Through the Looking Glass

While working on various art projects, I’ve also been trying to fit in a few tests surrounding my health, among other stressful tasks I’m trying to wrap my head around.

Doctor visits, EKGs, bloodwork, X-rays, CT scans…Oh, what fun. It’s all making me both nervous and tired. Working is the best distraction in these situations. 

I’ve got something else going on, too. Something I gotta do soon that I can’t talk about, but trust me, it tops the list.

I wrote my newsletter this weekend, which will go out on Wednesday, the first day of summer. I swear, I’m such a planner. A lot of the news is stuff I talked about in my last blog post, but there are a few other items and some changes regarding the Queersition book. That will no longer be a “handmade” book. However, I still have to make all the artwork for the pages, even to print it. I’ve been working on that pretty much every day. 

I mentioned in my newsletter that I only report “good” news. That’s true. And you might notice that the tone is rather chipper, too. Often, it gives people a false sense of how I’m doing in a general sense. In this way, it reminds me of Instagram. It’s a little window into a world that appears perfect. Well, it’s not. I have four months between newsletters to allow the better things to pile up and then do my best to tout them as positively as possible. That’s called “public relations” (PR). It’s what artists are supposed to do. 

Generally, it’s not a good idea to promote your failures, rejections, doubts and slumps, your depression, or complaints. Save that for your journal, your spouse, your best friends, and your pets. 

I think I have mentioned that I have mental illness and physical disabilities in my newsletters before. I try not to complain about this, but I’m pretty sure people know I suffer from both. I try to come from a human, relatable disposition in my writing, but there will always be an element of humor and play. That’s part of my core personality. I could be on my deathbed, and you bet I’ll be cracking jokes.

Well, I’m not on my deathbed yet, but my tests, so far, show I have COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). I just don’t know how bad or mild it is. I’m guessing it’s not awful, and it’s probably treatable. It’s only alarming because one of my very best friends died of this disease not too long ago. He was only three years older than I am, but he was a severe case. (Gosh, I miss him.)

I’ll know a lot more the week after next, but I sure hate waiting. I also have to wait until the middle of July to see the cardiologist. My healthcare moves slower than a desert tortoise on too many gummies. But that’s what I must do. Wait and make art. No problem, I guess. 

2 thoughts on “Through the Looking Glass

  1. Kate Riley June 18, 2023 / 8:27 am

    Thinking of you such a lot you beautiful person- I love you always xxx

    • Ayin Es June 18, 2023 / 4:11 pm

      Thank you Kate ❤️

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