This is the crux of my anxiety. I’ve been hurrying up and waiting for too long. It’s been putting me into such a lousy mental state, it ain’t no bag of clowns. I wanted to title this entry, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Which would better capture how I really feel. Because, while the world passes me by, I’m left here, sitting on my hands looking like a coward, and perhaps I am. Or, at least I have been until now. What do I mean by that? Well, brace yourself, because this is the bomb before the book.
Galleys are here. The advance reading copies, proofs, or whatever you want to call them, here they be! It feels so good to have one in my hand and smell the pages. Very exciting.
As hard as I tried to stay up til midnight on New Years Eve, I just couldn’t make it. So, it’s official. I’m old!
I woke up to 2019, early, as usual, and felt much the same as I did the year before. Only now I feel that stupid obligation to make changes to “better” myself. Great. More pressure.
I hope everyone had a fine holiday. I got this very sweet and useful gift from mjp, along with some padded punching mittens. They will go to good use. Ha. I usually suppress my mad, and maybe now I’ll get a few good punches in on this thing instead of burying my anger.
Don’t fault me for not being around lately. As usual I’ve been swamped. Not to keep playing that card, but it’s not a card to play anymore. It’s just life. Life is life. Why can’t I just accept my life? Is it too late?
I’m a mess.