This is the last week of my show, On the Mend. It ends on Sunday. Whew! In many ways, it seems like it went on forever. It was a long show with lots of programming. This past Sunday, I led a multimedia workshop that turned out pretty well. I anticipated the worst, of course, but everyone seemed to really like it. I should learn to be optimistic already.

Hannah and I played a couple sets of ambient-type music while having the participants write how they felt about the sounds. Afterward, they drew compositions based on their writings and embellished them with markers, colored pencils, and collage. They had fun and got a lot out of it, they said, after I squeaked feedback out of them. People were shy at first, but then I got them talking. A relief. I should have gone around the room and had people introduce themselves to begin with, but I didn’t think about that until just now. Der!
When the workshop was all done, it was time to break down our stuff, get it back into the car, and get it all home. We’d brought the gear there a couple days before but were doing a kind of soundcheck a couple hours before the workshop. We’d brought Ruby (our new dog) with us to that. I don’t know what I was thinking, but all morning, I thought the workshop started an hour after it really did. I thought I would have time to take Ruby back home and eat. I barely had time to take her back and shove something in my mouth.
Two days before, I was thinking about canceling the class altogether. We weren’t getting enough sign-ups at first, and I’ve been feeling like shit. I think I’d been sick for about three weeks or something. I had an infection that took away all my energy. The antibiotics wore me out, too, and I wasn’t really resting. Firstly, I don’t realize my limitations, maybe because I don’t want them to be true. The COPD, the lupus, the Ankylosing spondylitis, the mental shit, and everything else. I try to ignore these things because they suck.
I had a procedure on my back a few days before Ruby came on December 15th. It helped me the last time I did it (a few months prior). But this time, it did absolutely nothing for me. How disappointing is that? Had I got a positive result, the doctor would have done a more permanent version of the same procedure, but that’s off the table now, at least for a while. I’m left with managing it with pain meds, and that’s just depressing.
All I could think of was how sore I would be moving my drums, not teaching anyone anything. So, I’d been in a very depressed mood about the class, leaning toward canceling. So, I put out a number: six sign-ups. If we didn’t get more than that, I wanted to cancel it, but then we got six, then fifteen, so I had to go through with it. And it went well. I was just completely spent when I got home.
I swear, I’m trying not to think about it too much, just to keep my mind on what needs to be done and stay happy. I keep thinking that in due time, things will get easier? For now, I’m honestly dealing with a lot of physical pain and exhaustion from what seems like simple tasks, and the social engagements surrounding the show have been exhausting for me. Gad, I’m such a wuss.
But I’m figuring that if I can just get through January, I can start resting and maybe even get back to writing. Sleeping and writing. No art. First, I have to get through the next two weeks or so. Today, the doctor, the dog trainer, and the vet. Tomorrow: a photoshoot at the gallery and continuing to work on a grant application. Thursday and Friday, three doctor appointments; Saturday, back to the pet clinic for Ruby’s boosters. Then Sunday, I’m entertaining friends up to 2:00 pm until the closing gathering at the gallery, then breaking down the show the following two days after. Wednesday the 15th will be my first day off. A few more doctor appointments down in Palm Springs until February, and then I can finally rest for a while. A light at the end of this tunnel.
The workshop was amazing; you are amazing!
Thank you for making it so good! You’re so good. I love you!