Kvetches

Hola!

I’ve been buried in work and beyond. I started this painting a couple weeks ago after months of planning it out, on and off – scribbling in my little moleskin where I record my ideas and dreams. I don’t have it readily available as much as I need it. I’ve even thought about rigging it around my neck.

Attaching the bottom half (which is very thick, bumpy fabric) was the hardest part. And I went through more than a gallon of gesso and white paint to start getting it white. Fabric sure likes to suck up water based paint, so I had to change it up after a while and use layers of polymer and then enamel. Once it finally dried in the sun I started layering it with white oil paint. The people at Dick Blick thought I was a nut, since I kept going in there to buy tubes of white. Luckily, only the top layers are the 30 dollar tubes, or else this painting would have put me a lot more in debt.

So the underpainting is done and I’m just starting the fun parts on the top half, bringing out the cartoons and garment patterns that form Hebrew writing, neither which you can really see in this god-awful photo. The Hebrew says Stop apologizing for who you are, an affirmation I’ve been using a lot lately. I’m also putting bits of my Great grandmother with a tree growing out of her head, and my mother getting electric shock treatments. But I want the overall composition to feel tranquil and cozy in a freezing, arctic tundra kinda way.

Oh, so speaking of debt, I just put an unmentionable amount of money into fixing my car. It was cheaper than buying a new car, but enough to buy a certain kind of car. But I love my little CRV, and it needed new struts, arm bushings, a radiator and some pump that works with it, a wheel alignment, and a little bit of this and that besides. I was without car for a couple days, and picking it up and paying for it depressed me for another couple of days. But that’s life.

When I picked it up, MJP and I went to Joshua Tree again. I know that sounds crazy in this heat, but we went very very early in the morning, and as usual, it was gorgeous, peaceful and quiet.

The $2 Bill Show at the I5 gallery at the brewery was nice. Lots of really great work. My favorites were mjp‘s, Leigh Salgado‘s, Yaya Chou, and Reuben Sorenson‘s – who painted on both sides f the bill. It was a great show. I hope Mat Gleason does it again and perhaps make sure that no one signed the front and make people buy the work without knowing what they get, like SMMoA’s Incognito‘s events.

I have to make more coffee. I’m falling asleep typing this. It must be damn boring to read if I’m bored typing it.

More later. Addios, y hasta pronto. (Yes, I am finally learning how to speak Spanish.)

I’ve been tired. Having a hard time getting enough sleep, so my work schedule has been going in spurts whenever I get a good dose of caffeine in me.

I have been changing too. Inside, I’m feeling a change. I’m about to turn 40. I think I’m finally putting aside a lot of baggage and issues, like caring what people think. That’s a big one, but it’s been like a little handbag and not the anvil case it has been.

Getting back into the swing of painting again, I’m starting to stress less about what to create, and rather letting myself create. I think this has a lot to do with trusting myself and giving the id permission to indulge, with little need for control.

Today I’m working on this green piece… Get it? Greenpeace?? Okay, maybe that was a stupid joke. I’m working on what seems to be a greenish colored canvas. (34″ square) It’s turning green/gold/brown/black/white. I’m just letting myself paint without too much in mind but a skeleton of an idea. It started with green drippings over the letter Pei, a car crash and some floating heads. Go figure.

I also have been fucking around with what seems to be some kind of doll. It’s so much easier to sit, relax, and sew than it is to hold up my arms and paint for long periods. I am hovering between doing both, while thinking about what to do with my 2-dollar bill.