Try as I Might

If you’ve been reading my writing blog, Shrapnel (for “short”), you’d know that I finished my book last week. Hell must have frozen over or something.

Still, I’ve been waking up, on the average, at 5:00 AM and writing something or other. I think it’s going to take a while before I can ease back into my other life as an artist. Either way I continue to feel like I’m spinning in a maniacal, obsessive kind of state.

I spent most of the weekend, since Friday actually, working on a new newsletter. I totally skipped the summer edition. Too busy with my head in the book–with my mind in a funk. It wound up long, but I finished it: whew! I was all ready to send it yesterday morning. I was just making sure I had everything current on my mailing list (it had been some time since I last backed it up), when I accidentally deleted everyone’s name.


I still had email addresses. Whose they were? No idea.

It’s a little boring and complicated how I came to make this horrific mistake, but it was irreversible. I could not undo it.

The last time I’d backed up the list was over a year ago. At least that was something. It just took half the day to read the MailChimp help files so I could rebuild and return last year’s names in without losing my database history. All my newest signups (since August of 2016) are nameless now. If that happens to be you and you are reading this, please contact me. That means, if your first and last name are not in your email address and you signed up for my newsletter list in the last year, please send me a note.

Putting a newsletter together takes a helluva lot of time. You wouldn’t believe it. Once in a while, some are not as time consuming as others. This last one took a while though. I guess I had a lot going on. I didn’t think I did, but I was wrong. Something I did not put in there–because it is certainly not “news” yet–is that I am being considered for a few art purchases for a brand new medical center in San Francisco. They were considering me for a large commission installation in the pediatrics center, but they decided to go with someone else. Now I am in the running for a purchase possibility. But I have to not get my hopes up so high this time. Still, I really am honored to be considered and it even inspires me to get back into the studio.

Getting your hopes up, or should I say, not getting your hopes up, is such a lie to the self though. It is, when you think about it. I think I’ve said this before. Everybody gets their hopes up. It’s only natural! Let’s face it, whether you hide your excitement, cram it down into your pants and innards, or you don’t, you are still left hoping. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you are putting your positive “vibes” out there and feeling optimistic about the whole shebang. And if you don’t get what you’re waiting for in the end, you are going to be just as disappointed than had you went around feeling as excited as a dumb little kid. So why not feel the excitement of the dumb little kid? What’s the difference?

Anyway, I’ll know in a week or so.

It is difficult to let my book sit for a while, out of my control (again), and for whatever amount of time, blah blah… It kills me. I will be posting about why that is shortly on the other blog–and regarding my plan of action. The book needs proofreading, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it’s going to be a long wait, which sucks.┬áBut, I wanted to get my newsletter out there and make sure I had an updated blog post here so people didn’t think I died or something. Not yet anyway. I’m here and I’m queer and all that. Oh? You didn’t know? Yeah, I’m pretty queer. Not that it’s any of your business. Though, I talk about all sorts of things that aren’t your business in my book. I’ve hyped it now so much, too much I’m afraid, it’s bound to disappoint–I mean, I hope not.

In the meantime, I am going to push my newest Artist Book, The Spark again because the holidays are prac-near here.

It makes a great gift!

Here are the specs:

Printed on 100% cotton Moab and Strathmore papers embellished with unique markings in colored pencils, gouache, ink, pen and graphite with circle drawing on watercolor paper insert in centerfold, imported papers from Italy, linen card stock covers, and a hand stitched binding. Epson Ultra chrome K3 inks otherwise used in the printing process. Books also include a small antique paper label and all books are original works in every way, signed and numbered by Carol Es, packaged like a gift tied with orange waxed linen thread from Ireland; black clamshell case is labeled with a playing card, face-down, revealing intricate painting of Joshua Tree in springtime.

The Spark is a multimedia Artist’s book that includes a custom flash drive. On it is the six-minute movie Up to Now presented in HD. It is a semi-animated story against the backdrop of Joshua Tree created by Carol Es in collaboration with Jonathan Nesmith and Susan Holloway in 2015. It has seldom been presented in exhibitions as part of The Exodus Project,

This edition for sale for $175 each.

Pages: 20 p.
Dimensions: 3.25 x 4.5 in.
Cover: Linen laid cardstock.
Edition: 20 books with flash drives.

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