Process: TMI

I’m pretty sure this will wind up being a cross-post both on this blog and the Exodus blog since I’m going to be talking about, and boring you with, the process on which the paintings that are about to come…

As you might know, I still  haven’t put paint to canvas. This has been depressing, yes. However, it has given me lots and lots of time to think and plan. Not always a good thing, but in this case it’s kind of great since I need to be careful about building the foundation and surface to paint the spontaneity over the top of. It’s like the best of both worlds really. I get to be a control freak about the under layer, and then I can let my freak flag fly on the top layer!

Now, there are a dozen reasons why I haven’t began the process. I’m really not procrastinating. Ask any artist and they will tell you that almost 99% of the work happens in our heads. The follow through is the easy part – sometimes.

A while back, and even in my Kickstarter story, I mention all the “sketching processes” I have. Well, it’s not that it’s “so” complicated or anything, it’s just that I have a few different approaches. It depends on which sketchbook I use, that’s all. But if I’m working on the Journal Project, that is a completely different animal all together. Overall, it’s not like I do a rain dance or something like that. It just has, perhaps, the most ritual.

maywall2

The Journal Project  is kind of intense though. As stream-of-consciousness as it is, it has the most “rules.”

I got these rules from working in the garment industry. Traditionally, you can’t mark a master pattern with anything but black, red, blue, and sometimes green, ink. Pencil is okay for notes, but not for anything permanent. And certain colors mean specific things. They are industry standards.

Every pattern is to be stamped in black ink with a style number over the size with a line that separates the two. Then it should be indicated whether it is 1,2,3, or 4 self. Once in a blue moon it is 5-self.  That’s how many layers of fabric will ultimately be cut.

I don’t have a style number stamp anymore. My dad got rid of all his marking supplies at some point and I don’t know why. Probably because I told him that I really wanted them for art and to please save them for me.  So that is why he probably threw them away. He was a very kind old man like that.

Instead of having such a stamp made for myself (they are truly pricey), I just write a random style number with the thickest black pen I have handy because hat is supposed to be the biggest thing on there. But they are not as random as they may seem, and what significance they have is not hard to figure out.

The color blue usually indicates that the pattern is a lining, and red usually means they are button hole markers. Green is rare and I think it’s only for interlinings, like for a complicated jacket.

I obviously do not keep to any  of these rules because I’m not making “real” patterns that are going out for manufacturing. I do use stamps though, just not industry stamps. I have some Hebrew alphabet stamps, and some bugs, and a few others, but I don’t always use them. I have a stamp that says, “rejection,” and one that says, “acceptance.”

Mostly, I cut a pattern by hand, notch it, then, I write or draw whatever is in my head at that very moment. They are completely unplanned and uncensored. Sometimes they make absolutely no sense, and sometimes I am apparently angry at the curator at such-and-such museum for how she spoke to me on the phone. Or feeling extra sarcastic about not getting what I wanted. I do not hold back. I could probably get myself into trouble with people in the art world or even friends if someone were to actually stand around and read every single one of these when they’re on exhibition, which they are sometimes. They are installed with 50-100 drawings at a time, depending on the space. Whatever looks good.

So that’s the Journal Project.

Then there’s been my drum set sketch pad, which is nearly finished now. I think I have less than five sheets left in there.

drumset

This was a gift from my friend Kelvin Bufkin. He also collects my work and is a really nice person too.

I’ve used this book on and off because I like it so much, I didn’t want it to “end.” It’s the perfect size, and  it’s been good luck too! I only use my trusty Space Pen in it for fast sketches, and a good many of them have wound up to be paintings, or still will be.

spacebulletblkcl400

I got this pen strictly for my little pocket-sized moleskin notebook.

moleskin

moleskin2

I keep this thing by me at all times, even by my head while I sleep! so I can jot things down quickly when I am half asleep, which is when my weirdest ideas come at me.

Then there’s my Eye-book, a sketchbook method I learned from Ellie Blankfort that changed every way I have thought about art.

I have disclosed a lot about this method, but I can’t disclose any more than I already have or else it is like giving the farm away for free. I should respect Ellie’s business. I mean, I could ask her. She’d probably say, “go ahead! blog all about it,” because she is gracious that way, but that’s not the point.

