That was after a session of therapy mind you. I’ve been up since 6:30, but I’m sure that’s no big deal for all of you worker types. I mean, I’m a worker type myself, I just don’t usually get on the road and commute for an hour back and forth like I did today. I don’t know how people do it. I really don’t. I feel very fortunate. I think I’ve mentioned before that I usually take a nap for an hour around two or three o’clock, but I never intended on typing that to show off or anything. I just don’t know when to keep my big mouth shut.
I had a pretty productive week last week, and weekend too. Sunday marked the half-way mark in completing all the paintings for the show – that is – if I am going to be completing 23 as planned. And the largest two have not yet been started, but that’s okay because I think as far as the landscapes go, the smaller ones were harder. I have 12 more to go folks!
This is one of the landscapes I finished over the weekend that I call, Unexpected.
This one is 20 x 24 inches and it’s not on canvas this time. It’s on gessoboard – my new favorite support.
I also finished this little guy that I suppose I am calling Rock Creature:
This one is only 12 x 12 inches on birch panel.
But I remember, or rather, I forgot why I was making this blog post. I had a point in it. It had something to do with being really really tired. Maybe that’s why I forgot.
Oh yeah. I planned on coming back home and working on the large canvas – the largest landscape. I opened up the studio and put a few things away to make some room and I just felt so damn tired that I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but sit down here at this desk. In fact, I don’t even want to be vertical. I want to be in a horizontal position with my dog under my arm, falling off into a dream. But here I am not doing either.
So I spent yesterday applying for the City of Los Angeles Individual Artist’s Grant when I said I would never apply for that grant ever again, but this was the last time I will, for reals this time. I did it for a couple of reasons. One: I still had new recommendation letters that were still good. I might as well use them while I have them, right? (Those are not easy to come by.) And Two: I have new visuals. I figure, if I can’t win it this time, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it anymore. Sans an MFA, it’s just so out of my control, I just can’t win the thing and I blame the visuals 100%. I have blamed them thus far because I really do feel I have a competitive CV. This time I have the letters and the CV, and new visuals, so if they pass on me now, it’s still got to be the artwork, and I can only change that every so often – yet, not completely, so I officially give up.
Now, I am not a giver-upper. I applied eight times before I won the Pollock-Krasner Award, and I would have kept applying for that until I got it. I was never going to give up on that. I will never give up on the Guggenheim either, although I haven’t applied for it but once. I plan on applying again when I feel I’m ready and I’m not yet. But I have essentially applied for everything you can apply for and I have received a few things over the years, which is nice. Some people think I just win these things. They don’t realize that I am applying for everything under the sun on a constant basis and getting rejected most of the time.
As far as the COLA, I have been applying for it it well over 12 years now, but I have missed maybe two cycles in that time. The PK Grant is internationally renowned, probably more prestigious, and definitely more money. It was a great honor wining that award – just the acknowledgement and recognition alone was amazing! And I think that is all I ever wanted of the COLA. I have stupid pride and nostalgia for Los Angeles. I just want this city to recognize me so I can stop feeling like such a spec of dandruff in my own home. I don’t even want the money. I just want the Burger King hat.
Okay, well that was all very embarrassing to admit!
Time for a nap.