Art & Process

Organizing Thoughts

April 13, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

Today I was just barely skimming the surface of getting organized. I am so overwhelmed. I hate when things get to that point, when it’s past the point of even writing things down – simply because I haven’t had the time to stop to put a pen to paper just to jot anything down. That’s when you know your life is getting a little out of hand, right? Well, I’m at that point, so today I began to write some things down.

The first thing on the agenda were all the rewards from the Kickstarter campaign, namely because I can start working on some of those already. I also have to split them up into categories, like supplies I need, and which things I will be needing to take along with me to the desert. All of that still is not quite organized. I only have who gets what, how many of each, and in what order I am working on what. That took more time to put together than you’d think.

My studio has been a complete and total mess for well over a month because I haven’t been able to open the garage door for several weeks. There was a fence issue over here. It kinda sorta fell over and made it so the door wouldn’t open anymore. In the meantime, the gardeners were blowing leaves into my studio every other week underneath the door, and I also had a few shipments of art that came back from various places that needed to be unpacked and put away that I couldn’t get to.

I started on one of the packages right before the fence fiasco. I was right in the middle of unpacking more than 60 drawings that came back to me from Houston. I had to leave it there, half way undone all those weeks, barely covered up with leaves and dirt being blown in there. I almost couldn’t sleep at night.

Unpacking them made me think about a lot of stuff about my “creative process” since many of those drawings were done before 2007 – before I was on medication for being a mental case. I think I was a lot funnier back then. That might be so, but I was also a LOT more obsessive in terms of drawing. Hyper focused, and I don’t know if that was such a good thing. I preferred the little funny drawings over the obsessive ones.

I was able to dust about 1/5 of the studio today. That seems like a far cry from getting anywhere, but a few more days in there, while pacing myself, I’m sure I’ll get there. It needs to be ready by the morning of the 21st for a special studio visit.

And it Was Good!

April 12, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

Can you believe it? I can’t! I am out of my mind with happiness, excitement flabbergastion, butterflies, gratitude, and more gratitude!!!

Wow! Wow! Wow!

THANK YOU!

And guess what?

I just received a grant for $1000 from the National Arts and Disability Center to help me with the painting leg of my project for when I get back from the desert!

I am blessed all kinda ways!

So I’m going to get right to telling you what comes next. Why wait? I’m excited to reveal it all, aren’t you excited to hear it? We are all part of this thing now, so I figured you’d be interested.

This project officially starts RIGHT NOW! That’s right. The wheels and cogs have been a-turnin’ in my mind throughout the last 30 days during the campaign, and I can’t keep my ideas contained any longer! I want to get to work. I want to keep you abreast. I want you along for the ride.

Now, Kickstarter puts a little hold on the money before it doles it out, but since I have had an Amazon Payments Account for a long time, I think I may not have to wait as long. I will look into that. In the meantime, I will be begin working on everyone’s rewards as soon as humanly possible. Because of the nature of some of the rewards, some of you will be receiving certain ones before others, but don’t worry: ALL WILL BE FULFILLED!

Many of you will begin receiving messages from me about your preferences on some of your rewards, as certain ones, like the À la Dan Kabbalah letterpress prints, allow for the choice of a Hebrew letter. Other rewards will require you sending me an image of the nice person I’m doing a portrait of. Stuff like that. I will be getting to these things over the next week.

I also wanted to let you in on the project website I have been building at ExodusJoshuaTree.com. While it is still a work in progress, I finally have it up “live” so that there is a living “hub” for the project itself. You will also find the official blog on the site where I will be posting on frequently, and especially all the days throughout my stay in Joshua Tree, since the site is mainly for (or begins in) the FIRST leg of my entire project: An Exodus in Joshua Tree.

Also in the news, I will be going to Joshua Tree right away!!! That’s right, I do not waste any time, plus the best time to go is now in the spring while everything is blooming! If all goes as planned, I will be there as soon as the end of this month!

