why I don’t. I know I’m worth the effort, but I am lazy. Now would be a good time to begin taking care of myself, but the commitment still seems nearly an impossible task. What happened to how eloquently I used to write? Where are my metaphors and my poetic, ethereal finesse? It’s like an atrophied muscle. I haven’t used it in quite some time. A tiny morsel is still there, smoldering. Waiting.

I write some weird ass stuff sometimes.

I’ve also been working on some new oil paintings, here are a few…

Forgotten Place

“Forgotten Place,” oil on canvas, 20 x 16 inches.

walkabout

“Ruminant Walkabout,” oil on linen, 20 x 20 inches.

not

“The Adequacy of And and Not,” oil on canvas, 36 x 36 inches.

runawayboxweb

“Runaway Box,” oil on birch panel, 20 x 20 inches.

twogirlsredux2

“Two Girls Redux,” oil on birch panel, 20 x 20 inches.

I suppose those are a lot of paintings. Now that I post them, I see how much I’ve been working lately. I never usually even see that. I feel like I’m so lazy, but I’m not.

What else is new?

I am going to be in a group show at George Billis Gallery next month. The theme has something to do with toys, but I don’t know what the show is called yet. I am also going to be in a very important show at the Hebrew Union College at USC, which is called, “Intersecting Paths: Art & Healing.” I will have several pieces in this exhibit that tell stories about various ways I have overcome some hardships, as will all of the other artists in the show.

I suppose I am saving the best for last because I am probably more excited about this than just about anything else, which is the fact that MJP and I have been working on a new website for esart for well over a year now and it will finally be launching the first week of 2013! My site has not been updated for more than 12 years. It has had its same look all of that time, and in “web years,” that is a long fucking time. Soon my website will have a whole new look, plus new features that will knock your socks off! I plan to thoroughly promote the hell out of it as it launches, so you will not hear the end of this announcement here. It will go on and on for a few weeks at least. It’s been a long time planning and coding. Oy vhey, the coding!

Anyway, stay tuned.

Where I’m At

Just touching base to let you know where I am on the new Chance Press book. I have to do a total of 19 pieces for this thing, and as of now, I have 5 1/2 to go. I’m very nearly done with the page I am working on now. It’s 16 pages in all, plus a collaborative piece, a small 5″ x 5″ and one that is just pen and ink. The pages are each 7 x 10 inches and they are mostly watercolor and ink with a little bit of colored pencil on some. God, I wish I could show some of them off, but I can’t. I’ve also been working on my new website and I can’t show any of that either until it launches in full. I am really hoping that will be by January 1, 2013.

Other than that, I’ve been actually having a little bit of a difficult time with approaching a newer direction with my paintings. I say that, but maybe I’m not having a hard time at all, I just think I am. I have about four mapped out – I just always worry about the idea of running out of concepts. This is something I have always had going on, but I don’t ever run out of ideas, so I don’t know why I worry about that at all. It’s stupid is what it is.

What else is new? I have been going to art shows. I should have mentioned them right after I saw them, but I didn’t. The best one was Leigh Salgado at Coagula Curatorial. I also saw Richard Bruland‘s solo show at Lora Schlesinger, and Ed Moses at Patrick Painter. Richard’s show was beautiful. He always does wonderful work. And there were a few amazing things at the new gallery that opened in Venice at Shulamit Gallery. The space there is simply stunning. A lot of stairs though. It just keeps going up and up and up with little rooms and galleries on each floor. Very creative space. Some of the work was truly inspiring, but I don’t really know which artist did what. I was taken with the photography most of all. I saw a few other shows too, but I guess they are not worth mentioning. No offense to the artists. Oh, I did like Gary Baseman‘s show in Chinatown. It was not his paintings though. It was all his reference materials and collection of old photographs and I really enjoyed that.

I am trying to get my “Little Sister” to come to a contemporary art museum with me. I have to talk her into it because she hasn’t had the best experience with museums in the past. I want to take her to the Blues for Smoke show at MOCA. I hope to see it with her on December 2nd.