It’s not just the way you “do” this sketchbook that matters, it was the way you, or I rather, have been counseled though it by Ellie. That is really the key ingredient. The relationship I have with Ellie is what makes the sketchbook work the way it does.

crown

preredscarf

By the way, the above drawing became the bottom painting:

redscarfdetail

Which happens sometimes.

The Eye-book above is from last year and the one I am using now is square, which has been exciting since love squares (uhh obviously!) — most all of my paintings are square.

So, now that you know my sketching processes, I want to talk to you about the under layer of these new paintings I’m about to do. I feel like I have them totally figured out, but they are going to be time consuming. Once I tell you, I’m going to have to show  you, and if I don’t show you, that means I’m officially procrastinating!

Not really. I am  working on these paintings, just not with paint yet. I’ve had to trace out about 30 different pattern shapes into Photoshop so I can move them around on the screen instead of all over the studio – because I just don’t have the room in there. I’m trying to fix them into Hebrew letters, and this was the easiest way for me to do it.

Well, while doing this – because I traced out pieces from the Journal Project  for the shapes – I realized that using journal  pieces instead of plain  pieces would look way, way more interesting, even though I had planned on covering it with paint. Instead, I can just cover it a little more translucently.

Despite the fact that no one would ever be able to read or even see the words or the sketches, it’s still going to look better. However, this is going to take a lot  more work – more work than I had originally bargained for.

PLEASE bear in mind that this is a PHOTOSHOP mock-up, not a painting, but this is the gist of what I am going for, in essence:

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So, for now, that’s as close as I can relay my vision as I possibly can. I hope I was able to explain it right without putting you all to sleep.

But wait! There’s more reason why I haven’t started this yet – since I’ve only figured out that I am going to make the pattern pieces Journal style on Sunday.

Yesterday I called Nova Color to find out if the transparent medium that I usually use to adhere the pattern paper to the canvases could actually be used as a sealant for my birch wood panels. I’d like to see if I could maybe do some of these on the panels as well.

This has been tricky business now – since I am not used to going this way with my panels. I have always  sealed them with a shellac/DH alcohol mixture, then painted over that in oil and kept a lot of the wood showing.

Right now, the backs and sides on most of the ones I have are already sealed. Some are even fully sealed, so I’ll have to sand the surfaces down on those. Either that or just not stick anything to them. Just paint them as I normally do. But I spent the weekend trying to research how to deal with this whole thing because I want to use a transparent acrylic support. I’m just not exactly sure I need it to be transparent. I mean, why? Am I going to let the wood show through on these new paintings? Am I abandoning all that? I need to decide. Can I let go of that beautiful wood grain?

Maybe I should just start with a canvas.

Another thing I realized about sticking the pattern paper to the panels in particular, I obviously can’t sew through the panels like I can the canvases. I am going to have to stitch the paper before  I stick them onto the panels. This is so I can have thread stitched around the outside of the patterns.

In essence, that’s really the same amount of work – the stitching – it’s just that one will be through the canvas – where I have to walk back and forth (from the front to the back of the easel), and the other – where I have to hand stitch paper in my lap or over a table. Makes no dif to me really. Actually, I prefer the paper stitching. I’ll get to sit more.

But doesn’t it sound like doing these on panels all in all are a pain in the ass? I already know it’s going to work perfectly on a canvas. We’ll see, right?

Are you asleep yet? Wake up!!!

First Catch

Hi! I’m back.

You’d know that if you’ve been reading my other blog though. Have you? Well you probably should.

It’s not totally filled with religious crap. There is LOTS of art stuff going on there too ya know. You have to understand, this is the project I am going to be working on for a year or more, so I’ll be talking a lot about this stuff, but I’m not trying to be preaching it. I’m just doing research for the back layer designs of my paintings. There’s a story there. There’s a reason.

I just do not want to become annoying with it. I’m sure I already am! I’m almost half way through it. The kabbalah stuff anyway. There’s only 22 letters. Ya gotta bear with me. I’m not trying to be “super Jew” or anything.

One of the tricky things is how to decipher what to write over here as opposed to what I post over there. Pretty tricky sis. I bet you think I have some kind of premeditated formula or something, don’t you? Ha! You’re so wrong. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

What I do know is that yesterday I was typing about some things on the other blog that made me want to mention some things over here. Excuse me if I recap a little bit from what I was saying yesterday, but I was talking about the paintings that are going to come (one day — soon. I mean, I’ll get to them any time now) and how excited I am about making them!

