I’ve been going through a lot of rapid cycling lately. It’s because of school. I’m only taking three classes, but one of them is super intense. It’s the language class—Italian. I am beating myself up for accidentally taking the accelerated course. It’s a 5-unit class, probably because it packs so much information into such a short time.

I thought of dropping it. In fact, I talked to the instructor about doing just that, but somehow she talked me into staying because she said I was in the top 1% of the class. I guess that impressed me at the time, but it’s been wearing off since I can hardly keep up, and I am not retaining what I’m learning at all. Maybe only a tiny bit.

My “rapid cycling” isn’t so much happy—sad—happy—sad. It’s more like overly ambitious workaholic—tired and defeated/self-deprecating—and it goes round and round.

Though I have been to Italy twice (many, many years ago) and had a relationship with a native Italian speaker for a couple of years, I don’t know shit. I never learned how to use the words I knew in proper sentences. I know zero grammar, and I’ve forgotten almost everything I knew. If you don’t use it, you lose it.

Since I started this fall semester, I’ve had surgery, I’ve been sick, I just got a giant cyst removed from my right arm (a couple of days ago), and I have to go in for another procedure on Tuesday. In the meantime, I am still going to neurocognitive rehab. I haven’t been able to get up to the “hard” activities, and I’ve been going every week since last January, which wasn’t long after the brain surgery. I’m having such a terrible time trying to assimilate and retain information. My memory is so jacked.

My brain therapist wants to keep me on until the end of the semester in school because she feels that it’s school that’s really been exercising my brain more than anything else. She also knows what a hard time I’ve been having. Also, she’s reminded me that, while I have improved a bit, I may just have to get used to a “new normal,” which might be just as depressing as the first time she said it more than 6 months ago. I might not ever be back to normal. I feel like I was smarter back then, but maybe I was never really all that smart to begin with. But it doesn’t matter.

Our internet went down for several days last week. While it sucked the big donkey dingaling, I was able to work a little bit on some of the illustrations for my newest artist’s book, Miami 1975. I only have four more illustrations to go. That’s not too bad. I also decided to print most of those pages instead of creating them eight times, over and over. I’ll still include a few original embellishments, but I think all the binding and sewing will take up a ton of time and energy. I would like to get back to doing some painting and work on my other projects, for which I have many…

My book What Matters is finally being edited by a writer friend of mine, and that part should be finished by the end of the month. Then I’ll have to format it all—for print, Kindle, and the audiobook, too. That’s a lot in itself.

I still haven’t finished the Hurty Brain book. I put it aside because it was just sitting there. I procrastinated and made excuses not to focus on it, but I still need to finish the entire edition. I’m only a quarter of the way done. Since I haven’t sold many, it doesn’t concern me too much. It’s not like it’s in demand.

Then, I have a bunch of wooden shapes I need to paint. The backsides still need other wooden parts affixed so they can hang off the wall with about an inch of space. I also have to wood-putty some small spaces on the edges.

I guess I’m going to call that series Grainline Studies. At least for the time being. I haven’t been able to think up anything else, probably because my brain is atrophied and decrepit!

So, those are just a few of my projects. I’m not even counting the bigger ones, like the What Remains project, which seems like I’ll never get done. It requires money. I mean, all of this requires money, but that project requires a lot. I will have to find my subjects—probably at dementia facilities and pay each of them something fair. Then I’ll need to buy a number of “found” objects and audio equipment. I bought my video camera some time ago, but I haven’t used it at all yet. I’m too goddamned busy!

For the winter semester, I’ll only be taking one class: Public Speaking. I’m hoping it will help a little with my nervousness. Maybe I’m just forever nervous about talking “live” in front of people. I do a shitload of Zoom meetings, and I still have anxiety, get nervous, and feel insecure during each and every one of them. However, I’m not willing to take any more medication than I’m already on. I’m already on too many pills. I have to choke down handfuls every day.

Not much else is new. I will show off just a couple of the illustrations I’ve made for the artist’s book. This one is a fold-out page. It’s almost 22 inches wide.

This one is just a single page at about eight inches:

Oh yeah. I almost forgot: hooray for the blue wave!