What on Earth? Time keeps ticking. I keep losing it. My deadlines are fast approaching and my “ToDo” list stays relatively the same: around 25 things I have to do (right away!). Every time I turn around, I forget that I have to add something. At least I’m set up to work on the last of the drawings now. This table was an absolute catastrophe yesterday. Now it’s all better.
I got the new and improved, corrected perfect-bound proof and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s perfect! Finally! Praise Moses and the sky! I can hardly believe it.
This is the crux of my anxiety. I’ve been hurrying up and waiting for too long. It’s been putting me into such a lousy mental state, it ain’t no bag of clowns. I wanted to title this entry, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Which would better capture how I really feel. Because, while the world passes me by, I’m left here, sitting on my hands looking like a coward, and perhaps I am. Or, at least I have been until now. What do I mean by that? Well, brace yourself, because this is the bomb before the book.
As hard as I tried to stay up til midnight on New Years Eve, I just couldn’t make it. So, it’s official. I’m old!
I woke up to 2019, early, as usual, and felt much the same as I did the year before. Only now I feel that stupid obligation to make changes to “better” myself. Great. More pressure.
It feels like I’m running in place, running another dent deeper into the ground, and now I’ve made myself sick again. Lately I’ve been doing nothing much else but sleeping. I think I got too mentally overwhelmed with things. I got personal shit, mixed with a long “to-do” list, and this damn book is going to be the death of me.