To some up for now, some of you might have noticed that I put up an F.A.Q. at the bottom of the project description – just hours before it ended. I did this because I had been questioned about the title the project a number of times (mostly in person) and would have to explain it all to people one at a time. I figured if people were asking me, then other people must be wondering, so now it’s in writing. So I’m including it in this message, for yucks.

Why did you call this project: “An Exodus in Joshua Tree” if you are going there?

Well, I didn’t foresee this title being complex to others’ ears on the day I created it. All I can say is that it made sense in my head in the moment, and here is why:

I feel that I am about to break out of the shackles of the kind of art-making that I had been doing for so many years.

Basically, over the last year, I’ve gained the tools I need. Now I’m going out from my studio, from Los Angeles, from my fears, from my crutches, my modus operandi, TO Joshua Tree, to wander the desert, to find my new home – within myself, within my art.

That is the exodus.

Thank you all for reading, and thank you ALL for everything!

Stay tuned, and visit the blog often at ExodusJoshuaTree.com/blog

The Home Stretch: 6 Days Left!

April 5, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

——-> AN EXODUS IN JOSHUA TREE <——–

Alrighty Folks! Here we are at the final home stretch of this thing.

I am so unbelievably delighted that we’ve come this far already. Really – I couldn’t be happier to have reached my goal — and then some! I will even be able to pay the Kickstarter Fees now! So a HUGE thanks to all that have contributed so far. Thank you.

This will be the second to the last update – as far as the fundraising campaign leg goes. I will be sending out one more in a week from today – Saturday morning. That update will have a good deal of information about what comes next, because, officially, that’s when my project will start.

Yeah, I know. I don’t waste any time! I like to dive right into things. It’s because I can’t wait to get to work!

In the meantime: I am not finished fundraising!

There are SIX MORE DAYS to contribute! So, it’s time for me to get annoying!

I want you to reach deep, s p r e a d the word, tell your friends and family, share, share share on your social media networks, and call the Pope!

Please help me make this Kickstarter like one of those crazy, world-famous ones that break the glass ceiling in the last moments of its existence. Let’s at least try.

In return, I promise you very unique rewards, and a very thought-provoking, engaging (and pretty) solo exhibition next spring at Shulamit Gallery.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Carol Es

AN EXODUS IN JOSHUA TREE

What Matters Next?

March 30, 2014March 31, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

What matters next about life, about art, about going forward? Is there any purpose in staying still?

I am a shark. We are all sharks. Aren’t we?

shark

For me, planning is the fun part. Even in the planning, I feel am moving forward.

What I’m trying to get across here is that, whatever you are planning next in your life is important. It matters, whether it is to clean the bathtub, envision your next painting, or visit your grandmother. It moves you forward.

Some people even have the ability to be in the present and enjoy those moments. You guys will have to write a blog post about that and teach me how to do that.

When I stay still, the darkness consumes me. Fear takes over. I don’t know if it does for you. I don’t even know how many are willing to admit it either.

We must move forward, especially when there is loss. Especially when there is death. What is the point in staying still then?

I suppose that’s why I make so many projects for myself.

I know I said a while back that I was no longer going to talk about this on my blog, but today I have been doing a little bit of writing in my book. Not an Artists’ book, but the “big” book. The one I refer to as Shrapnel.

I figured this thing might take a good 10 years before I actually get it done! It’s taking so long because I just don’t have the time. I also don’t have the feeling to work on it everyday. And, in a lot of places, I truly avoid writing about some of the subjects. They are difficult.

Shit comes up and it reminds me that: now I gotta go relive that all over again. And I have to relive it as I am now, which is a lot harder than when I had to go through it back then, if that makes any sense.

When you go through the hard things in your past, it’s not all that hard because somehow, you got through it. You used some kind of coping mechanism. You disassociated through it, or you slithered through by the skin of your teeth, totally unscathed, and then, you moved forward somehow.

So not only did I write out a bit of the hard facts in my book today and relive all that horrible crap, but now I’m going to tell you a little bit about it! Thrice! How’s that for some masochism?