I was saying how I felt weird about posting my preliminary work.  And I really do – on either blog! It’s not like I have purposely been hiding it, but I guess it’s that I have been purposely hiding it.

I mean, what artist really wants another artist to see how they got from here to there, unless they have Leonardo da Vinci sketches, studies, or highly rendered layouts with grids and rulers all worked out for the proportions they are going to enlarge their perfect sketches to onto their perfectly primered canvases? There are artists like that! And sure, I’d show that shit off too! “Please, come into my studio, see my preliminary sketches? Aren’t they pleeeasing to the eye? I’ve even made some of them into etchings. Would you like some whhhite whhhine??”

Yeah, then I’d have no problem scanning up all my little sketches to show you basically what’s been in my head before I put paint to canvas. That would be easy. They just seem so, I don’t know, private.  Are they for you?

Yesterday for instance, I was talking about how I had a couple different directions where I wanted to take a new concept in my head since I’ve been out to Joshua Tree. I was explaining a little bit about how I work and how I don’t like to waste much time.

This is why I’ll go with the quickie sketch, except when I want something more rendered. Then I will “quickie” it in watercolor – because this will help me find basic lines.

And I know this does nothing to keep my actual drawing skills sharp. In fact, I admit that when I don’t sit down to draw realism – which, mind you, I am able to do (not from life though, only from 2D references) – my skill muscle gets all weak and flabby! It gets a little harder. I am a little slower. I just don’t need to do it very often. I frankly don’t want to do it unless something calls for it. A tree, a sink, a brain, an element I want to look real.

However, it’s true what they say: If you don’t use it, you lose it. 

So, I had this idea to put scaffolding in the paintings, like against the rocks. This was before I went out there. It started out as climbers, their gear, which reminded me of scaffolding, then window washers – then window washers on scaffolding washing the rocks, then maybe just in the backgrounds. Anyway, I was exploring how I want to work with them.

Like this. It’s just a little bit different in the way I wanted to go about it:

Those two are the same rough concept.

Yesterday I said, what if I want to go the route where I use the more “rendered” window washer guy? Then, I would simplify him until he had the least amount of lines so he was just recognizable as what he is without him looking “real” or illustrated. So I’d probably fill a small sketchbook until I liked him in a variety of positions.

But then I said that I wasn’t leaning that way. I was going in the other direction (like the top drawing), and I was afraid to show the rest of the sketches in this book.

Well, here goes!

5-8-14-6

5-8-14-5

5-8-14-4

5-8-14-3

5-8-14-2

5-8-14-1

These are obviously getting a lot simpler, and in some, the window washer is not even making an appearance. I think he’s on a smoke break, or he’s in the loo. Maybe I fired him. Times are tough and everybody has been out of work lately. Why should he be any different?  He should be standing in line with the rest of this country for his unemployment check.

I didn’t mean to fire him. It’s not like I’m taking a bigger paycheck now that he’s gone. I will most likely hire him on various freelance jobs. We’ll see.

In the meantime, These drawings sure suck. I know that’s what you’re probably thinking. I don’t care. Really. I like second, third and last the most. Those are my favorites. But if you ask me on another day, I might be with you and feel that they all are shit. I’m fickle like that. Some days I think I like the work and some days I know I’m a hack.

I think the trick is to keep your balance somehow. However you can do it. I do not have a problem while walking this tightrope and falling on the megalomaniac side, but if and when I do, I welcome it. I think it would be good for me. My issues are that I fall A LOT on the other side, and a fall a long way down.

But you must ask, how then do you continue? How do you continue to create art, pursue a career in art, and publicly exhibit your own work if what you say is true?

That is a good question!

I learned a long time ago, that life lesson we all know. Or maybe we all don’t know. There’s a lot of people that actually don’t know: Do or die.

Do or die might sound super dire for those of you that think art is “cute” or a “choice,” but as a child NOBODY believed in me. I am really not exaggerating when I say nobody. If I didn’t believe in myself, then who?

