Since I last wrote, my headaches have persisted. You’d think that might seem impossible, but it’s true. 

The good news is that I get a day off now and then. Not only that, sometimes, they’re not as excruciating as they were. The nausea, however, is still every day, and all that hacking and gagging is a lot of fun. The fatigue? That’s just constant, but I’ve had fatigue for years. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.

I got the MRIs, and that was painless—physically. I went through a lot of annoyance with my neurologist’s assistant (kind of a moron) along the way, as well as waiting to get authorization from my insurance. I don’t know why it wasn’t rushed, but it wasn’t. Then, the day before I was supposed to get the MRIs, the assistant called me to tell me that I had to go to a different imaging facility, one farther away from me and closer to their office, which is in HEMET! An hour and a half away. I hate to call anyone a moron, but if she didn’t act like one, I probably wouldn’t call her one.

I’ve still never seen the neurologist in person. It’s all been online. What that establishes, I do not know. And I still would not see her again until April to talk about the MRI results. In the meantime, I’m still suffering, and frankly, I’m in a bad mood.

I can see that the reports are in on the imaging site. I can see the images and read all that, but it’s complicated. I made several calls to the neurologist’s office to see if she could just make a quick phone call and go over them with me, but the assistant said there was no way to relay messages to her. I can only talk to her during appointments. I sent all my reports to my general practitioner, and she got me a referral to a new neurologist who is only an hour away. I’m about to call to see what the soonest appointment is. Please wish me luck on that one.

I consulted AI-GPT Chat to ask about my results. I learned that it’s pretty darn knowledgeable for stuff like that. My brother has been using it for a while to help consult on the different chemotherapies he receives.

But it’s a mixed bag. Of course, AI can’t diagnose anything, but it can give you a clearer picture of what needs to be done next and what should be ruled out. First off, the neurologist didn’t order my MRIs with any contrast, so the images don’t tell too much. She also didn’t order T-spine imaging, yet we took images of my C-spine and lumbar spine with the brain. Even I know the pictures should be weighed against ones with and without contrast, especially because we are comparing them to ones I have in the past. A lot of times, if there are lesions, they can be found on the T-spine.

In any case, I hope the new neurologist will be more helpful. 

My GP had also prescribed Imitrex and two different doses for the headaches. That’s a migraine medication, but it did nothing. I don’t feel like these are migraines. Then, on Friday, she put me on Nurtec, and I hope I’m not crazy, but I think it worked on the first dose. It’s something you take every other day. I take the next dose tomorrow, and so far, no huge headache yet. It’s just kinda dull and lingering in the background—totally tolerable.

I still have to take Zofran every morning, though. That’s for the nausea. It’s really not good to take that long term, but here I am. I just want to get to the bottom of it all. And even if I get good MRI images, that doesn’t mean there will be answers. In the non-contrasted MRI pics, there’s no real sign of new demyelination (MS), but maybe possible signs of atrophy (shrinking) and enlarged lateral ventricles—because it does feel like cranial pressure, that’s for sure. It’s a whole different sort of headache like I’ve never had before. The radiology report says there’s no evidence of hydrocephalus, but with all the symptoms of hydrocephalus, it sure seems like it, so that needs to be ruled out, I guess.

The atrophy could be my age, or it could be a sign of (early?) dementia, which runs rampant in my family (my mom, my grandmother, and her mother). I’m not scared of these things because I’ve kinda expected that one day, but not until I was older, if at all. It’s all a guessing game right now. It’s driving me a little nutty. Can you tell?

Or maybe it’s nothing that’s in my brain. Maybe the doctors will tell me it’s all in my head or it’s because of my fucked up spine, which is seriously fucked up. You don’t really need contrast to see that! There could just be more twisted pressure on my back that it’s causing these headaches. Who fucking knows?

I never went to the High Desert Art Fair to speak on the panel, by the way. That day, my head was killing. I couldn’t even walk straight. Yet another disappointment in the world of art, but I heard it was cool, and Craig got great response.

I also found out that my book dealers, the ones I’ve worked with for over twenty years, are closing their doors come June. If it weren’t for Vamp & Tramp, I would not be in more than half the prominent collections I’m in. I really don’t know what I’ll do without them and their access to the book arts world. It is a very specialized market, and now I’m on my own, 100%. I’ve done it a little bit on my own, but it’s really not easy. It takes time and money like any art hustling does. I have been putting together (in concept) my next Artist’s book for a while. I mean, I’m on a break from all artmaking in general. I’d planned to complete it by the end of the year or early 2026. It’s called Sunshine State, 1975. Who I will sell it to is anybody’s guess.

I also have been wanting to write short stories about dogs and make illustrations, and maybe put that into a printed book, not a handmade one. We’ll see…when I start feeling better.