I was writing about one of the many times I moved back to my parents’ house in my early 20s. This particular time, I decided to renovate the garage into a formal art studio, complete with skylights and a loft, halogens, and white walls, bright colored beams and stairs. I wish there was a picture of it. Why didn’t we ever take a picture of it?

Before beautifying it though, there was an enormous amount of junk that was kept in storage in the attic and I had to go through most of it before throwing it away. The garage was also the scene of a horrific crime(s) I had gone through some years earlier in my life, and why I wanted to gut it and live there was pretty strange to begin with.

Anyway, at the time, my thought was that I could live there rent free and save my money to buy my own house. What an idiot I was to think that this plan would actually work! I think it lasted all but four months before I couldn’t stand it any longer, living with my parents that is – even with 100 feet between us – it made absolutely no difference – I became certifiably insane.

However, I sure made a lot of paintings during that time, and that’s how I got through it. That’s how I moved forward.

You know when you do about 20 to 30 paintings, but you’re lucky to get one or two winners out of the bunch? That’s what happened during that time, and this was one of the winners at that time, called Greenman. I wish I had a better picture of it, but it became one of the best paintings I ever did, at the time – like I said. It went to a guy that collected some pretty nice works, so I hope he still has it. It was hanging right near a real Picasso in his dining room last time I checked.

Now I am moving forward by thinking of the new paintings that will be coming. ROCKS! I have been thinking about rocks!

Rocks and Hebrew letters, and I will tell you something else that has been on my mind for the last 72 hours… scaffolding, ropes, railroad ties …and how that can be used in repairing old architecture? These ideas are not yet formed.. But these are the beginnings of something that’s coming.

We’ll see what that’s all about

From a Distance

March 17, 2014March 17, 2014Ayin EsLeave a comment

So the past few days I’ve been on the fence – do I go to Tuscaloosa? Do I not?. I’m confused.

As it stands now, there’s quite a few people coming in to see my Aunt Susie at the hospice facility. It sounds like a wonderful place.

I don’t know, if you’re wondering why I haven’t been writing in my blog – especially since I have this great Kickstarter Campaign happening, it’s because I really don’t know what to say at the moment. It doesn’t mean I’m not excited about my project. I totally am! I’m just also dealing with this thing with my aunt too, and I don’t feel much like writing to anybody, if that makes sense.

You know when you just want to be alone with your thoughts? I’m usually so up for sharing mine, but just not right now. Not about what I’m feeling right now. Not tonight, in this moment.

Lately, I have been just diving, no, burying myself in tasks so I don’t have to think about it. I built this rock garden over the last week in my backyard:

It looks better from above:

Don’t be too impressed. I had help:

But between you and me – and don’t tell her this – she really wasn’t much help at all. In fact, there were times she even managed to slow down the entire operation! The job took about a week. Good thing I wasn’t on it every day. It was just something I was doing to calm my nerves, and it super worked. I just don’t have the room in my yard to keep building rock gardens.

Whatever the case, when I was finished with this one, I felt very accomplished, even though I kept chipping away at this thing in my pajamas, so please excuse how frumpily floppy I appear here.

I’ve also been building the ExodusJoshuaTree.com website, but I can’t show that to you yet. It’s pretty simple and straight forward, and really not much to it (now that I’m finally coding it), but it just took a long time to design it. I got picky, then not so picky, got some opinions, got a little sad, tried again, liked it better, started hating it, started over again, changed it a lot, then changed it a little, started seeing monkeys… You know. The usual.

So, I’m still tweaking it a little …I think.

My Kickstarter is 36% funded with about 25 days to go! Pretty good, eh? Although, I was getting pledges like mad the first couple days, and now, none the last couple days. NONE! Not even a pledge for a postcard. What’s up? What do I need to do?

First of all, I probably need to post MUCH better pictures of myself. Okay, okay, I will! I promise! I will look around for some and I will find some fashion shots that will blow your socks off. Will that do it? I’ll try it.