Think about being a kid for a minute and think about who you lived for. I can’t answer that for you, but it was most likely the person or adult that believed in you. Probably way more than you even believed in yourself. You probably didn’t even think much about who or what you were, or maybe you didn’t think much about it at all because you probably didn’t have to. You were too busy being a kid! That’s what you’re supposed to do! 🙂

Well, you had every reason in this world to live!

Now, I’m not saying “you” like it’s everybody besides me. You may be in the same boat as I am/was – or much, much worse. I am not alone, and this is not a contest. I am just saying it is how I learned: Do or die.

So, it never matters to me if I like my stuff or if I think it’s a pile of dung. Those days come and they go. What matters is that I believe in myself even when I don’t believe in myself.

It’s my job.

Power is “ON”

Alright, so should I get this out of my system? Should I tell the story of why I’ve had a big “film block?”

It’s a really, really heavy story. I warn you. And why would – how could – a Handicam  bring about such an uproar?

Well it did.

In 2007, I had a very good year in terms of sales. I was finally able to purchase a good DV cam so that I could finally experiment with video production. I had BIG plans. I researched cameras and got a lot of advice from people in the know about how I could make an actual motion picture. I got me a Sony TRV 900. If you don’t know about this camera, it is the first of the Sony DV, hand-held cams that were decent enough to make a movie with. They are basically equivalent to buying a $5000 camera today, but I got one on eBay for $500.

It worked great, but the body of it looked like it had been dragged behind a car or something. I didn’t mind because it worked and I knew what it was really worth.

The reason I was interested in video at all whatsoever was because I was ULTRA inspired by a film called Tarnation. This film gave me amazing energy to put together my own autobiography as a documentary art film, complete with animation, footage of my parents, personal diaries, and the like. It would be very similar to what director, Jonathan Caouette did in Tarnation, but without the billions of hours of footage he had. He was documenting his family since he was a very young child! Kind of amazing. Not kind of, totally.

Anyway, people had always told me that I should write a book about my life, but I never felt I was a very good writer. I really thought that once I got this camera, it would bring out some big, talented filmmaker in me that was dormant or something.

That didn’t happen.

Nonetheless, I still very much wanted to pursue my documentary and I had ideas to begin getting footage of my parents in their weird little habitat in Las Vegas. And I realized that I would probably have to go out there quite a number of times before they would be used to having a camera in their face and start to act natural with me filming them.

So I began driving out to Las Vegas to visit them.

I think I’m going to have to tell this story in parts.

Sorry.

Part Two to come soon. 🙂

Transition

I often have dreams about places I’ve lived, studios I’ve had. They are mixed up in my head and sort of blended together, and I’m usually moving in the dream. Sometimes I am in the middle of the two places, a lot of times Michael and I are splitting up. I suppose we dream about what we fear the most. Sometimes we are just separated because someone has to stay in one of the houses while in transition. Somebody has to stay and paint the new place, spackle the holes in the old place — something like that.

Anyway, all this cleaning out the studio, and thinking about how to fit everything in some future home had me thinking I guess – had me dreaming, and worrying – about transitions.

I am getting ready for my big trip and it is going to be all about transition.  It’s actually starting to scare me a little. Sometimes when I’m scared of something, I look it up in the dictionary. Defining it usually takes the “heavy” significance out of it for me. It gives me a sense of control or something, but this time it more or less scared the shit out of me more!

tran·si·tion

[tran-zishuh n, –sish-]
noun
1. movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another;change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

Yup! That about sums it up! That’s what the plan is. That’s exactly what I was setting out to do.

So why would I get cold feet?

Okay, it’s not cold feet. Believe me, I am excited and I am so looking forward to it. I’m just a little scared. Mostly… curious.

I think I love that the word “passage” is in the definition. Yeah. I like it. Passage… Like I will come out of this a new artist, a new person. Hopefully, an improved one. But we’ll see. You know, that’s all about confidence? It really is. Because there’s no such thing as being a “good” artist. Not really.

In other news, I have a few pictures of how Monographie is looking. See?

They are not the greatest photos on Earth, but it’s a little peek for you. At least I’m giving you something! Jeez, stop complaining.

Here’s the front:

front

And the back. (Clever, eh?)

back

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standing
I think it’s looking pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty lovely. Don’t you think? Don’t you want one?

The inside is even better! (Horn tootin’!)